Friday, January 29, 2016
State Tax Filing Guide for Same-Sex Couples
Round Table Discussion - Pharmaceuticals: Changing Competition Dynamics - 10 Mar 2016, 14:00-18:30 - Pembroke College, Oxford
What It's Like To Be A Divorced Guy And Dating Again At 30
"This Is Divorce At..." is a HuffPost Divorce series delving into divorce at every stage of life. Want to share your experience of divorcing at a certain age? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.
After his marriage of 10 years ended, Phil Damon found himself in an awkward position: single and begrudgingly tossed back into the dating scene.
Though at one point he considered giving up on love, the Idaho-based writer kept dating and eventually met Nancy, the woman who would become his second wife.
"We had both given up on love, but were pleasantly surprised when we met and learned that there are such things as 'soulmates,'" he told HuffPost.
Below, the now 40-year-old shares how he found love again and his best advice for others dating after divorce.
At the age of 19, I moved in with the woman who would become my wife. Eleven years later, I suddenly found myself single and lost in an ocean of loneliness. Coming to acceptance that my marriage was over took some time. Once I was able to move forward, I faced a terrifying dating field.
Thirty was an awkward age to date. Since I had started the relationship with my ex-wife at 19, I never learned how to date. In addition, women in their early 20s were too young while women in their late 30s and older were generally unapproachable. As a divorced man, I carried a stigma; many woman automatically assumed that I was undateable material. In their line of thinking, I must have caused my divorce. On one date, a woman spent the majority of our time discussing how she had a low opinion of men.
After years of dating women who confessed a distrust for men -- or women who were still going through the pain of their own recent relationship lost -- I came to the decision that I would just be "me." Knowing my character, I decided that I would no longer attempt to prove myself. If someone was not willing to accept me for who I was, then I would simply move on.
At first, this strategy -- if you can call it that -– left me dateless. However, I gradually began to meet women who were open to the idea of a possible relationship. Since I was no longer concerned about proving that I really was a good guy, I was able to focus on just having fun. Some dates were simply movie dates, while others included activities like disk golf, hiking, fishing or taking rides on my motorcycle. It was a blast.
At the age of 39, I met the woman who would become my best friend and wife. In October 2015, we were married and neither of us have looked back since.
For those of you in your 30s who are divorced, both men and women, please allow me to give you some advice: Not every dateable person out there is looking to use you. At the same time, don't rush into the arms of the first person who shows interest. Don't change who you are just to make someone else happy. Respect yourself and others will take notice. You are important, and if one lesson should be learned from your divorce, it's that you deserve to be happy. Don't settle!
More From HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
20160129 - Criminal Defendants Sue State Of Utah For Blowing Off The Sixth Amendment
Criminal Defendants Sue State Of Utah For Blowing Off The Sixth Amendment
January 28, 2016
by Tim Cushing, Techdirt
2016-01-28
Proposal to lift ban on academic credit for paid externships draws heavy opposition
A proposed change in the law school accreditation standards that would lift the ban on students receiving academic credit for paid externships has drawn a…
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Arizona governor wants the state out of the 9th Circuit
Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey announced today that he is working with the state’s U.S. congressional delegation to push for legislation that would remove Arizona from…
Can I Be Sued for a Fender Bender?
These Are The Texts People Wish They Could Send Their Exes
What would you tell the one that got away?
A new photos series on Instagram explores that very question, asking people to anonymously share the texts they wish they could send their exes. The series, called The Unsent Project, is the brainchild of 19-year-old artist Rora Blue.
Some messages speak to the pain of unresolved feelings:
Others are a little more sassy:
The submission prompt on Blue's website is simple: jot off a message and share the color you associate with your former love. From there, Blue takes the faux text and prints it out on brightly colored squares of paper:
Since launching the project back in March, Blue has received roughly 26,000 submissions from all over the world.
"To say the least, I am absolutely thrilled that the project received such a large response," she told HuffPost. "I think there has been such a strong reaction from people because love is a powerful emotion that leaves almost no one untouched."
Read through more unsent texts below or check out Blue's Instagram account for the full collection.
More From HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
20160128 - Why Getting Sued Could Be the Best Thing to Happen to New Orleans’ Public Defenders
Why Getting Sued Could Be the Best Thing to Happen to New Orleans’ Public Defenders
January 28, 2016
by Eli Hager, Marshall Project
2016-01-28
Estimating the Economic Effects of Deregulation: Evidence from the Turkish Airline Industry
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Lyft pays $12.25M to settle California worker-misclassification lawsuit
The ride-arranging company Lyft has settled a California lawsuit alleging that it misclassified its workers as contractors rather than employees, the Los Angeles Times…
Abortion Laws by State
20160127 - Flawed Microscopic Hair Comparison Analysis Testimony Leads to New Trial for George D. Perrot
Flawed Microscopic Hair Comparison Analysis Testimony Leads to New Trial for George D. Perrot
January 27, 2016
NACDL News Releases
2016-01-28
What To Do If You're Less Than Satisfied With Your Sex Life
Relationships are always hot and heavy in the beginning. But at some point, most people in long-term relationships experience a lull in the bedroom. The good news, besides the fact that you're not alone? It's not likely to last forever, said Chris Maxwell Rose, a Bay Area sex educator.
"Knowing that it won’t last forever can take a lot of the pressure and resentment out of the situation and allow you to appreciate other parts of your relationship more fully," she told HuffPost.
If and when you do want to revive your sex life, you need to make a plan for doing so. Below, Rose and other experts share eight tips for heating things up in the bedroom.
1. Talk about it, even if it feels awkward to bring up.
If you want to get back to having sex, you're going to have to bring up the elephant in the room: Tell your partner you're unhappy with your sex life and want things to change. The important thing is to be real with each other and gauge whether or not your S.O. feels similarly, said Angela Skurtu, a St. Louis-based therapist.
"Have a direct conversation about what you each are willing to do to rebuild your sex life," she said. "You need to both agree that you are unhappy with the quality and frequency and be willing to commit time and energy into rebuilding it."
If one of you is perfectly content with your lackluster sex life, you may need to see a therapist, Skurtu said.
2. Flirt shamelessly.
If at this point, you can count the number of times you've held hands in the last year, it's not a good thing. Once you've had the conversation above, flirting with your spouse is the best way to demonstrate that you mean business about having sex again, said Skurtu.
"Talk to your partner about what styles of flirtation you find exciting as well -- 'I like it when you kiss me randomly and then go do something else. It leaves me wanting more!'" Skurtu offered as an example. "You can also send flirty texts, just start to be playful again."
3. Don't wait for your partner -- go solo.
Just because sex with your partner is infrequent doesn't mean you're not a sexual person. Masturbating more often is one of the most liberating moves you can make during this sexless period, said Bay Area sex educator Charlotte Mia Rose.
"Everyone has an individual sexuality that is theirs alone, that can then be shared with a partner," she said. "If your partner’s libido is gone, you can still have a rich and active sex life! This is a revolutionary way to think about sex in a couples-obsessed culture and it goes way beyond masturbation: You can enjoy all of the sensual pleasures of life, get into the best shape of your life and otherwise enjoy being in your body."
In the end, the more you "cultivate your own sexuality, the more you'll have to offer your partner when they are ready to reconnect," she said.
4. Carve out some time for a weekly sex date.
Scheduling time for sex may sound supremely unsexy but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. When you and your partner have hit your stride again, you'll think back fondly on your days of Google calendar-suggested sex.
"If you haven’t had intercourse for a long time, don’t think that you can hop in bed now and get right on that," said Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want. "With a sex date on the calendar, you are more likely to plan out what you can do to make it fun, different and exciting."
5. Hug and touch on a regular basis.
Bringing sexy back isn't going to happen overnight, but it helps to remember that making a connection doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal. Start with a massage or simply touching and work your way up to sex, said sex educator Chris Maxwell Rose.
"Affectionate touch is just as important to the health of a relationship as passionate sex," she explained. "Even if you aren’t having sex, try to add more casual affection into your days; long hugs, kissing and cuddling are all wonderful ways to express your love."
Take baby steps at first, Rose added: "Aim for at least one long hug (at least 20 seconds or longer to trigger the release of oxytocin) or cuddling session a day."
6. Revisit your sexual highlights as a couple.
You don't want to dwell on the past (of course things were hotter in the beginning) but revisiting the highlight reel of your sex life may remind your spouse what you two are missing, Skurtu said.
"Start from the beginning and be specific: 'You remember when we were on that hike in the woods and we ended up having sex?'" Skurtu said. "Go through old sex stories play by play and talk about how it felt for each of you during those experiences. This skill can help couples begin to feel that old spark together."
7. If something feels good, go with it.
You may have had certain preferences back in the day. As you re-approach sex again, give yourself permission to experiment with whatever comes naturally and feels right to you both, Nelson said. It may help you get out of your rut.
"If you ate ravioli every night of the week for year after year, wouldn’t you be totally sick of ravioli?" she said. "Try something new. You aren’t going to have sex if you’ve been together for a long time and sex has become boring or mundane."
8. Romance each other.
Aside from sex dates, make a plan to go on actual dates, Skurtu said.
"Go on a classic long walk on the beach, dress up sexy for each other or light a fire at home," she said. "The key is to put some effort into the time you spend with your spouse."
And if your date night turns into a sex night, just consider it a bonus. ;)
More From HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Does Antitrust Have a Role to Play in Regulating Big Data?
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Are Schools Using Student Privacy Laws to Cover up Crimes?
Journalism production company wins grant to expand police misconduct database
The country’s largest database of police misconduct allegations might get even bigger, thanks to a grant from the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation.
…The Move to Smart Mobile and its Implications for Antitrust Analysis of Online Markets
10 Phrases To Strike From Your Vocabulary After Marriage
Want to avoid ending up on the proverbial couch at any point in your relationship? Watch your words.
Below, psychologists and relationship experts share 10 things you should never say to your S.O.
1. "Why don't you ever do what I ask you to do?"
You're setting yourself up to fail whenever you throw out all-or-nothing, black-and-white statements like this, said Marcia Sirota, a psychiatrist and the author of Women Decoded: The Secret Strategy for Relationship Success. (Think: "You never wash the dishes" or "Will I always be the one who has to bring up our anniversary?")
"It implies that they only ever do things one negative way, which couldn't possibly be true," she said. "Your spouse will feel pigeonholed and will become defensive and possibly even resentful toward you."
Instead of generalizing, Sirota said you'd be better off pointing to a specific, singular example of the behavior you find annoying.
2. "You're being just like your father/mother."
It doesn't matter how healthy a relationship your partner has with his or her parents: comparing them to dear old dad or mom mid-argument is a particularly low blow, even if the comparison is true, said Megan Fleming, a psychologist and instructor of psychology at Cornell University in New York.
"We've all had certain models of behaviors that we can't stand and sometimes, we've unconsciously or even consciously adopted these reactive ways of responding in frustrating moments," she told HuffPost.
Instead of insulting your spouse and your in-laws through comparison, Fleming suggests you work as a team to identify the passed down, negative behavior patterns. Once you've figured it out, your spouse can work on it.
3. "We need to talk but now is not a good time."
If you keep putting those big relationship conversations on hold, you have to wonder: Will there ever be a good time to talk? What's more, the anticipation of not knowing what's going on is bound to make your partner feel uneasy, said Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychologist who writes Psychology Today's "Fulfillment At Any Age" blog.
"It creates anxiety without providing an avenue for alleviating that anxiety," she explained. "It's also a controlling statement. If you feel the need to talk, then wait until you have the time and ask if your partner has whatever length of time you need."
4. "Stop talking." (Or its uglier alternative: "Just shut up.")
If you find yourself telling your spouse to "shut up" mid-argument, go directly to jail, do not pass go, and most definitely do not collect $200 -- you've made a huge slip and don't deserve it.
"This phrase is controlling, disrespectful and kills communication," said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men. "The lifeblood of marriage is love and communication; this phrase destroys both."
5. "Will you please just relax!"
Unless your goal is to prolong your partner's anger during an argument, don't tell them to "calm down" or "relax." These phrases don't bring stress levels down -- they're more likely to trigger hostility and make you look like the bad guy, Sirota said.
"These statements imply that your partner is unable to control themselves -- it feels like you're treating them like a child," she said.
A more helpful phrase is, "Hey, let's both try to take a deep breath," Sirota said. "That will be heard as a gentle reminder, whereas the other phrase will be heard as a put down."
6. "I want a divorce."
Regardless of how mad you are, don't claim you have a divorce attorney on speed dial unless you really do. While this may seem painfully obvious compared to some of the other phrases on the list, you'd be surprised how many couples let the D-word slip during counseling, said Smith.
"For some couples this is a common threat they use, but never act upon," the Northern California-based therapist said. "When you say this, it destabilizes the relationship and makes it unsafe, which paralyzes growth and change."
In other words, don't make empty threats or issue ultimatums unless you mean business, Smith said.
7. "How do I compare to your ex?"
Asking questions about your partner's ex and how you compare is very risky, said Fleming. Sure, you may feel flattered by how you stack up -- but there's an equally good chance you'll be put off by their response.
"This question just sets your partner up," she said. "Don't sabotage yourself or your relationship in this way."
8. "You don't bring me flowers anymore."
Flowers in this instance are a stand-in for just about anything your S.O. used to do: You don't kiss me on the forehead before bed; you don't send me cute text messages throughout the day. Whatever your complaint is, issuing it in a declarative, accusing way corners your spouse and makes it difficult to respond, Krauss Whitbourne said.
"These kinds of statements are unrealistic and a bit passive aggressive," she said. "It make your partner feel defensive."
9. "We never should have gotten married."
This is on par with the casual divorce threats, Smith said.
"Characterizing the whole marriage as a mistake stings to the core," he explained. "This is another statement that is said to hurt and comes from the speaker's own hurt. It's almost never really meant, but wounds very deeply."
10. "Why can't you look a little more like him or her?"
You may think David Beckham looks amazing with an undercut but suggesting your spouse go out and get the same haircut in a heavy-handed way is not likely to go over well, Krauss Whitbourne said.
"Comparing your partner to someone else is never a good idea, and it's particularly bad to add in an accusation or criticism along with the comparison," she said. "Even if you're asked, 'Is X prettier/more good-looking than me?' stay away from judgments that put your partner in an unfavorable light. There's nothing to be gained other than to create hurt feelings. You can give an honest answer but don't forget to compliment your spouse's look, too."
Are you as happy as you could be? Sign up for our newsletter and join our happiness challenge to become a happier, healthier version of yourself. We'll deliver tips, challenges and advice to your inbox every day.
More From HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
20160126 - Illinois Supreme Court opens door to expert testimony on eyewitness IDs
Illinois Supreme Court opens door to expert testimony on eyewitness IDs
January 25, 2016
by Dan Hinkel, Chicago Tribune
2016-01-25
Monday, January 25, 2016
SCOTUS denies cert in case challenging constitutionality of the death penalty
The U.S. Supreme Court has denied certiorari in a case that contends the death penalty violates the Eighth Amendment ban on cruel and unusual punishment.
…20160125 - Supreme Court Ban on Mandatory Juvenile Life Without Parole Strengthened, Made Retroactive
Supreme Court Ban on Mandatory Juvenile Life Without Parole Strengthened, Made Retroactive
January 25, 2016
NACDL News Release
2016-01-26
How Long Does It Really Take to Unite A Stepfamily?
When Heidi and Rob Sykes met, they each had three children from a previous marriage. During the five years they dated, they often found activities they could share with the children: pool parties, pizza dinners, their daughters' soccer matches. "It was a lot of fun," says Mr. Sykes, a 59-year-old realtor in Harrisburg, Pa
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Product Quality Effects of International Airline Alliances, Antitrust Immunity, and Domestic Mergers
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Nick Cannon Responds To Mariah Carey's Engagement In The Best Way
When your ex gets engaged, most of us try to respond maturely, which basically means hiding their Facebook posts from the news feed. It's the adult thing to do. But not even Facebook has a setting that can ignore Mariah Carey's new engagement ring. (Sorry, Nick Cannon, you're on your own.)
Cannon's ex-wife, Carey, and her boyfriend, billionaire James Packer, got engaged earlier this week. While many of us might go into an existential crisis when our ex starts wearing bling brighter than the sun, Cannon did something pretty fantastic.
The comedian took to Instagram and shared a meme showing him apparently being hospitalized because of the news:
In the caption, Cannon explained how the photo made him LOL (for real) and offered his congratulations to the couple.
"Congrats to @MariahCarey and James! May God Bless Your Future Union... #GreatPeople#GreatCouple," wrote the comedian.
Despite Carey and Cannon's split last year, the singer and the "America's Got Talent" host have remained close. The pair even celebrated the holidays together with their twins last December.
Congratulations to the happy couple! And congrats to Nick Cannon for being about the coolest ex ever. Dude's got talent.
Also on HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Which States Increased Their Minimum Wage This Year?
‘One man’s vulgarity is another man’s lyric,’ says judge acquitting man in Twitter case
Apparently recalling a famous U.S. Supreme Court free-speech case, a Canadian judge on Friday found a man not guilty of criminal harassment charges concerning his…
20160122 - Supreme Court Upholds Death Penalty for OC White Supremacist
Supreme Court Upholds Death Penalty for OC White Supremacist
January 21, 2016
by R. Scott Moxley, OC Weekly
2016-01-21
6 Ways to Guarantee a Date in Divorce Court
Divorce has been one of my least favorite teachers about love, life, and, most importantly, myself. In retrospect, some of the decisions I made with the heart were... How can I properly phrase this? ... beyond idiotic. Like I hemmorhaged IQ points and lost all five senses simultaneously stupid. But they are mine, and I own them.
HuffPost Divorce recently asked me this question: What's one thing you wish someone had told you about marriage before you said "I do"? Choosing a lesson was like choosing children. To turn my emotional and financial grief into good, I want to share all my failed wedding wisdom. Here are 6 ways to guarantee a date in divorce court:
1. If someone shows you who they really are, believe them. And believe them the first time. If I listened to my own logic, I would have never been married. Resist the temptation to ignore major character flaws, misdeeds, inconsistencies. Don't justify, pacify, or nullify your partner's actions, your feelings, or your intuition.
2. No one ever changes! See #1. Don't fall for the psychobabble, the "I am so sorry" flowers, the relationship band-aids. If you're a romantic, a "fixer," or a do-gooder, you are a prime target for promises of change. The fundamental truths of a human being are not easily rectified. Find someone who doesn't need you to don a cape to save him from himself.
3. Don't be blinded by the relentless pursuit of life milestones (i.e., friends are getting married or you want to get pregnant). I ignored blaringly obvious signs before I got married because I had baby on the brain. I forgave my ex for things that were unforgivable. I will never do that again.
4. If a relationship is problematic before marriage, it will be problematic on steroids after marriage. You're at your best when you're dating--before real stressors like health issues, finances, kids, stepkids, and in-laws take hold. If your relationship is tenuous during the "honeymoon phase" it will implode shortly after saying "I do."
5. Relationships shouldn't constantly be the equivalent of a "before picture." When two people are truly compatible, there should be a natural synergy; shared passion, values, and goals; a thorough understanding of the essence of your partner; and, above all, crazy, can't-live-without-you love. It shouldn't be forced. If you're constantly fighting and/or breaking up, if you keep shushing doubts that surface in your mind, if you aren't truly happy, you need to be honest with yourself and move on before you enter into a mistake marriage.
6. Be you! Don't mold yourself to someone else's ideals. Don't compromise who you are or what you want when it comes to love. Be selfish. The right person will adore you for sticking to your convictions.
What would you add to this list?
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
