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What to Do When Your Husband Walks Out the Door (Without Warning and Without You!)

On Christmas Eve 2002, the same year my father died and my mother hovered on the brink of a coma, my husband of 22 years looked across the living room at me and unceremoniously announced that he had he lost every single penny of our savings, retirement and investment funds on an ill-conceived business venture and that he was leaving me to move to across the country to live with his old girlfriend and her five children. Boom, Merry Christmas! I hope you never have to experience a divorce at all, and certainly not one as brutal as mine, but, just in case, here are some tips about what to do when your husband walks out the door without you.

1. Change the locks, ha, ha! Actually, I am not joking here. Changing the locks is a powerful symbolic gesture and serves a practical purpose as well. Changing the locks--locking your ex out of your life--sets metaphorical boundaries around you. Your ex can no longer come and go in and out of your life as he chooses. This is now your space and you decide who gets to enter and who is denied admission. From a pragmatic standpoint, you do not want him coming in when you are not there, riffling through your drawers or removing things without your knowledge.

2. Let it all out...or not. Everyone reacts differently or at different times. Remember that you are grieving a loss every bit as real as a death. At first, you may want to variously scream, cry, curl up in a ball on your bed, eat ice cream, escape into mindless TV shows or stay up all night talking to your best girlfriends. Or you may do none of these things. You may walk zombie-like through the first few days or weeks, numb with shock. All of that is perfectly normal. Be prepared for any of the early emotions to loop back around from time to time--you hear a song or smell a cologne and you are right back there. But you will not stay there.

3. Care for yourself as you would a friend. Do all the things for yourself that you would urge a friend to do when experiencing a crisis. Eat well, sleep well, exercise, lean on friends, treat yourself to a new haircut or makeover. And don't be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed. A very hard thing has happened to you, and when hard things happen, we ask for help from many sources.

4. Get to know yourself all over again. No matter how great any marriage is, there are always compromises and sacrifices to be made. Guess what? You don't have to please anyone but yourself now. Reacquaint yourself with who you were before you became one-half of a couple. Maybe he hated dancing and you have been sitting out every toe-tapping tune for 20 years. Now is the time to put on your dancing shoes again. He hated foreign films? Well, he's not here now, so fire up the subtitles. Whatever interest, hobby or just plain way of being you had to submerge for the greater good can re-emerge now. Try new things too. There is no one to judge or question your choices now, so go for it!

5. Look at the plus column. And look at it as often as necessary to remind yourself of all of the things you still have going for you--first and foremost, yourself and your survivor spirit. I don't care how insignificant the positives seem now and how overwhelming the negatives are at the moment, write down every good little thing you can think of. If you're going to need a new job, think of all your skills and experience; if you feel abandoned, think of friends and family who are there for you; if you feel one-upped by his new squeeze, remember all the beautifully unique things about yourself.

6. Laugh. Seriously, you must remember to laugh. Laugh at the absurdity of the situations you find yourself in. Laugh through your tears. Laugh at a goofy Facebook post. But, laugh. And here's a special trick when the grins seem hard to come by--remember a time your ex acted or looked like a fool. Like when he butchered the name of the wine at that snooty restaurant or when he tried out that unfortunate buzz-cut-and-earring look at 45. See, doesn't it feel good to laugh out loud?

7. Appreciate the Power of Enough. My ex ran out the door just before the destruction he had set in motion became apparent. I lost my house, my savings, my retirement and my health insurance among many other things, and I gained nearly $100,000 worth of debt, from taxes he'd left unpaid to charges he'd made on my credit cards. I certainly didn't appear to have "enough" of anything, not money, love or security. And yet, in the worst moments, there were still quiet little signs of hope that got me through. I learned to appreciate every drop of mercy that came my way and not to focus on or bemoan the big rescue that never came, but rather to savor the small moments of grace that sustained me, sometimes minute by minute. The lens of gratitude has a magical way of magnifying the smallest bit of goodness until it is enough to cover your need.

This list is certainly not exhaustive, but I hope it gives you a place to start. Certainly, none of us would choose to be the one left behind, watching in disbelief as our spouse walks out the door, but we can survive and even learn to thrive once, as corny as it sounds, we let go of "what was" and learn to embrace "what can be."

Photo: AlphaBaby via depositphotos

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What Disney Princesses Would Look Like If They Weren't Thin

If Disney princesses were bigger, they'd look pretty damn good.

From Cinderella to Snow White and even the self-empowered Elsa -- every Disney princess has had an unrealistic waist size. The Huffington Post UK decided to change that by reimagining what Disney princesses would look like if they were "plus-size."

The term "plus-size" has been widely debated both in and outside of the fashion industry. When people take into account that the average American woman weighs around 165 pounds and wears a dress size between 12 and 14, "plus-size" bodies are far more common than the body size of a typical American runway model. While all bodies are beautiful, regardless of shape or size, the idea that these reimagined princesses are thought to be left of average is shocking in itself.

Snow White



The series features Snow White ("Snow White"), Ariel ("The Little Mermaid"), Belle ("Beauty and the Beast"), Elsa ("Frozen") and Pocahontas ("Pocahontas"). "A little diversity would help show girls that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes," HuffPost UK's Rachel Moss wrote.

Even as Disney (slowly) begins to diversify the color and character of its princesses, the size and shape of these iconic cartoons stay the same. Here's hoping for more Disney princesses we can all see a bit of ourselves in.

Check out the beautiful princesses below.



These images previously ran on The Huffington Post UK.

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5 Reasons It's Perfectly OK Not To Be Friends With Your Ex | Bustle

I’m here to tell you a home truth: You do not have to be friends with your ex. Look, I get it, I really do: After a break up, it is so, so tempting to try to be friends with the person you were dating. You might feel this way for a lot of reasons. Regardless of whether you were the dump-er or the dump-ee, the idea of suddenly going from seeing someone all the time to not seeing him or her at all is simply unimaginable. Or maybe you were friends before you dated, so you feel like you should be able to go back to that. Or you think that, if you could just hang out once in a while, the break-up wouldn’t feel quite so terrible. Or maybe your ex is going through a rough time, so you feel like you should be supportive. But, regardless of your motivation, sometimes being friends with an ex simply isn’t possible, and trying to force that relationship to happen can make the break up worse, creating more bitterness and anger and keeping you from truly moving on.

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10 Thoughts You Have Before Moving In With A Significant Other

1. "Moving in together isn't a big deal. We basically spend every night together anyway. What could be different?" Good one.

2. "The big difference will be that we can do our own things over the weekend now without having to set aside time to hang out... and we can have more sex." Again, good one.

3. "But, wait, will everyone eventually stop hanging out with me because I live with a significant other? Are people just going to assume I'm hanging out with my S/O and not invite me places? Are people going to assume I'm now a boring, married person?" The answer: yes, probably. But boring, almost-married people can have fun too. You might have to do a lot of the "reaching out" and "plan making" but once you prove that you're still fun, all will be fine.

4. "Am I now on the fast track to marriage?" Seriously, stop right there. You're just moving in together. If you feel like getting engaged, go for it, but if not, don't. At least not yet. Moving in together is a step, but it certainly doesn't have to lead to marriage. Remember: it could also lead to breaking up, so proceed with caution.

5. "If I find myself drinking wine on a friend's couch at 3:00 a.m. can I sleep there or do I always have to go home now? I don't want to go home to a boring apartment while everyone continues to party every weekend night." This one depends on your age, but you're going to get over this one pretttttty quickly. Don't worry.

6. "I can start cooking meals for two now!" When you're only cooking for yourself, there's no point of cooking elaborate meals. But now, you can dabble in the Crockpot. You can cook things without having to worry about what you'll do with the leftovers... or worrying that you'll eat it all and gain 10 pounds because you would most definitely eat it all.

7. "What am I going to do when I have to go to the bathroom? Like, will he notice if I'm in the bathroom for a long time? Will he ever hear me going to the bathroom?" We are all humans. We all poop. Yes, that's right. Girls poop. It's inevitable that this is going to happen. As Elsa in Frozen says, let it go. Or just turn up the volume on the TV before you enter the bathroom. Or do your business with the door open. Do what you feel. Everyone has different comfort levels. You'll figure something out.

8. "How are we going to have alone time -- like alone time from each other?" Before moving in together, it's all about finding "alone time" for the two of you to be together. But after you move in, you're going to have to find alone time... for yourself. Especially because you're going to annoy the f**k out of each other at times. And especially to call family and friends to complain about your new roommate, I mean, significant other.

9. "What if we break up?" Valid question. Hopefully you won't, but go into it thinking you might because, well, you might. Make a game plan beforehand in case you do, because if you do cut ties, moving out and moving on is easier said than done. You might think, "oh I'll just move out" or, "he'll just move out," but when neither one of you wants to move out and money and furniture are involved, it becomes a whole thing. Don't let this deter you from moving in together though. If you feel ready to take the plunge, why wait when you can figure out if you're compatible now? A breakup could happen at any time -- even 30 years down the line when you're married with kids. So basically whatever happens, happens. #Life

10. "I really think this will be fine. I mean, what doesn't he/she know about me already!?" Your inner freak has been waiting for it's time to shine ever since you started dating. You won't be able to keep that part of you inside 24 hours a day, seven days a week though -- and neither will your partner. But if you learn to love each other's crazy, then you, my friend, will find true love. Good luck!

This post originally appeared on Forever Twenty Somethings.





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What We Learn From Break-Ups

Are they really the end, or are they the beginning to understanding more and more of what we want and need?

Break-ups are never easy. They aren't the actual closure to your feelings and thoughts towards your ex. Rather, break-ups are the point in time when we must deal with our own feelings, our own sadness, our own ideas of love and what we want.

Tears are shed. Honest conversations with ourselves are had. Waves of happy to ok to completely heartbroken flow in the most elegant and eerie ways, and crash like the harshest of surfs.

From your keys, to a subway stop, to waking up alone, everything reminds you of the person you shared so much with.

Music sounds somber. Colors lose a slight bit of brightness. Touch is completely removed. Food is less exciting. Smells only remind you more of the person you no longer call yours.

This thing called a break-up is made even harder when one person has not done anything immensely wrong. It is simply a difference of the minds, of the hearts, of the souls. A love tank empty, a heart broken, an intertwined spirit unraveled.

There are many different scenarios that lead to break-ups, but one thing is certain, the love doesn't just disappear. You may do the breaking-up, or you may be the one broken-up with, but if the love was real, neither side of this lackluster coin feels like "winning."

You shared couches, meals, memories. You became each other's best friend, confidant, partner. You enhanced each other's comfort, ease, understanding. You started to build a life, introduced family, talked about the future. This person was not your everything, but rather the missing piece.

Then things changed.

The thoughtfulness, the acts of love, the communication all got lost in translation, or simply never arrived. You start to feel the exact opposite of how this person originally made you feel. Your happiness fades. Your eyes tire from tears. You know this simply is not working.

You've tried different ways to make yourself heard. You've made changes. You've done work.

You've given hints. You've been explicit. You've done it all.

It would be easier if someone had done something awful, but the truth is nothing makes this easier. Anger only masks the pain and sadness that eventually comes. You wish things had been different, but wishing only makes wishes. Actions hadn't been employed, and you are left with a heavy heart, not a heart-happy one.

You think back to the times it was magic, and it only makes it sadder.

You could be immature and negative, but it gets you no where, so you choose to honor the love you had, respect the time you spent together, and think of a future when maybe, just maybe, you and your ex can be friends.

Break-ups are not the end, nor are they the beginning. They are simply a time in your life that you must allow yourself to be present with some of your deepest feelings; feelings that surround your own happiness and ultimate life.

We must understand that if there was true love present then we were gifted one of the greatest pleasures of life.

We're not to speak poorly, focus on the bad times and leave that time in our lives in a box. We're meant to take the things we learned from that person, and cherish them, so that we may continue to grow. We shall plant a seed deep inside of us with that person's name so that a tree of knowledge can grow from the things we learned. We must honor the relationship, the good times, the love, so that we may ultimately honor ourselves.

Break-ups suck, but what sucks more is hating someone you once loved.

Allow time to take its course. Allow for breathing room to be felt. Allow for the universe to direct your destiny.

While break-ups are one of the hardest times in our lives, they're also a time to realize who you really are, so keep your head up, buttercup.

Remember it will all be okay. Give it time, and remember you have a beautiful life.

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5 Reasons Not to Judge a Dating Profile Too Harshly

With the power of online dating, it can be tempting to judge potential partners by their dating profiles alone.

Online dating is great. You get to see a person, get a feel for what they're like, and pass an immediate judgment--is this person a potential fit as a partner? Or are they not worth your time?

Many of us browse through dozens of dating profiles before we find one we settle on as a potential match, weeding out candidates based on a bad photo or a cringe-worthy sentence. While this practice seems like it can help you select only the best of the best from the vast pool of online dating candidates, in reality you could be turning down your potential soul mate.

Here are five reasons why you shouldn't immediately reject a person based solely on a dating profile.

1. Your dating profile isn't perfect, either. No matter how long you've spent trying to perfect your online image, there are at least a few quirks that will turn people away. You wouldn't want other people to dismiss you based on those little things, would you?

2. People write fast. Some people don't put much effort into their dating profiles because they aren't sure about the process. Give them a chance--they may surprise you.

3. People lie. That "perfect" profile you found was likely tweaked until it became perfect. It's not a natural product, and some of those "perfect" sentences are less truthful than they appear. An "okay" but sincere profile may be better than a "perfect" but fake one.

4. Conversations are better to get to know someone. You can never get to know someone well through a profile alone. Only through meetings and conversations can you truly get to know somebody.

5. It's a process. You may not even know what you want initially. What better way to get to know yourself and your dating style than to experiment with the options available to you?

So what if their dating profile isn't perfect? If most of what they've written and posted seems decent enough, why not reach out to them? Start a conversation. Once you get a feel for how a person truly interacts, then you can choose whether to pursue them or move on.

Our Brain Is Wired To Move On After Heartbreak, Study Says

We know that humans are wired to fall in love, but are we also built to break up?

Love is what evolutionary psychologists call a human universal -- a fundamental human experience that appears across all cultures. According to a new study, the experience of falling out of love and moving on to a new partner may be just as universal.

A recent review of evolutionary psychology literature, conducted by researchers at Saint Louis University, Florida State University and the University of Cincinnati, suggests that humans are built to experience the pain of a breakup and then move on to a new partner, and that our brains actually facilitate the severing of romantic ties.

The researchers explain that the ability to endure heartbreak and ultimately enter a new relationship may have offered an evolutionary advantage.

"In our evolutionary past, selection pressures may have been such that individuals who could successfully jettison a mate and find a new one, when the situation called for it, would have been better able to solve the evolutionary imperative of reproduction -- in other words, they sent more of their genes on to the next generation," Dr. Brian Boutwell, an epidemiologist at Saint Louis University and the study's lead author, told The Huffington Post.

Boutwell and his colleagues looked at the process of falling out of love and ending a relationship (what they call "primary mate ejection") and the process of entering a new relationship ("secondary mate ejection"). Drawing on research showing that the brain circuitry involved in romantic love is also implicated in addictive behaviors, they hypothesized that falling out of love and moving on is a process akin to overcoming a drug addiction. And of course, those who are able to do so successfully have better survival and reproductive odds.

The findings also show that while both men and women fall out of love and move on to new romantic relationships, they are likely motivated to break up for different reasons.

"Males would be especially likely to jettison a mate when they expect that a partner has been sexually unfaithful," Boutwell said in an email. "Females, on the other hand, would be expected to jettison a mate when they have become unable (or unwilling) to provide resources and to ensure the survival and safety of the female and her offspring."

So what does this say about monogamy? The study suggests that humans are indeed wired to be with just one person -- but not necessarily for a lifetime.

"Humans are (generally speaking) serial monogamists," Boutwell said. "We virtually never mate for life with one partner, so mate ejection provides a mechanism for moving between partners when that becomes necessary."

The findings were published March 2 in the journal Review of General Psychology.

What People Don't Understand About Blended Families

As part of our Blended Family Friday series, each week we spotlight a different stepfamily to learn how they successfully blended their two families. Our hope is that by telling their stories, we'll bring you closer to blended family bliss in your own life!

Right before Trish Carucci's husband Tommy popped the question, he did something that still brings a smile to her face almost seven years later.

"He actually asked my daughters for their blessing before proposing to me in front of our parents," she told The Huffington Post. "The girls had kept it from me. When I found out he had gone to them first, it only solidified my decision to marry him."

Below, the mom of two shares how she and Tommy, also a dad of two, brought their families together.

Hi Trish! Please introduce us to your family.
My husband Tommy and I have four daughters and two dogs. Tommy has two daughters, Debra and Tara. Debra is 22, full of energy and just as funny as her dad. Tara is graceful, much like her mother was. (The girls lost their mother to cancer in 2006.) I have two daughters. My oldest, Sarah, is 21 and has the sweetest disposition. Meghan, 20, is my beautiful strong-willed baby girl -- we referred to her as “Mighty Meghan” when she was growing up.

How long have you and Tommy been together?
He proposed to me in October 2008 but not before going to my daughters and asking for their permission to marry me. I thought it was such a class act to ask and have their blessing -- of course I said "yes." We married August 15, 2009 under a huge white tent and with all four girls serving as bridesmaids.


Photo by Happyhaha Photography

What are some of the biggest challenges you've come across these last few years?
Raising four teenage girls is going to be difficult any way you slice it. Some of our decisions were made together but for the most part we disciplined our own daughters. I think if they had been younger, inevitably we would have had to agree on how to discipline them but because they were older we tried to to avoid the “you are not my mother, you are not my father” arguments. In order to do that, you really need to agree to respect the other parent's decisions and support each other wholeheartedly. It can be a challenge; people raise their children differently and no one way is best. It's whatever works for you and your partner.

You also need to remember that though you may have moved on from your previous life, your children probably haven't. My kids' white picket fence was knocked down after my ex and I split and Tommy's kids watched their mother slip away to cancer. They need to be able to talk about those times and treasure those memories. It wasn’t always a bad time for them and it's important for them to embrace the good in their past.

What's the best thing about being part of a blended family?
I love that I went from seeing two beautiful girls turn into young, strong women to now watching four beautiful women grow together. Tommy and I got really lucky with our daughters. Although they have had their disagreements, they all get along really well.

What makes you proudest of your family?
There’s no prouder moment than watching our daughters enter a room together. It’s like that moment in "Pretty Woman" when Julia Roberts enters the lobby wearing the long, red gown and all eyes are on her. Our daughters are so breathtaking and we're so proud of them.

I’m also proud that through all their adversity -- Sarah and Meghan with the divorce, and Debra and Tara losing their mother -- these four girls have remained strong, smart, successful and close to each other.

How do you deal with stress in your household?
I don’t know if I have an answer for that but we do try to get out of the house as much as possible! We spend our weekends at the beach. I always tell my husband that I have never seen him more relaxed than when he is sitting on the beach. We love the Jersey shore, and although he commutes to Long Island every day, he never hesitates to pack up the car on the weekend and head to Robert Moses State Park for a relaxing day at the beach.

What advice do you have for blended families who are struggling to keep the peace?
Communication is the most important thing you can do with a blended family. You have to be able to express how you are feeling and you need to listen to your children. I rely on my faith to get me through the difficult times and make sure to give thanks for the great moments.

A blended family has to grow but people don’t understand that the dynamics in a blended family are completely different than those of a “normal” family. The rules are different and when people tell you the way it should be or that you are doing something wrong, you can’t always listen. The same rules don’t apply. You have to trust your instinct and pray that you make the best decisions for your blended family. Ignore those who judge, especially in the beginning, and trust your choices. Our intentions are always for the peace and security of our family.



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On a snowy night in January, Death Cab for Cutie packed Music Hall of Williamsburg, a much smaller venue than the band usually plays. In a few months, they’ll come back to New York and take on a bigger space, the holy grail of arena stops -- Madison Square Garden -- but in a small room in Brooklyn, 550 fans bundled together to stay warm and sing loud.

Ben Gibbard, the band’s forever frontman, known for his unapologetic love songs, bounced from one foot to the other, shielding himself with his guitar. His legs seemed unattached from his body as he sang lyrics that ended up on “The O.C.” in 2003. He got through “You Are a Tourist” and “Doors Unlocked and Open,” the two songs from the band’s 2011 album “Codes and Keys” that people still want to hear. Who cares that they’re about his ex-wife, Zooey Deschanel, or that the entire album now sounds like it was written by a man unaware of his own demise (and impending divorce)? To the people in the room, the fans who trekked through the snow, they’re about the person standing by their side, who they’re maybe still in love with.

And when the band bounded into “Black Sun,” the first single off Death Cab's new album, “Kintsugi,” the crowd dug it. “I feel like this batch of songs fits fairly seamlessly in with the old material that maybe some stuff on the last record didn’t,” Gibbard had said a few days before. “Every time we played a set that has new material in it, it always feels like we’re flying down the highway and we have to throw the brakes on for the new songs. Like you see a cop with a radar gun, like slow down.”

Gibbard began the show’s encore with an acoustic version of “I Will Follow You Into the Dark,” sweat dripping onto his gray pleated trousers. The familiar words ached and stretched as he sang. He sounded good. The new songs sounded good, and the crowd realized: Death Cab’s only speeding up.



Earlier that week, Gibbard, drummer Jason McGerr and bassist Nick Harmer sat in a cushy room at Atlantic Records’ offices. They had just barely made it into New York before winter storm Juno picked up speed, and were downing drugstore remedies to fight off colds. Handlers brought in soup and Saltine crackers. They pressed their faces up to the window of the midtown skyscraper to watch snow fall on Manhattan.

It’s just the three of them now, though they’re accompanied by two new touring members (Dave Depper and Zac Rae). Last August, Chris Walla, the band’s founding guitarist and producer, announced that he would leave Death Cab after 17 years, via a column in Seattle alt-weekly paper, The Stranger. “Moving forward, my plans are simply to continue making music, producing records, and erring on the side of benevolence and beauty whenever possible,” he wrote. “Darkness may find me, but I shall never choose it.”

The band knew it was coming. About a month after they started recording the new record, Walla told them he was planning to leave. ”He didn’t realize he was in a rock band until five years into the band,” Gibbard said. “I think he kind of came to the conclusion it was time for him to follow what he felt was his true calling. It’s bittersweet. There’s the relief that it’s finally happened and ...”

“There’s the sadness that it’s happening,” Harmer said, finishing Gibbard's sentence.

“I think in the long run, we’ll all be better for it,” Gibbard said; Harmer agreed, “100 percent.”

“It'll be better for everybody if we’re all doing what we want to be doing,” Gibbard reasoned. “If Chris decided he wanted to focus on production and other projects and move on to other phases in his life. I’d much rather him do that than stay and not be happy. “

Walla’s departure signaled a turning point that has only invigorated the band while they tour and promote “Kintsugi,” their eighth studio album. Walla stayed on to record the album from start to finish, but it was the first Death Cab album produced by an outsider, Rich Costey.

It's a reflective record, with obvious lyrics like, "You've haunted me all my life / You are the mistress I can't make a wife." With a comfortable sense of authority, it's a reminder of why you fell in love with “Transatlanticism,” “Plans” and Seth Cohen. On the surface, “Kintsugi” is a break-up record, a bounce back from “Codes and Keys,” which was met with a resounding “meh” from critics and fans. Listening to it now seems like a horrible “I told you so,” and if you know Gibbard’s love life, it’s almost easier not to listen to it at all.



“Divorce is an ugly and painful thing,” Gibbard said. From the man who wrote lyrics like, "You're the only song I want to hear," this sentiment stings. “As I was writing tracks for this record, I made the conscious decision to not edit that for fear of people either correctly or erroneously putting a face on some of these songs. They’re bound to do that no matter what I was writing about.”

Gibbard added, “Obviously, divorce is naturally going to hang over this record because it’s the thing people probably know the most about in the last two years.”

He explains, though, that songs such as “No Room In Frame” and “Binary Sea” are about other things, stuff like social media and fame and curiosity, things he observed and witnessed in the past few years. These tracks, the ones that seem to bite at no one in particular, are still riddled with the kind of anger and frustration reserved for an indie-emo band. What am I doing with my life? Fuck these feelings.

“Little Wanderer” is one of Gibbard’s favorite songs on the record. “There’s this trope in rock and roll music like, ‘I’m leaving baby and I gotta go on the road.’ It’s always written from the perspective of the person who’s leaving. I just thought it’d be interesting to write a song from the other side, the person who’s sitting at home waiting for the person," he said. "You’re gone a lot and you create a lighthouse of a person at home. But the lighthouse never gets to write its own song.”

And “Good Help” focuses on Gibbard’s time in Los Angeles -- living with Deschanel -- and the people who’d been addled by fame.

“I’ve never been in so many contact with people who had created a world around them that was basically there to tell them what they wanted to hear. I think that fame freezes people at the age at which you got famous. If you watch a documentary about a rock band and they’re super super famous and they’re acting like 19 year olds, it’s like oh yeah because they got famous when they were 19," he said. "There was never anybody around to tell them what they were doing was not fucking cool. I think the entertainment industry is wrought with people who have had their development arrested at a certain point because of that. I have empathy for that.”

Coming from a Grammy-nominated band a raised eyebrow seems appropriate. “You’d have to ask someone else,” Gibbard said when asked if they saw some of that in the mirror.

“We were never on that kind of rocketship,” Harmer said. “At no point did I wake up and find myself in a room or surrounded by people that I had no idea how I got here or now they got here or anything. Where we’re from, valet parking is something that just isn’t ... what is that? Our environment doesn’t support that culture.”

That environment is Seattle. Death Cab for Cutie is as much a part of the Pacific Northwest as bands like Pearl Jam or Sleater-Kinney. “The city of Seattle and the Northwest in general doesn’t tolerate rock star bullshit,” Gibbard said. “It’s the reason you still see the Pearl Jam guys around town in the community. If you heard about one of us going to a restaurant in Seattle and demanding a table because we were in Death Cab for Cutie, we would get laughed out of the city.”



"I need you so much closer” -- it’s perhaps the most famous Death Cab lyric, the “Transatlanticism” refrain that’s held out eight times in a row, four times in a row, until it’s just a thirsty whisper. It’s the title track on the band’s most well-known and beloved album, and in Williamsburg, 12 years after it was released, Gibbard sung it over and over again. He leaned forward as his hair drooped over his face, stopping just above his nose.

“The kid who fell in love with ‘Transatlantcism,’ we can’t recreate that moment for them,” Gibbard had said in Atlantic’s studio. “But I want to make something that reminds people who have been fans for a long time what they love about the band. If we were trying to be relevant we would be making music that sounds like Animal Collective. It doesn’t matter if it’s relevant to what Pitchfork is writing about. It matters about what’s relevant in their lives. To me that’s the goal.”

Death Cab for Cutie's "Kintsugi" is due out March 31 via Atlantic Records, and is available to stream via NPR.

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Cooking for Someone New

Show them that you're into them with these healthy, fun recipes

"Cooking is love made visible" ~Author unknown

Preparing a meal for someone new after your divorce can be exciting and nerve-wracking, but nothing says "I'm into you" better than a homemade meal.

Sure it's easy to order Lo Mein, but it's far less of a gesture of affection than cooking. Plus, after all that greasy heavy food, how sexy do you think you'll feel?

Cooking is a great way to connect to the first person who turned your head and made you smile after the sadness of divorce. Open a bottle of wine and chill out. Catch up on the events of your day while putting the finishing touches on your meal. Let your date participate by asking them to cut some vegetables or toss the salad. It's creative, collaborative and fun.

Here are some easy, fun, delicious and healthy recipes that will not only impress your love interest, but will show them that you care about your health and theirs. Healthy is sexy. Plus, these recipes are all light and clean, so you'll have plenty of energy and stamina for after-dinner romance. And if things go really well, there's a scone recipe for morning-after treats that will insure a sweet start to your day.

Marinated Olives


This is great to serve with wine as your putting the finishing touches on your meal. They are healthy, light and pair perfectly with a nice glass of chardonnay.





Ingredients

• Jar of your favorite olives


• Finely chopped scallions/spring onions


• Thyme, Oregano and Paprika (use your favorite herbs as flavoring--fresh or dried work equaly well.)


• Finely chopped garlic


• Olive oils

Directions

Mix all ingredients in a jar. Shake well. Enjoy! (For best flavor, enjoy the olives the day after, when they are well marinated.)

Vietnamese Spring Rolls


Healthy, crunchy and loaded in flavor, these spring rolls make for a perfect appetizer. Have fun by making them together. Lay the ingredients out and create your own perfect roll.





Ingredients for the rolls

• 8″ or 9″ round rice paper sheets


• Gem lettuce leaves


• Julienned carrots, cucumbers and burdock (optional)


• Any julienned vegetables that you like, really.


• Fresh mint, cilantro and basil


• Boiled shrimp--peeled and sliced in half, lengthwise

Directions

Soften the rice paper in warm water. Gently move the rice paper once softened to a clean, flat surface. Place a piece of gem leaf lettuce towards the edge of one side of the rice paper to give the roll a 'spine' (some support). Add a small amount of the julienne vegetables on top of the lettuce leaf. Top with herbs and one piece of shrimp. Starting with the side with the lettuce leaf, gently roll the rice paper up and over the vegetables, gently tucking in the rice paper on the other side of the vegetables to create a roll. Fold in the sides of the rice paper as though you were folding a burrito, and then continue to roll and tuck in the sides until the roll is done. Repeat until you have as many as desired. Enjoy dipped in the traditional Vietnamese dipping sauce!

Ingredients for the sauce

• 1/2 Cup freshly squeezed lime juice


• 2 Tablespoons Xylitol


• 3 Tablespoons fermented fish sauce


• 1 Tablespoon unseasoned rice vinegar


• 1 Tablespoon chopped, fresh cilantro


• 3 Cloves of chopped garlic


• 1 Teaspoon minced jalepeño chili (with or without the seeds)

Directions

Sauté the garlic and the jalepeño in a drop of canola oil until softened. Add the fish sauce. Remove from heat and add to a mixing bowl. Add the Xylitol, mixing well until dissolved. Add the remaining ingredients, blending well. Allow the sauce to sit for 30 minutes for flavors to blend before serving.

Pizza Salad


This is another great option that you can serve as either an appetizer or, instead of salad. This dish alone will make him or her swoon.





Ingredients

Serves 1

• 1 Udi's Gluten free pizza crust


• 2 -3 tbsp sundried tomato pesto


• 1/2 cup fresh baby spinach


• 1/2 cup arugula


• Few slices of red onion, sliced thin


• 5 Kalamata olives, pitted and chopped


• 1 tablespoon pine nuts


• 2 teaspoons olive oil


• Juice of ½ lemon

Directions

• Spread the pesto on the pizza crust leaving a ½ inch border. Bake according to package instructions.


• While crust is baking, assemble your salad: Combine all the ingredients and toss well.


• When crust is finished baking, remove from oven. Allow to cool for only a minute or so, and then place the salad over the crust.

Fish Tacos


Everyone loves Mexican and this delicious and healthy take on an old favorite is nutritious, light and easy to prepare. Like with the Vietnamese rolls, you can put out the ingredients and each of you can make your own





Ingredients

Serves 2

• 8 organic corn tortillas


• One pound of fish (I typically go to Whole Foods and ask what they have that is organic... best kinds of fish include flounder, sole and tilapia)


• 3 cups red cabbage, sliced thin


• ½ small red onion, minced


• One avocado


• 1 small jalapeno, sliced thin (or less if you like less spice)


• Juice of two limes (divided)


• Olive oil


• Salt and pepper

Directions

• Make the sauce: Mash avocado and blend with jalapeno pepper, red onion and the juice of one lime. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cover in plastic wrap and refrigerate until serving. (You should prepare this at least one hour before eating so that the flavors have an opportunity to blend). Click here for my delicious traditional guacamole recipe video!



• Cabbage: Put the shredded cabbage in a container and add about 3 tablespoons of olive oil, the juice of the second lime and salt and pepper. Mix well, cover and refrigerate.



• For the fish: Sprinkle salt and pepper on the fish and bake until done, about 8 to 10 minutes.



• To assemble tacos: Warm the tortillas. Add one tablespoon of avocado mix to the tortilla. Layer a piece of fish and top off with the cabbage slaw.

Chocolate Covered Strawberries


You'll need a dessert, and rather than getting bogged down with ice cream or bloated with cookies, try this easy and delicious option. The dark chocolate has powerful antioxidants and both strawberries and chocolate have been shown to boost libido, insuring your night ends on a high note. Click here to watch a video recipe for these delicious treats!





Elvis Scones


If the date goes so well that it spills into the next morning, these scones are a fun treat to share in bed with tea. Made with almond flour, which has been shown to be helpful for male libido, having these in the morning may insure that you have someone around all day to share last night's leftovers with.





Ingredients

Makes approximately 10 scones

1. 2 cups almond flour


2. 1 cup coconut flour


3. 2 teaspoons baking powder


4. ½ rounded teaspoon Himalayan Salt


5. 1/3 cup date sugar


6. 2 cups almond milk


7. 3 medium bananas


8. ½ cup organic crunchy peanut butter

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350.


• Combine almond flour, coconut flour, baking powder, salt, and date sugar in a bowl and blend well a fork, break down any chunks of flour or date sugar.


• In a separate, smaller mixing bowl, using a masher, blend together TWO bananas plus the peanut butter and the almond milk until well blended.


• Add the liquid mixture to the powder mixture and blend well with a rubber spatula until a soft dough is formed. If it is too dry, add some almond milk; if it is too loose, add some flour until you achieve a soft dough consistency.


• Cut the third banana in pieces and add to the batter, mixing it into the dough well.


• Using a ½ cup measuring cup, measure out enough batter to fill the cup and then place on baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Using your hands, mold into a scone shape. Repeat until batter is gone.


• Bake in oven for about 20 minutes and then check on scones. They may need additional time, so bake in 5 minute intervals, checking to make sure they are cooked through and browned on top. My scones took a total of 35 minutes.


• Remove from oven and allow to cool. Serve with tea.

Subscribe to Barbara's #MotivationalMonday emails at Barbara Mendez Nutrition for a weekly dose of nutrition information, healthy recipes and advice on optimizing your health and living vibrantly!

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Daddy, I'm So Grateful for Your Wisdom and Your Words

Making memories is a process like nothing else. In the long run, some of your very true favorites were never planned. Those certain tastes, touches and smells, the moments and monuments, and the movies and the songs, and the hand-holding, and the tears, and the laughs, and the kisses on rainy street corners in the shadows of New York's greatest architectural structures. They all just happened at the exact right minute, and place and time. Even if you didn't realize they'd happened until months or years later. They sometimes secretly burned themselves into far corners or pockets of your mind. For me, my very favorite hidden memories are made up of words.

When I was 23-years-old, packing up my car and heading off to my first job in television news in Oak Hill, West Virginia, my father gave me some love advice. He told me, "It's better to be alone than lonely with someone."

Who wants to be alone? My dad's words made no sense to me at the time. And it's a sentence that can be absolutely mind boggling to a lot of people, right now. The idea of walking into a restaurant and saying to the hostess "Just one, please" is daunting, terrifying and depressing. Movies alone. Shopping alone. Entire weekends alone. It all just sounds and feels terrible.

Until it doesn't.

I've been through a very public and painful divorce. And I've been through a very private and equally painful breakup. In the immediate aftermath of my marriage, I sought out an old flame. The polar opposite of my ex-husband, but a man who was no better for me. In other words, I took one toxic path in order to avoid repeating an old one. I did it because I couldn't stand to be alone. Actually, I couldn't stand to be alone with myself.

The truth is we are not afraid of physically being without someone, but that we are often afraid to be alone with our thoughts and our feelings. We are afraid of what we may discover about ourselves we don't like, or, worse yet, our fears and vulnerabilities will surface and we won't be able to cope with them.

My time alone was impossible at first. I would do anything not to be by myself simply because I believed I was not going to be able to deal with all of the thoughts and feelings I was working so hard to suppress.

It wasn't until I was coming out of those two brutal break-ups did I even begin to realize exactly what my father was talking about. I had been lonely with two someones, but I had refused to see it.

I swore I would never love again. In fact, I regularly said that I no longer believed in love.

But then I thought about and talked to my dad.

My father found out the hardest way imaginable what it means to be alone. I watched him lose my mother to cancer, but go on to raise two kids on his own, and all the while, never give up on love. He is forever a believer.

He's so strong that he never has to be lonely, but the world forced him to be alone. At least for a while. Years later, he found Carol, his new wife. To this day, he calls her his bride. He trusted in his heart and soul that true love exists and passed that message onto me.

My dad, Jim Fadal, taught me true love. He taught me how to love, why to love and why it's okay to love again. He is proof that I will love again and I'm working on it every minute. I try to live his words and his faith daily so that they may take me to the same place of happiness he has known, including his life with my late mother who never had the chance to see me grow into a woman I hope she would be proud of.

Daddy, I'm so grateful for your wisdom and your words.

This blog post is part of a series for HuffPost Gratitude, entitled 'The One Thing I'm Most Thankful For.' To see all the other posts in the series, click here To contribute, submit your 500 - 800 word blogpost to gratitude@huffingtonpost.com.

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Why a Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage for Kids

Anyone who is considering divorce knows that there is a lot of research demonstrating that divorce is difficult for children. If you're considering divorce or in the process of getting one it can seem as though researchers are shaking their fingers at you, predicting the worst for your child. As a former divorce attorney, mediator, and Law Guardian, I worked with families going through divorce as well as those who returned to court for updates and changes to their parenting plans. I've also seen acquaintances, friends, and family members who have stayed together for the sake of the children. It's time someone stood up and spoke the truth. While there is no question that divorce is hard for kids, it is a far cry better than raising your children in a violent, abusive, angry, or deeply resentful marriage.

If you stay married for the sake of your children, you expose them to daily arguments, negative undercurrents, shouting, possible violence, and an atmosphere that is in no way calm and peaceful. This has a huge impact on your child. When parents stay in a bad marriage, kids have to cope with the fall out from a never ending cycle of disputes, resentment, sadness, and even hate. A bad marriage is an open wound that can never heal as the scab is picked off again and again no matter how hard the parents try to keep things together for the sake of the kids. Children live in a volatile environment, which even if it is not violent, it is not nurturing and loving.

While the research is clear that divorce does have an impact on children, it fails to take into account the permanent emotional damage children suffer when they stay in one home with parents who can't get along. A divorce frees everyone from this environment and offers many benefits to children:

- Two homes where there is no constant arguing. This allows kids to just be kids without having to work around the complex negative emotions present in a conflict-filled home. Yes, having two homes is a change. It's not always perfect but two homes without fighting is almost always better than one filled with arguments and marital tension.

- A calmer emotional baseline. Things are complicated in the months following divorce, but most families get through this transition and find a new normal. Children are no longer riding the waves of their parents' relationship on a daily basis. Things settle down and everyone is calmer and less combative.

- Happy parents. The benefits of this are enormous. Happy people are better parents. Happy people create happy environments. Happiness rubs off on children. While it takes time to find your equilibrium after divorcing, it does happen for most people and is certainly a better outcome than living unhappily for years in a difficult marriage.

- Children learn that compromise matters. When they see their parents co-parenting and working through the issues in a divorce, children learn that compromise is an important and effective skill. While no divorce is without challenges, getting through it shows your child how to work through hard times to achieve a brighter future. Parents who choose to mediate their divorce show their children that working together to find a solution is preferable to fighting against each other.

- Parents who choose personal happiness teach their kids to do the same. While putting your kids first is often held up as the gold standard of parenting, deciding that your personal happiness is more important than having a nuclear family under one roof sends a powerful message to your children. It shows them that everyone deserves to be happy and that happiness is an important consideration in your life plan.

- Divorced parents can find their parenting mojo after divorce. This isn't guaranteed, but if you have a reasonable parenting plan and are able to cooperate, each parent develops a unique parenting style from the ongoing one-on-one time with the children.

For help creating a good divorce, read The Complete Divorce Guide, How to Parent with Your Ex, and The No-Fight Divorce Book.

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'I Had A 25-Year Affair With A Married Man'

By A.J.

I met Sam in 1981 when I was 39 years old and going through a miserable divorce. My husband had left me and our 14-month-old daughter and didn't want to pay even basic child support.

I needed a good lawyer. Two attorneys I knew and respected came up with the same name and same prophetic endorsement: "You two were made for each other."

Sam was the consummate fixer and rescuer. I kept asking him, "How will I make it? Will I be all right?" He assured me he could take care of everything, and he did.

I began to develop feelings for him.

I knew he was unavailable: a married man with a nice wife and grown children. But I was lonely and frightened -- I hadn't experienced a loss like this since my mother died when I was ten -- and my heart spoke louder than anything in my head.

I persuaded him to come to my apartment by saying, "How can you make an argument about how much it costs me and my daughter to live without seeing our home?"

Feeble? Sure. But he bought it. Once he was in my bedroom, I reached out and began to unbutton his pants. "Oh no, not that. Anything but that," he said in a soft but somber voice.

We started having lunch at my apartment, when my daughter and her babysitter were off at a toddler enrichment activity. Sometimes he would take the afternoon off and we'd go out to Coney Island. After we'd been seeing each other for two years, he gave me a custom-made gold and brown enamel ring with "Always" inscribed on the inside of the band.

His wife began to suspect he was having an affair and confronted him about it. It happened to be one of the few times we had quibbled about something and weren't speaking to each other so he was able to tell her truthfully that it was over. She never asked again and he never updated his answer.

What It's Like To Be The Other Woman

My married friends, Arthur and Lynne, criticized me for settling for the role of The Other Woman. But the other woman was the role I knew best.

My father had remarried when I was 15, five years after my mother died. His new wife took an almost instant dislike to me, complaining that my dad loved me more than her. Dad thought if I moved out of the house for a while, she would "cool down" and change her mind. So in my senior year at Mumford High School in Detroit, Michigan, when other kids went home after school, I drove downtown to a hotel.

Some nights he stayed in the hotel with me; the rest of the time he slept at home with his wife and my older brother. I never did return to my family.

My affair with Sam was like a chance to relive my childhood and try to make it turn out differently.

I had been a successful advertising copywriter but the stress of divorce and single parenthood made it hard for me to devote the time and energy my job demanded. When I wasn't working, Sam always made sure my daughter and I were financially OK. He once told me, "I'll never let you drown."

Family was paramount to him and in 1987, his daughters started getting married and having children of their own. His family obligations grew greater. There were more and more of them in line ahead of me. He had less and less time for me.

By 1994 we'd been "together" for 13 years. During the week, Sam still made time to see me every day. We saw each other after work, having dinner and then back to my apartment. My daughter was a teenager at that point so I made sure he came over only on nights when she was out with friends.

Seeing him always took my breath away. I had never felt such passion or chemistry or such a profound connection with anyone. At the same time I knew that for both of us, our time together was a "time out" from real life. I didn't have to deal with his laundry or his snoring. He didn't have to live with my cat Monty sleeping on his head or leaving orange fur on his English suits.

The Way A Child Loves A Parent

My therapist told me not to be so quick to trust my feelings. She told me that just because I felt something deeply didn't mean it was good for me. But I loved him so much. Totally and helplessly, the way a child loves a parent.

The cliché would have him be a father substitute, but the cliché was wrong. I loved him the way I had loved my mother. He made me feel safe and cared for in a way I hadn't felt since her death.

One afternoon in 2009, sitting at our favorite corner table at the Regency, I asked him what would happen if he were to die suddenly. I wanted some acknowledgement that I was important to him. Instead, I got this: "I'll do what I can for you as long as I'm alive. I don't want to discuss this ever again."

I felt like I'd been punched. But more than feeling hurt, I felt stupid. Why hadn't I done a better job of taking care of myself for all those years? Why hadn't I taken any job that came along to ensure that I wasn't so dependent on him? But still, I didn't leave him.

It finally happened during a particularly crappy lunch at the Regency again. As I listened to his constraints and limitations again (no overnights, no dinner at Le Cirque because he had been there with his family), something in me clicked.

The hole in my heart couldn't be filled by anyone but me. I had to love myself more than I loved anyone else. Even him. Finally, I understood.

We walked out of the hotel onto Park Avenue, and without another word to him, I turned and walked away.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.

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If you're mad as hell (and not gonna take it anymore), we have good news: That attitude might just take you somewhere extraordinary.

By Martha Beck

I was a young mom when I realized I needed to get a grip on my anger. Despite my best efforts, I'd become prone to snappishness. One morning, after cursing at another driver in a minivan full of tots, I resolved never to rage again. But then I came across a statement from Mahatma Gandhi: "I have learnt...to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world." Huh, I thought. Maybe I wasn't a rotten mother. Maybe I'd just been losing something I should have been using. Anger, you see -- yours, mine, Gandhi's -- fuels justice. Virtually every step our species has taken toward a better society happened because someone used a tankful of anger to move the world.

Of course, like any potent fuel, anger is volatile. Most people either suppress it or vent it inappropriately. The former approach is like hiding enriched uranium under your mattress (you won't see it, but it may slowly kill you), while the latter is like slopping gasoline all over your car instead of putting it in the tank. To use anger productively, we must first contain it, then channel it.

Feel around in your psyche for any anger you're carrying. Hint: Anger always says "That's not fair." It points at injustice. For example, a woman I'll call Anne suffered from continuous dull rage because her parents always favored her brother. Brenda was infuriated when her local school refused to accommodate her daughter, who has cerebral palsy. Connie was frustrated by a friend who kept gushing about her new romance, knowing that Connie was mid-divorce.

For all of these women, and for you, the process of turning rage into fuel is the same. Observe your anger, and tell yourself it isn't just OK, it's healthy. This compassionate attention is the insulated tank that takes the explosive edge off anger and makes it available as fuel.

Now you're ready to use your anger stockpile as Gandhi used his -- to correct the problems that inspired your wrath. Anger appears when something you need is missing from your life or something you can't tolerate is present. So ask yourself, What do I need that I'm not getting? or What am I experiencing that feels unbearable?

For example, Anne's parents' focus on her brother left her without the sense of being precious, which everyone deserves. Brenda wanted her daughter to have a fair chance at an education. Connie's anger at her friend stemmed from her yearning for reassurance that she'd be OK post-divorce. The truth my anger told was clear: I was trying to do too much too fast. Despite my fervent feminist-sociologist belief that raising toddlers, finishing school and starting a career simultaneously should be doable, for me it was not. Your anger is probably signaling some equally simple fact.

Once you've found it, ask yourself, What would make my rage evaporate? Anne realized that her anger with her parents would subside if they acknowledged their favoritism. Brenda wanted her daughter to be welcomed at school, but also longed to see society accept disabled people. Connie merely needed her friend to say a sympathetic word or two. I bet you'll discover that the solution -- the thing you need that you're not getting -- is fairly straightforward.

Next, imagine what you'll do to find peace if nothing changes. Anne realized that she might have to spend less time with her parents. Brenda staged a protest against the school. Connie decided that if her BFF couldn't support her, she'd demote her to second BFF.

As a young mother, I found that my anger didn't go away until I gave myself time and sleep. This broke my inner rules, which said I should be doing it all. That's when I realized that civil disobedience -- living according to one's own sense of justice -- isn't just for revolutionaries. If our inner rules, the rules of a relationship, or the culture's rules are unjust, we must break them.

But by all means, make communication your first step. Go to anyone who can make your situation fairer, and explain why you're upset. If they agree with you, praise the day and help create the new system. If they don't, go about living the life you feel is right. This is what Gandhi did to free India from oppression. It's what the suffragettes did to get women the vote. It's what African American civil rights activists did when they sat in seats the country had reserved for white people. Even if your problem is trivial, the process of living your truth instead of giving in to the system is the only way to turn anger from a bitter, explosive power into fuel for change.

I resolved my exhausted-mom situation by hiring a regular babysitter and asking for an extra year to finish my degree. I took a little flak from other people -- and a lot from myself. But I realized I was living a manageable life. If you treat anger as fuel, containing it and using its energy to live your own truth, the same thing will happen to you. You'll actually come to appreciate your anger, knowing that in ways large and small, it will always help you move the world.

Martha Beck's latest book is The Martha Beck Collection: Essays for Creating Your Right Life, Volume One.




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5 Tips For Jumpstarting Your Dating Life After 50

1. Begin by making your own happiness a priority.

What does this have to do with dating?

When you're happy, you glow.

When you glow, men are attracted to you.

Happiness begins inside you and is complimented by the good man you meet and start a relationship with.

Get your inner mojo fired up by finding things to do on a daily basis that make you happy.

This can be as simple as buying a new book you've wanted, or taking a bubble bath and reading a book.

It just has to make you happy. That's all that counts.

2. Create a single girlfriends list.

When my 24-year marriage ended, I wasn't ready to date. I recognized I needed some time to heal.

Yet I didn't want to spend every Friday and Saturday night alone with my dog and the TV. So I began asking friends if they knew other single women I could go to the movies or dinner with.

This was one of the best things I ever did.

Not only did I have fun on the weekends while I was single, but when I began dating, I had amazing support from a friend who understood what it felt like to be single and dating again.

This week, think of all the single women you know.

Ask friends about single women they know too, and then create a single girlfriends list.

When you want to do an activity and don't have a date, call these friends and do something fun together.

3. Accept yourself where you are today versus competing against an earlier version of you.

I know how hard it can be to look in the mirror and see the 50+ version of you.

You start judging yourself, wondering what man is going to love a woman this age.

To set the record straight ... you're not old!

After all, 60 is the new 40!

But you feel old because you're comparing yourself to how you looked at 20.

Men don't do this when they look at you.

Their only point of reference is what you look like right now.

And many men will love how you look.

Attracting a good man starts with loving you first.

So today, find 10 good things you love about you and start reminding yourself about how awesome you really are!

4. Learn from your past mistakes.

With my coaching clients, we look at all the men they've been attracted to in the past.

Clients have huge "Aha!" moments when they see they've been unsuccessfully dating the same guy over and over again without realizing it.

Once we've discovered the patterns, together we create what I like to call a red flag list.

This is a list that helps my clients see they are once again attracted to the same guy and if they go there, chances are, it's going to end the same way the last one did.

The reason you're attracted to the same man over and over again is because he feels comfortable to you.

It doesn't mean he's good for you.

Take a look at the men you've dated in the past and see how many of them are really same guy with the same issues just in different clothes.

5. Do what it takes to make your dream of finding Mr. Right come true!

Do you remember the last time you looked for a place to live?

Think about the mindset and the time you committed to interviewing realtors, checking out houses or apartments and even looking online at Zillow so you could find the right place.

Dating is like this too. It requires a full commitment to doing what it takes to find Mr. Right.

You want to be working on your dating goals everyday, whether it's favoring men on a dating site, flirting with men in the real world, or meeting men for coffee or a drink.

Unfortunately, men don't fall out of the sky (even though it would be so much easier if they did).

Since they don't, it's going to require some effort on your part to make your dream come true.

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. Her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, "5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man," visit www.findaqualityman.com.

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In an interview with Black Enterprise, published on March 19, Gloria Steinem discussed the impact black women have had on the feminist movement and the idea that the movement has and continues to exclude them.

“I thought they invented the feminist movement. I know we all have different experiences, but I learned feminism disproportionately from black women,” Steinem told Black Enterprise reporter Stacey Tisdale.

The 80-year-old activist has had made many life-long friendships and alliances with powerful black feminists throughout her 50-year career. In 1971 she launched Ms. Magazine with Dorothy Pitman Hughes and later featured actress and activist Pam Grier as the first black woman to be on the cover of the magazine in 1975. Steinem was also close with black activist Flo Kennedy and the great Alice Walker.

“I realize that things being what they are, probably the white middle-class part of the movement got reported more," Steinem continued. "But if you look at the numbers and the very first poll of women thinking about responding on women's issues, African-American women were twice as likely to support feminism and feminist issues as White women."

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18 Inspirational Tattoos That Celebrate Divorce

Once they've signed divorce papers, 20-something-year-old women worldwide are taking ink to a whole other level. They're going under the needle and commemorating their new beginnings by getting tattooed. Sure, there are less painful and permanent ways to declare one's independence, but those don't act as daily reminders of strength and wisdom.

Here are inspirational divorce tattoo ideas from those who have been inked:

I got this little guy on the inside of my wrist. It reminds me that after all the heartache, anger and dissolution I went through, I need to stay true to myself and wear my heart on my sleeve -- even if it's scary. -- Jessica from Georgia

Photo courtesy of Jessica.

I got this shortly after I separated from my husband of three and half years. The key is to remind me that I am never locked in any situation. I can always get out. It says 'always a lesson, never a failure' because my marriage was not a failure, but a lesson in life. I stayed married for three years too long because I didn't think I was strong enough to be on own. My life is amazing now. -- Jeannie from Washington

Photo courtesy of Jeannie.

My divorce tattoo is a take on DaVinci's Anatomical Heart. It's broken and sewn back together by the best thing that ever happened to me in the midst of it all: my son, Atticus. -- Katie from Georgia

Photo courtesy of Katie.

The peacock feather is on my left wrist. My life is now filled with peacocks because they are the modern phoenix, representing growth and rebirth. I chose to tattoo my wrist because I can see it all the time, feel strength and remember that I have rebuilt my life. -- Tara from California

Photo courtesy of Tara.

I got my tattoo for my daughters and myself. It shows our favorite colors and objects inside an infinity symbol. I like knowing my kids are with me everywhere I go. I'm getting the second part soon as I can. It'll be a phoenix with the Latin saying for 'I will rise from the ashes.' This will complete my shoulder piece and remind me that I have my daughters and I'll always rise from the ashes. -- Jenah from New York

Photo courtesy of Jenah.

My divorce tattoo consists of two birds. Both are flying out of the cage to represent the freedom I felt as I became a single woman. I had put my life on hold to marry my ex-husband and move to another state for his career. I am now free to focus on myself instead of it being all about him. I'm studying French in college so I added the fleur-de-lis symbol and the phrase 'c'est la vie,' or 'such is life.' When I see my tattoo it reminds me that life happens and to accept it. -- Mallory from Indiana

Photo courtesy of Mallory.

I just started my divorce tattoo about three months ago. It's a work in progress. My ex-husband told me I wasn't 'allowed' to get a half-sleeve tattoo because it would make me ugly. I have lived in Colorado my whole life and wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm so happy that I did this now that I'm free from a controlling marriage. It's a symbol of the control I was submissive to during those four years, and I broke through that and got the tattoo. -- Laurel from Colorado

Photo courtesy of Laurel.

I consider this Against Me! lyric to be my divorce tattoo. It's from a song that was released a few months after my ex-husband asked me for a divorce. Whenever I look down at my arm, rather than seeing a gap where my wedding rings were, I now have this tattoo. I thought that my life was ruined because I was divorced by age 25, but it reminds me that I can get through pretty much whatever life wants to throw my way. -- Lauren from England

Photo courtesy of Lauren.

The meaning of my first name, Briana, is Celtic for 'woman of strength.' Every time I have feelings of failure, heartache and disparity, I remember this. Since my freedom, I have accomplished so much. I am almost done with achieving my bachelor's degree, and I have been on Dean's list every semester, even the semester I got the divorce and was in court every other week! I am on the right path to a wonderful, successful and happy life! -- Briana from Connecticut

Photo courtesy of Briana.

My divorce tattoo sums up everything I changed about my life between the ages of 26 and 29. I lost over 100 pounds, got laid off from my job of over three and a half years, and left my husband. I got it as a 29th birthday present to myself back in January 2013. The quote is from my favorite book, The Stand by Stephen King, and the tattoo is on my upper left thigh. -- Ashley from Kansas

Photo courtesy of Ashley.

The feather on my divorce tattoo represents Forrest Gump, a survivor in his own right. The lyrics 'I felt free' are from a Circa Survive song that speaks volumes in reference to my life. -- Kelly from Ohio

Photo courtesy of Kelly.

My divorce tattoo says 'believe.' It's a simple tattoo and just one word, but it means more than what you think on the surface. I believe in love, family, life, God, happiness, other people, and, most of all, I believe in myself! -- Heather from Maryland

Photo courtesy of Heather.

During my divorce, I read a Bible verse that really stuck with me, Hebrews 6:19. It says, 'We have this hope as an anchor for the soul.' I got this tattoo because I put my happiness in my ex-husband and in turn lost myself. Never again! I will be my own happiness and not depend on others to make me happy. -- Brianna from Las Vegas

Photo courtesy of Brianna.

My divorce tattoo is inspired by a Cinematic Orchestra song called, To Build a Home. The lyrics speak of building a home, and a life together. After nine years of marriage, I can honestly say that I put my all into those things. And just as the song says, it all turned to dust. The song speaks of climbing a tree in the garden that they planted the seeds in together. It mentions gusts that try to change who you are, discourage you, and make you second guess yourself, but challenge you to hold on tightly, and become stronger. The gust tried to blow me down many times throughout the first year. It has been the most difficult year of my life, and it is still not over. I want to be strong, not bitter. My lines are drawn with him, but now I am truly ready to move on. -- Anna from New York

Photo courtesy of Anna.

I got this tattoo on what was supposed to be my wedding anniversary, about three weeks before my divorce was finalized. It symbolizes breaking free and flying after my divorce, and also a double meaning since my wedding theme was based on the peacock feather. -- Kelly from Illinois

Photo courtesy of Kelly.

Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite television shows and my friends tend to refer to me as 'Meredith.' So I found it pretty fitting to get a heart beat with 'life goes on' above it. Great inspiration for a divorce tattoo!-- Brittany from Ohio

Photo courtesy of Brittany.

I got tattooed the day my divorce was finalized. This is a lyric from the Bob Marley song, "Three Little Birds." It helped me get through my divorce. I kept listening to it and reassuring myself that everything would be alright. Now, almost a year later, I know that to be true.-- Manda from Florida

Photo courtesy of Manda.

I chose to get a phoenix to remind me that although I am still very much (metaphorically) burning, I will eventually make it through this and rise from the ashes. -- Amanda from New York

Photo courtesy of Amanda.