Friday, October 30, 2015
Has Anyone Died in Your House? Now You Can Find Out
Polish judge rejects extradition for Polanski; will US continue to pursue case?
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20151030 - Chief Judge Lauten to revamp problem-solving courts in Orange and Osceola counties
Chief Judge Lauten to revamp problem-solving courts in Orange and Osceola counties October 29, 2015 by Elyssa Cherney, Orlando Sentinel 2015-10-29
What This Nice Guy Wishes He'd Said On All His Dates
1. I almost always asked my dates how their dating experience has been. I did that simply because I was interested in knowing the answer. I would say, conservatively, about 75 percent of the answers were negative. "Haven't met many good guys." "All the men I meet talk about their horrible exes." "The men aren't what they say they are."
I get it. You've had a lot of bad dates, and you enjoy talking about that. And I assume guys do the same thing -- I always stipulate that these are not gender-specific experiences.
Given that, I wish I had said on occasion is, "Stop complaining or stop dating."
2. Again, not gender specific, but I would say that on the overwhelming majority of dates (95 percent) I had my companion do nearly all the talking. I'm a good listener, and genuinely enjoy hearing people's stories. It's what got me into journalism 40 years ago. But still, there have been many times I wanted to say,
"You do realize there's someone other than you on this date."
3. One of my genuine dislikes in life is self-promoters and braggarts. Probably another reason I initially wanted to be a journalist, though Lord knows plenty of journalists are both of those. I was surprised by how many women on dates would talk about how attractive they thought they are, sometimes but not always couching it in terms of "My friends are always telling me how pretty I am."
Once or twice, I wish I'd said, "It's a little unsettling that you keep telling me you're so attractive."
4. Careers and cottage industries have been built on pointing out utterly obvious differences between men and women (just ask John Gray "Men Are From Mars ..." or "Fifty Shades of Grey" for that matter). But I lost count ages ago of the number of women who bemoaned the notion that men didn't understand women.
My question, asked politely and with due respect, "Do women ever need to understand men?"
5. I completely understand the concept of needing to get to know someone before jumping into bed, though how much "jumping" is done after 50 or 55 is up for debate. I used to be of the "time's-a-wastin'" philosophy but modified that somewhat. Still ... my question,
"You do know we're getting very, very old, don't you?"
6. I've written about this one, too. The rules have all changed for the better in the early part of the 21st Century, except for the one that says men should (pretty much) always pay for dates, regardless of the relative financial status of the people on the date. It's great if the woman has worked hard to climb the corporate ladder or started her own successful business or written a best-seller.
So, "Why do guys always have to pay for dates?" (Save your comments about me being cheap -- I've paid for every first date I've ever had and almost every second date.)
7. I know that as we get older, we don't want to "waste" time on relationships that go nowhere (not that we want to when we're younger either). But all relationships involve the risk of not working out whether we're 20 or 60. My dating experience has more often than not been that my companion is sizing up whether I would be good long-term relationship material (again, not gender specific -- lots of men do that).
My question: "Can we finish our salad before figuring out if we can grow old together?"
8. And of course, one of my old favorites -- that quest for the illusive (and non-existent) "Soulmate."
I actually have asked this one, as opposed to the others above which I never asked:
"So how did that whole 'soulmate' thing work out in your first two marriages?"
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
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Thursday, October 29, 2015
Pregnancy tests on jailed women required under old settlement are now voluntary due to new lawsuit
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20151029 - Editorial: State police dragnet should be stopped
Editorial: State police dragnet should be stopped October 28, 2015 Detroit News 2015-10-28
7 Signs Your Husband Is Unhappily Married
Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? Below, psychologists and marriage therapists offer 7 common signs that a spouse may be growing restless in a relationship.
1. He feels like he can't win.
Don't think your heavy sighs and the comments made under your breath are going unnoticed. Unhappily married men often say they feel as though their wives are never satisfied with anything they do, said Kurt Smith, a Northern California-based marriage and family therapist who specializes in counseling for men.
"For some guys, they never feel like they can make their wife happy. Regardless of the issue, they don't do it enough, they do it too much or they never do it right," he explained.
To counter the negativity, Smith said spouses need to put more effort into recognizing helpful, positive things their husbands do around the house or for the family.
"The problem is, many men feel like their partners only notice when they do something wrong," he said. "When we feel like we just can't win, we often just give up trying."
2. He rolls his eyes every time you ask him to attend a party.
It's great to attend parties and get-togethers as a couple -- and making time in your busy schedule for date night is always a good thing. But for some guys, the pressure to be your plus-one at every wedding, work event and ugly sweater party can be a bit overwhelming, said Betsy Ross, a Massachusetts-based psychotherapist and divorce coach.
"Many unhappily married men complain that their spouses pressure them to do this or do that when all they really want to do is absolutely nothing. Sometimes, you just want to chill out for the night," she said.
If you're hearing variations of "leave me alone" more and more, Ross suggests you do just that.
"Men may want more time to themselves but it leads to them lending a hand and actually wanting to spend time with their spouses, without being asked."
3. He complains about nagging.
It's a cliche at this point, but psychologist and divorce mediator Kristin Davin confirms that complaints about nagging spouses is a constant in her New York City office. That said, there's usually more to the story than meets the eye.
"Often -- but not always -- women nag because men don’t follow through. How many times have you had a conversation about doing something and he commits to doing it and never follows through? Often, I'm guessing," she said. "Women feel caught in the middle: You continue to try and talk to him and address the issue but it goes nowhere. He interprets your request as nagging. You want to believe him but his promises go unfulfilled."
How do you save yourself from having these circular -- and tedious-- conversations?
"Try to change the dialogue," Davin suggested, "Say: This really is very important to me so when can I expect it to done? Is there a hurdle we can address? If it's not done by a certain time, can we call someone in to do it instead?"
4. He's putting in extra hours at work.
Sure, staying late at work can be a means to get ahead, but if he's working late into the evenings, on weekends, and even during vacations, he could be using his job as a convenient excuse for avoiding family time, Ross said.
"Spouses usually have a threshold for how much time they can tolerate away from their partner so when a husband starts spending more and more time and energy on work, they're devoting less time and energy to their marriage," she said. "Several of the unhappy husbands I've worked with spent increasing amounts of time on their career, networking or generally pursuing interests outside of their marriage and away from their family life."
5. He feels like he's being punished for things he did in the past.
At some point, you need to leave marital problems you dealt with years ago in the past, said Smith. For example, if he admitted, apologized and truly made amends for having an affair -- and you've granted him forgiveness -- you can't continue to punish him for it.
"We all have made mistakes, but some guys feel like they can never can get out from under the shadow of their past screw ups," Smith said. "These guys know when they make another mistake they're going to also hear all about what they did wrong five, 10 or 15 years ago."
6. He doesn't understand why you give him a hard time every time he wants to hang out with friends.
If the two of you are constantly at odds over his weekly fantasy football league get-togethers, try to address what's at the heart of the issue: If it's his need for space and time to himself that's bothering you, you might want to rethink your position, Davin said.
"Space is vital in a relationship," she explained. "Think of it this way: your marriage should be an interdependent relationship and not one that is dependent and enmeshed. Time spent apart creates space between the couple, which they need to grow, evolve and miss one another."
7. He dodges important conversations.
You may think mid-argument is the best time to bring up the issues that have been bothering you as of late, but the same might not hold true for your hubby, Davin said: Men often need more time or space to process your problems.
"This is very common complaint – often referred to as the 'pursuer-distancer dance' in relationships. Generally speaking, when there is a disagreement, most women want to talk right then and there -- they pursue. Men? Not so much. They want to distance – basically, they need to move away to a place where they have space to think."
The solution to this dilemma, Davin said, is to agree that you'll return to the problem when cooler heads prevail -- but for your own sanity, "do it sooner rather than later."
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(Published) - In re Burgher, Case No. 12-14410-SBB
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
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7 Ways To Embrace Being On Your Own After Divorce
After splitting from a spouse, it can feel as if you've been stripped of your identity. So to help you adjust to being on your own again, we asked divorce coaches and divorcés to share their best advice for embracing the single life.
1. Define who you are outside of marriage.
For as long as you can remember, you've associated yourself with being part of a couple. "We can't go to the party" or "We're headed to a wedding this weekend." One of the most powerful things you can do to embrace your identity outside marriage is to practice making "I" statements, said Laura Miolla, a professional divorce coach who finalized her divorce two years ago.
"Shifting your perspective from 'we to I' after divorce is a challenging but necessary process for healing, growth and empowerment," she explained. "Take this time to reconnect with the person you used to be before you were married. Who was that person? And who are you now? What’s different? What’s the same? What do you love about yourself? What gives you joy? Use that information to choose who you are now and what you want moving forward."
2. Get healthy. (And note that "healthy" doesn't mean losing a ton of weight.)
Now more than ever you need to prioritize your mental and physical well-being -- but recognize that getting healthy doesn't simply mean dropping a few dress sizes, said A.S. Chung, a writer who divorced in 2013.
"Don't over do it. While I enjoyed being able to get into super skinny jeans and had enough confidence to finally get into that Herve Leger dress that had been staring at me from my wardrobe for quite some time, I looked unhealthy and gaunt," said Chung, who was married for seven years. "It was due to my loss of appetite and sleep deprivation. Eventually, I decided that if there was anything I could control about myself it was my health. I began to box, I squeezed every ounce of unhappiness out onto unforgiving boot camps and calmed my busy mind at yoga."
3. Make a post-divorce bucket list.
Maybe you've always wanted to zip line but your ex was afraid of heights. Maybe you've long harbored dreams of starting a YouTube cooking channel but never had the time or the confidence. Use your divorce as a catalyst to get it done, said Debbie Martinez, a mindful life coach who specializes in divorce.
"Start making plans for things you've always wanted to do and start checking some of those off," she said. "Set completion dates, do research and get excited. And make sure the items on your list are all you-focused. Sure, you might have on there some fabulous trip you want to take with the kids but most of it should be about the new you."
4. Make like Stella and get your groove back.
You don't necessarily have to sign up for that pole dancing class at the gym or download Tinder with a quickness, but reconnecting with your sensual side can be a very good thing after divorce, said Martinez.
"For all your married years, you've known yourself as a wife, mother, daughter, coworker, and friend but over time, you may have lost the sense of what it actually feels like to be a woman or a man," said Martinez. "Reconnect with that part of yourself that's been on hiatus: Change your wardrobe, do things that make you feel sexy (I personally signed up for a burlesque workshop), tap into the little child in you by doing fun things (adult kickball or horseback riding, for instance) because that gives you a freeing feeling and that feeling is sexy."
5. Take comfort in friends and family who really care about you.
Divorce has a way of showing you who your true friends are -- embrace those people and try not to worry about those who don't show up, advised Miolla.
"Divorce is a little like a death: The people around you will react in different ways," Miolla said. "Your closest relationships will become closer as your best friends and family try to protect and help you -- while others will distance themselves. You know who your champions are now. So focus your time and energy on them. Don’t invest in people that won’t invest in you. Be with the people who love and cherish you."
6. Take that old hobby you used to love off the back-burner.
Remember all those old hobbies and interests you used to enjoy when you were single? Revisit them, said divorce coach Emma Heptonstall.
"I’m not talking a night out with friends (although you might have given those up too!), I’m talking about a passion, a hobby that was all yours," she said. "Look back at what you enjoyed and consider revisiting that passion. It will help you reconnect with the ‘you’ you were before your relationship."
7. Take a solo trip.
Most of us don't have the money (especially after divorce) to travel the world a la Eat, Pray, Love. But traveling and experiencing new things really doesn't have to break the bank, Chung said.
"Travel doesn’t necessarily have to involve long haul flights and expensive ventures," she said. "It’s about exploring destinations you have never been before and opening up your senses to history, culture, people and languages -- and it will take you away from an environment that is stale or is a constant a reminder of what it once was! Travel taught me to stop, observe, inhale the surroundings and slow down and those newfound ebbs and flows have transcended into my daily life."
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20151028 - Case Dismissed Against William H. Merideth, Kentucky Man Arrested For Shooting Down Drone
Case Dismissed Against William H. Merideth, Kentucky Man Arrested For Shooting Down Drone October 27, 2015 by Elisha Fieldstadt, NBC News 2015-10-27
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
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20151027 - Court: When Aerial Surveillance Resembles An 'Invasion,' It Becomes An Illegal Search
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This Comic Perfectly Captures What Life Is Like After A Breakup
When his relationship ended after two years in 2014, Brandon Sheffield felt like there was a "very specific person-sized hole" in his life.
To cheer himself up, the Oakland, California-based video game director started writing little vignettes about his experiences, documenting everything from how awkward he felt going out sans-girlfriend to how depressing it was to crawl into bed alone.
"I noticed there were certain patterns to the way I felt and sort of rolled around through my days," Sheffield told HuffPost. "But I also realized that even though my emotional wounds were specific to me, the way I was acting was very similar to what I'd seen friends go through."
Realizing how universal his routine was, Sheffield asked his friend, New York-based illustrator Dami Lee, to turn the stories into comic strips -- a project they'd eventually call No Girlfriend Comics.
"She added bits of herself here and there, which I think made the comic more relatable and not just for dudes," Sheffield said of his collaboration with Lee, who was living in Seoul, Korea at the time.
(Story continues after the comic.)
The sweetly relatable comics -- which ran on the site Tapastic from early August to December 2014 -- touched a nerve with readers, so much so that when Sheffield and Lee wrapped up the series after 20 installments, their audience wanted more.
"People complained when the series ended because they really wanted Brandon (the character) to stay miserable!" Lee told HuffPost,"But it felt right to end it at 20 comics instead of continuing the series; it represented a passing phase that everyone goes through at some point. The comic came to its natural end, just like a lot of relationships."
See some of our favorite installments below, then head to Tapastic to read the comic series in its entirety.
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Monday, October 26, 2015
What to Do If You Bought a Haunted House
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20151026 - The Death Penalty Election: A Louisiana Parish Is Ground Zero for the Capital Punishment Debate
The Death Penalty Election: A Louisiana Parish Is Ground Zero for the Capital Punishment Debate October 26, 2015 by Jay Michaelson, Daily Beast 2015-10-26
Chicks Unhitched: Why You Should Consider Leaving Home to Heal From Divorce
A year ago almost to the day, I visited a place that I consider one of the most physically beautiful, cloistered sanctuaries in the country, located one-hour outside Asheville, North Carolina, called Lakeview at Fontana. This year, again I traveled to this North Carolina retreat center, for a program called Chicks Unhitched. However, this year I came for an entirely different reason. My initial trek from Dallas to the Smoky Mountains last year was to explore options to help my divorce clients find retreat centers where they could heal from the upheaval of a broken marriage and relationships. This time, my sole mission for taking a week off of my busy, divorce litigation schedule was to heal -- from my own divorce, freshly five months finalized.
As soon as Tetia McMichael, friend and founder of Chicks Unhitched, heard of my divorce, she invited me, arms wide-open, to come to Lakeview at Fontana. She gently nudged me with care-packages and encouraging emails to try it out as a consumer this time, offering me a unique opportunity to find peace and a pathway to recovery. And I couldn't get there fast enough.
Healing and Fear
Healing happens gradually. There is no magic formula, no spell or wand that can wipe away our sorrow or regret. But it helps to have a team of supportive and strong women, gorgeous scenery and focus. One of the life coaches from Chicks Unhitched shared with us that, "fear is the greatest obstacle to joy." When the bottom falls out of our relationships, the sense of fear is overwhelming and often debilitating -- joy seems like distant memory. Healing seems impossible with this inherent fear.
Welcome to Your Journey
The six ladies who joined me during my journey at Chicks Unhitched shared their common fears: "Am I a quitter? What could I have done to have salvaged this? Am I lovable? What if I never find love again? What if I run out of money after this is all over?" Fear is an insidious and strong emotion and an enemy to healing.
Every day we faced our fears at Chicks Unhitched. Just getting there, on day one, literally was an obstacle for some. Traveling by trains, planes and automobiles, some from as far as Canada, these ladies left busy career calendars, children and the hustle and bustle of daily life to focus on themselves. They arrived to Lakeview at Fontana for this chance to meet new friends and to swap tales of woe and triumph. It's not easy to tell strangers the intimate details of just how bad it got before you called it quits or why your husband/boyfriend left you for an upgrade.
These women described in heart-breaking detail how their relationships deteriorated to the point where they had to file for divorce or leave. These brave women candidly shared their narratives: the gut-punch of decade-long affairs, the mid-life crisis wife trade-ins, partners who suffered grave addiction and mental illness and men who bailed at the mention of one of the ladies being diagnosed with MS. There is no one-upmanship in these conversations, just empathy. We all got here somehow, and we all had one thing in common: we were ready to move on.
I met my six new "insta-friends" on Sunday evening when I arrived, and continued to chatter with them as if I'd known them since elementary school until I departed the following Friday. During that week, we cried, shared stories, did yoga, white-water rafted, rode horses through the Smoky Mountains and had a champagne shopping spree together. However, the most important part of this journey was not the zip lining, ropes course or even the amazing nightly organic meals -- it was just being there. We were in a safe place, feeling nurtured and loved, and so the healing part was easy. Nightly, we were in our pajamas outside on the patio, recapping the day and fantasizing about how brilliant our new lives were going to be when we returned home. I felt like I was 13 years old planning out how it was going to be "when I grew up."
The Ropes Course: Facing Our Fears
The most significant day of the retreat occurred on day two. On the second day, we braved a ropes course that challenged even the most athletic of the bunch. (Now I know why day three is designated spa/shopping day). Our Iron Woman athlete, Amanda, who literally is a serial marathoner and self-assigned fearless leader, coached us through the ropes course.
As we whined, cursed and grunted our way through rope webs, swinging logs, free-form obstacles and gravity-defying feats four stories high in the air, this team of women quickly became a resounding unit of "yes you can!" There were a few challenges that made me feel like an ill-prepared contestant on American Ninja Warrior or Wipeout. Although I was not climbing the formidable K-2, many times, when I literally almost lost my footing on the ropes, or was hanging upside down without a plan to right myself, I felt like turning back. I wanted to press the "easy" button. But just as in life, there was no easy way down.
Ann, our consummate optimist and full-belly laugher, told me that the ropes course defined her experience. Ann described that the ropes course, "was a game changer for me and so many women." She explained that, "my life experiences and the voices in our heads (as women), that told me 'you can't do this,' disappeared into a faint whisper, and with the support of our peers, we all conquered every obstacle. It's like a metaphor for the obstacles that keep us from moving on in our lives."
Barbara, our demure, world-traveled artist, told me: "The moment that defined my week was when I let go of the rope on one platform, and crossed the threshold to a next challenge."
Graduating From Fear and Learning to Take Care of YOU
In order to walk through the fear, I explain to my divorce clients how they must start to heal. I often refer to the oxygen mask metaphor, and Chicks Unhitched reinforces it from the moment you arrive. Ladies, the oxygen mask must go on your mouth after a sudden change in cabin pressure. If you can't help yourself, you cannot move on and function in this world. In the healing process, when breathing is even harder to do, the oxygen mask must go on your face first. As moms, mothers, girlfriends and nurturers, we are constantly putting our needs aside to attend to others. However, the fallout can be catastrophic. If you can't breathe, neither can your children, friends or partners.
So, when that plane, (insert marriage or relationship here) goes down with a vengeance -a sudden change in cabin pressure, please put that mask on your mouth first. Chicks Unhitched taught and reinforced this concept from the moment through our morning French Press coffee, yoga, massages, pep talks and life coaching. We had dietitians, yogis and guides to educate us how to start putting ourselves first: through diet and exercise, goal-setting and just literally prioritizing our needs day by day. By the end of the retreat, we all felt like we were breathing 100 percent oxygen. Our masks were on.
Who Should Attend Chicks Unhitched?
Amanda, aka, "Iron Woman," whom I referenced earlier, identified who may be a good candidate to attend Chicks Unhitched. She delineated that this is not just for "the newly divorced, but also for those still struggling or trying to build or rebuild their own life at any time after the end of a relationship. Whether it ended 6 months or 6 years ago, there's still an enormous amount of value in taking time to look at your life and to continue moving forward to hopefully make it match the vision you have for yourself."
Amanda also provided insight on our collective mission and how it worked to create a new vision after leaving. Amanda explained, "We were all there to try to forge change in our lives and as the days passed, our walls continued to crumble, allowing us to be wholly and completely ourselves, with no judgement. These women, despite our obvious differences, have become invaluable to me in my journey."
Another friend, Ann, returned for a second trip to Chicks Unhitched -- not because of a recent breakup or divorce, but to remind herself why she's worth it. Ann, who has a job that entails nurturing and educating others, with her infectious laugh and great attitude, explained that sometimes she failed to nurture herself. She learned at this retreat that you must, "nurture yourself as much as you nurture others. If life, past relationships or your internal voices tell you that you can't, prove them wrong."
Jessica, an unassuming, spiritual, mother-of-three young children, said that Chicks Unhitched taught her one that she was capable of a great transformation. Jessica promised, "only expect not to be the same person when you get home." Jessica acknowledged that while, "I'm sure that you can recharge going on a weekend trip wherever with a friend, this structured program -- with its provoking life coaching sessions and physical challenges, also gave me an inherent connection with other women which is unparalleled with any other divorce retreat center that I researched." Jessica emphasized the clarity she received from this experience was a major gift. She saw that there is now, "an end to the fog I'd been living through (post-divorce)." Connection and challenge lifted Jessica out of a fog, she told me, emphasizing her new-found clarity after the retreat.
What Did I Learn (the Second Time Around?")
As a participant in this week-long transformation of Chicks Unhitched, I can tell you that this is no adult sleep away camp where you gather pen pals and archery skills. While I had been trying therapy, message, self-help books and even painting classes, I needed a jolt to reboot my attitude about my lost marriage. As I "went to the mountain" at Lakeview at Fontana, to discern my new post-divorce path, I learned some valuable lessons, which are forever embedded in my thinking:
1. We are stronger than we think we are;
2. Female connection is universal and sacred;
3. Physical challenges can change the way our brain works;
4. You have to want to change something badly enough before you start to change it;
5. There are no magic tricks to heal and process your fear and grief.
I am humbled and inspired by the six women that I met. My gratitude for this experience is overwhelming and, and I hope that the words of these wise and lovely women guide you to find change in your life. While it may seem an expensive investment of time and money to travel across the United States for clarity and strength, you are worth it and will surely find a new vision through this journey.
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Saturday, October 24, 2015
Pope Francis Ends Synod By Excoriating Bishops With 'Closed Hearts' And 'Heads In The Sand'
Pope Francis, ending a contentious bishops' meeting on family issues, on Saturday excoriated immovable Church leaders who "bury their heads in the sand" and hide behind rigid doctrine while families suffer.
The pope spoke at the end of a three-week gathering, known as a synod, where the bishops agreed to a qualified opening toward divorcees who have remarried outside the Church but rejected calls for more welcoming language toward homosexuals.
It was the latest in a series of admonitions to bishops by the pontiff, who has stressed since his election in 2013 that the 1.2 billion-member Church should be open to change, side with the poor and rid itself of the pomp and stuffiness that has alienated so many Catholics.
In his final address, the pope appeared to criticize ultra-conservatives, saying Church leaders should confront difficult issues "fearlessly, without burying our heads in the sand."
He said the synod had "laid bare the closed hearts which frequently hide even behind the Church's teachings or good intentions, in order to sit in the chair of Moses and judge, sometimes with superiority and superficiality, difficult cases and wounded families".
He also decried "conspiracy theories" and the "blinkered viewpoints" of some at the gathering, and said the Church could not transmit its message to new generations "at times encrusted in a language which is archaic or simply incomprehensible".
The outcome of the gathering, over which the pope presided, marked a victory for conservatives on homosexual issues and for progressives on the thorny issue of remarriage.
The final synod document restated Church teachings that gays should not suffer discrimination in society, but also repeated the stand that there was "no foundation whatsoever" for same-sex marriage, which "could not even remotely" be compared to heterosexual unions.
The 94-article document indicated that the assembly had decided to avoid overtly controversial language and seek consensus in order to avoid deadlock on the most sensitive topics, leaving it up to the pope to deal with the details.
The synod is an advisory body that does not have the power to alter church doctrine. The pope, who is the final arbiter on any change and who has called for a more merciful and inclusive Church, can use the material to write his own document, known as an "apostolic exhortation".
HOPE FOR DIVORCEES
The synod document did offer some hope for the full re-integration into the Church of some Catholics who divorce and remarry in civil ceremonies.
Under current Church doctrine they cannot receive communion unless they abstain from sex with their new partner, because their first marriage is still valid in the eyes of the Church and they are seen to be living in an adulterous state of sin.
They only way such Catholics can remarry is if they receive an annulment, a ruling that their first marriage never existed in the first place because of the lack of certain pre-requisites such as psychological maturity or free will.
The document spoke of a so-called "internal forum" in which a priest or a bishop may work with a Catholic who has divorced and remarried to decide jointly, privately and on a case-by-case basis if he or she can be fully re-integrated.
"In order for this happen, the necessary conditions of humility, discretion, love for the Church and her teachings must be guaranteed in a sincere search for God's will," the document said.
Tally sheets showed that the three articles on the divorced and re-married were the most fought-over, reaching the two-thirds majority needed to remain in the document by only a few votes each. One passed by only one vote.
Progressives have for years been advocating the "internal forum" and some observers said the mere fact that phrase was included in the document was a victory for those promoting merciful change.
During the synod, some bishops said the Church should introduce welcoming and inclusive language regarding homosexuals, such as calling them "brothers, sisters and colleagues" in the document.
But Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn of Vienna told reporters many of the 270 bishops felt homosexuality was still "too delicate a theme" in their countries. During the meeting, African bishops were particularly adamant in their opposition to welcoming language toward homosexuals, saying it would only confuse the faithful.
At a preliminary meeting a year ago, conservative clerics made sure an interim report deleted a passage they thought was too welcoming to gays.
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