Stay Off Social Media (Or Risk Divorce), New Survey Says

Want to keep your "in a relationship" or "married" status on Facebook? You might want to log off Facebook.

One in seven people said they'd considered divorce because of their spouses' questionable activity on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or What’sApp, a recent survey of 2,000 married Brits found.

Almost a quarter of those polled by the law firm Slater and Gordon said they had at least one argument a week related to social media use, with 17 percent admitting they fought about it every day. (Those numbers are high, but in all honesty, there's endless fodder for arguments with this: "Was it really necessary to friend request an ex-girlfriend from freshmen year?" "We saw 'Taken 3' together -- why'd you just check yourself in at AMC?")

Also interesting to note: Fifty-eight percent of those polled said they knew their partner's passwords, even if their spouse was unaware of it.

Meanwhile, back here in the states, divorce attorneys agree that social media has increasingly played a part in marriage breakdowns. In 2010, 81 percent of divorce attorneys surveyed by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers said they'd seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence in the five years prior. The attorneys said Facebook was the number one source for finding online evidence, with 66 percent admitting they'd found evidence by combing the site.

Way to ruin marriages, Mark Zuckerberg.

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How Should I Talk About My Ex's New Partner To My Kids?

Reader Reeling writes,

I'm very curious about the introduction of a "person of interest" to kids when one parent is leaving the other parent to pursue their affair (emotional/physical, whatever).  The leaving spouse already has the potential desire of introducing someone new to the kids and the "left" spouse is still trying to figure out what the heck just happened. The kids are still confused and extended family is still reeling. Do morality clauses in parenting agreements do any good here to at least try to prevent overnights when kids are used to mommy and daddy? Do they do any good at all? How does the "left" spouse handle teaching the kids good moral standards when their other parent is exhibiting anything but. How does the left spouse handle the "just trust me to do the right thing" when there is no trust left?... kids are primary/upper grades elementary school aged children.

Dear Reeling,

I understand why you're so upset. It would be hard not to understand. Kudos to you for focusing on your children's transition and not your own pain. (By the way, you should find a supportive counselor to help you through this difficult time.) There are plenty of ways to ensure that your kids have the best transition possible, and one of them is letting go of what you cannot and should not control. If your ex had an affair, then he already has a relationship with some woman. It is likely it has been going on for a while, and if he left you for her, it's serious. So you're right that he will probably want to introduce her very soon, and then they will likely live together if not marry, and then the overnights will be constant. And before that they may be constant too.

This may be difficult for you to deal with, but what are your choices here? You can't stop him from having a relationship. You can try to make some parenting agreement clause but usually those exclude serious relationships/fiances (and so he will likely just propose to her if she's that important and if you give him an ultimatum like that). Your best bet is to focus only on your kids and their transition. Discuss with them that daddy may have another partner, and she will probably be very nice, and they should try to enjoy their time with her. There is absolutely no up side and only down sides to making your kids dislike this person. She may be their stepmother and it would be horrible for them to start off on a bad foot with her.

On a more important note, your ex's poor choices when it comes to cheating on you do not have anything to do with his ability to be a good dad. He is right that you need to trust him -- not with your own heart but with the hearts of your kids. If he behaves egregiously, like getting drunk around them or having loud sex with his new girlfriend, you can intervene at that point. But if he is anywhere in the realm of normal, he is worried about the kids' transition too, and will be trying to be a good dad. You don't have much of a choice but to trust him, so try to focus on his positives as a dad.

You need to realize that anything you do in this situation will affect your children, and you have the power to either make sure they remain close to their dad, or you could singlehandedly alienate them from him. Read this post about a reader whose parents trash talked one another, and the terrible effect on her. Read this one about how parents (even when still together) can mess up their kids by causing the kids to side with one parent against the other.

I am not saying you are going to alienate your kids from their dad. But I am concerned by what you call his "lack of morality." If you mention this, or if you so much as roll your eyes about your kids' dad in their presence, they are going to pick up on it and may start to view him as a bad person. This means that they will view themselves as created by a bad person, which means they will have low self esteem. Through whatever therapy and conversations with friends and family and whatever other self-care you need to do, you need to put on a game face in front of your kids and only mention the positive parts of dad. And if your extended family mentions anything bad about your ex in front of your kids, you need to stop them from doing that right away.

So, basically, you have to trust your ex to do the right thing, while you raise your kids however you would have before all this. On top of this, you have to focus on the positive parts of your kids' dad and mention those parts out loud. Encourage them to love him. It is the best thing you can do as a mom and your kids will learn whatever they need to about your ex as they become adults. For now, loving him is the healthiest thing they can do, and you must facilitate and support them in their love of him and their trust in him, even if it nearabout kills you. (As I mentioned before, now would be a good time to start seeing a therapist who can guide you through this.)

Good luck and keep me updated. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Stay Strong!

For more, visit Dr. Rodman at Dr. Psych Mom, like her on Facebook, and join her on Twitter @DrPsychMom.

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The Women's Bathroom Sign You Can't Unsee (And Won't Want To)

The generic symbol for a woman, seen on countless bathroom signs all over the world, just got a whole new meaning.

While her male counterpart appears to be unclothed or wearing a tight unitard, the figure symbolizing the women's restroom is usually wearing a dress. Recently, a tech company called Axosoft reimagined the ladies room symbol.

The outfit choice for this much-needed reinterpretation? That's a superhero cape.

CANNOT UNSEE. pic.twitter.com/5MKLfnppRP

— Jamie Kruger (@thekroog) April 29, 2015

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"It was never a dress," Axosoft writes in their new campaign to empower women in technology.

"This lady, well, we've been looking at her the wrong way," Tania Katan, the Curator of Code for Axosoft, said in a recent video. "We're launching a campaign that shows you what's really on the other side. It was never a dress."

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— Hayley Ringle (@PhxBizHayley) April 27, 2015

Katan with Axosoft's new female symbol at the Girls In Tech conference last week.


The campaign hopes to create important dialogue around women in tech, science and other fields where women are underrepresented. "In science, technology, arts, mathematics, politics, houses of worship, on the streets, and in our homes, insightful women are often uninvited, overlooked, or just plain dismissed," the campaign's website reads. "When we see women differently... we see the world differently!"

We'll take a cape over a dress -- or just wear a cape over a dress -- any day.

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14 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman Who Lost Her Father

I was two years old when my father died. The only things I remember about him are other people’s memories. It’s probably why photographs hold such a magical power over me -- they are my only way of proving that he actually existed.

As the years pass, I have more and more friends who have lost their fathers. Everyone's experience is different, and it's not always easy to explain what it's like to live with that kind of loss. But that doesn't mean we don't want to talk about it.

However, there is a right way and a wrong way to have that conversation. Even if you have the best of intentions, there are some things you just shouldn't say to women who have lost their dads. Here are 14 of them:

1. Don’t tell me that my wedding will still be nice and that he'll be there in spirit. It’s not the same as having him walk me down the aisle or picking a special song for the father-daughter dance.

2. Don’t say at least he lived a long life. This sounds like you're saying it's not so bad.

3. Or that many people die young. Age doesn't matter.

4. Don’t tell me that he’s in a better place.

5. Or that it was his time to go. Regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs, this doesn't make the surviving family feel better.

6. Never ask if I’m over it yet. All this does is point out that he has been gone for a while. And when you lose a loved one, there is no "getting over it."

7. Don’t bring up the term "daddy issues" or ask if I’ve had healthy romantic relationships. Just because a woman lost her father doesn't mean she's broken.

8. Don’t tell me to cheer up, or that my father wouldn't want me to be sad. How would you know?

9. Eliminate the phrase "there is a reason for everything" from your vocabulary. This is neither charming nor whimsical when talking about death.

10. Don’t say at least he's not suffering anymore.

11. Don’t tell me it’s not that bad because I was young when he died...

12. ...Or imply that a cancer diagnosis makes death less shocking. Whether it was expected or unexpected, It doesn't make a major loss any easier.

13. Never tell me that everybody's parents die sooner or later...

14. ...Or remind me that at least I still have a mom, because some people don't even have that.

Here is what you can say instead:

Tell me about your father.
I wish I had known him.
I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
My favorite memory of your father is…
I wish I had the right words. Just know that I care.

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His Hands: Love and Loss After Divorce

On our first date he sat across the booth from me at Outback Steak House and over a Blooming Onion he said, "I bet you've never dated a guy like me."

I replied, "What do you mean?"

He held up his fingers, palms toward him, fluttered them and said, "A guy with dirty fingernails."

He was right. I hadn't. I'd recently left an eight year marriage from a soft-handed man. My now ex-husband was hygienically conscious and washed his hands after every meal, every task, lotioning them up in the dry winters. My ex-husband's fingers, like mine, typed on a computer all day. They didn't smooth wood or grout tile or carry stacks of lumber and crack from overuse like this man's hands. This man's hands were tools fastened to his wrists. They were like giant boulders on the end of steel rope; mangled, filthy, misshapen and torn to pieces. At this point in my journey, I wanted different hands.

On our second date he took his hands and he used them to help paint my bedroom. Never once afraid of getting them dirty, he wiped away the excess paint without thought or consideration. He ate fajitas that night on my back porch with Celedon colored cuticles.

Then one day, he took his hands and he built my toddler son's "big boy" bed. He took large rails of oak from his own childhood bed and he fastened them to a frame. When he watched me look sentimentally at my son's dismantled crib, he waited until I was gone, and then took a piece of it and used it for a headboard. Back then, in the beginning, I didn't even know how to make him understand how much it meant to me.

Over 9 months, I'd get to know those hands pretty well. They held me so kindly while I sobbed in some of my worst moments of despair. One evening, when I was too weak and sad and scared to move from my bed, he took his hands and he brought me my shoes. He gently opened the tongues, undid the laces and he slipped them on my feet. Then he took both his hands and lifted me up, off that bed, and he made me live again. And again. And again.

Sometimes, as we lay together at night I would take his big, rough, more-knuckle-than-phalange fingers and I would run the pads of my thumb over his thumbnails. They were as flat as sanded pine. He'd laugh and say, "My thumbnails are permanently flattened from hitting them with a hammer so many times." Oh I loved that about him. And I loved those thumbnails. They were my favorite part of those tough, gnarled, gentle hands.

With those hands he's built homes, not just houses. With those hands he black-belted in more than one martial art but never talks about it. Those scratchy and knobby fingers held his newborn baby girl against his chest, and after watching YouTube videos, those stiff fingers braided her long, 10-year-old hair. Although he could so easily, he'd never use them to hurt her, or me, or anyone, really.

But he's gone now.

A few times, toward the end, when I was finally seeing the beauty of his hands, he'd come home from working hours and hours on someone else's house and he'd have cracks in the skin on his fingers that ached horribly. I'd inspect them, go to the medicine cabinet and retrieve anything I could find to make the pain go away. He smiled so sweetly when I covered his wounds with Sleeping Beauty band-aids. I'd ask him if it felt better and he said no, but it will tomorrow.

He left because he feels like his hands aren't good enough for mine. He left because his hands are as empty as turned over buckets and he's afraid of how that emptiness will hurt me. Nothing I say will convince him that his hands are enough.

And now, all I can think about are all the things his hands have done. And now I cry for different reasons. I cry when I remember that one morning when he took his right hand in my left, and his left around my waist, and slow danced in my kitchen to silence after I'd just spent several minutes raging over an angry email from my ex. Now, all I can think about is how those rough hands softened me time and time again.

As things were looking like they were coming to an end, we spent one last weekend together at the beach. While there, we built a fort, like children, and sat under it and out of the rain. We cooked by a fire. A fire he built. We took shelter behind logs of driftwood, logs he moved into just the right spaces. When I saw his hands I asked him to hold them out, I wanted a picture.



He asked me why I wanted a picture of his hands. I wasn't able to convey all the reasons why, but it was because I loved them, and appreciated them, and I knew I might never see them like that again. I needed that memory.

Those huge, hard-as-stone hands could build anything, fight for anyone who needed it, and yet... I know he would never use them to hurt me.

In the end, he was right, I'd never dated a man like him. But someday, I hope I might again.

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Bruce Jenner's Ex-Wives Show Their Support Following '20/20' Interview

Less than a week after Bruce Jenner's inspirational interview with Diane Sawyer, in which the reality star came out as transgender, it's clear that the former Olympian is getting support from the ladies of his past.

On Wednesday, Jenner's second wife Linda Thompson posted a photo of herself smiling alongside her ex-husband and his first wife, Chrystie Crownover Scott.

"It has been gently brought to my attention that I never personally shared the link to The Huffington Post abbreviated excerpt from my memoir in progress. So here it is," she captioned the image.

It has been gently brought to my attention that I never personally shared the link to the Huffington Post abbreviated excerpt from my memoir in progress. So here it is. http://huff.to/1HzS7ZF And thank you for your loving & kind response! #chrystiebruceandme

A photo posted by Linda Thompson (@ltlindathompson) on Apr 29, 2015 at 12:15pm PDT

Thompson wrote an in-depth blog post, published by HuffPost Gay Voices, shortly after Jenner's interview on Friday, revealing that he had told her he was transgender several years into their marriage, and that the issue was one they ultimately couldn't work through.

While their marriage didn't last, Thompson, who is mother to Jenner's sons Brandon and Brody Jenner, seems to be a source of support for the star as much as his first wife, who is the mother of his eldest children, Burt and Cassandra Jenner.

"I feel like that was actually a gift he gave to me to trust me with something so intimate," Crownover Scott told "Good Morning America" of the fact that she was the first person Jenner ever opened up to about his gender.

Crownover Scott also revealed in her interview with "GMA" on Monday that she watched Jenner's big "20/20" interview alongside the star and his family.

“I think it was cathartic to watch it together. I think it was cathartic to him,” she said. “It was a good experience for all of us to go through together, to watch it together. After he left we talked about it together, the kids, how it felt to them. How it felt to me. How it felt to Linda. It was pretty intense.”

Note: Considering that Jenner has identified as, “for all intents and purposes, a woman,” but has not yet indicated that he would like to be known by a new name or female pronouns, this story uses male pronouns.

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What My Pit Bull Rescue Taught Me About Unconditional Love

I’m in love with a bully. It’s true. I think it's safe to say that most people assume she is mean-spirited and dangerous, but they don't see the side of her that I do. I've often been asked why I let her into my life to begin with, seeing as how she makes it more difficult for me to find a place to live. She eats only expensive food and people even move to the other side of the street when they see us walking together. People assume too much about us.

Nahla, my beautiful pit bull rescue, has taught me more about love, happiness, and loyalty in the past year than my husband ever did. She is fiercely kind, comforting, and forgiving -- everything I could ever want in a spouse. She touches places in my heart that I was sure I had boarded up and abandoned long ago. We laugh together in the good times, and we cry together (well actually I cry, and she licks my face) during the bad times.

I think I grieved more in the three hours I thought I was going to lose her because of a snake bite than I did for my husband when he left. Actually, my husband was the one who told me, "we'll have to put her down because it is going to cost too much to save her." (Can you believe he actually said that?!) Thankfully, the vet saved her life, and I got sense enough to kick him to the curb a few short months later. It is kind of ironic to think I almost lost the one who loves me most because of the one who loved me least.

My point in all of this is simply to say that love isn't what I thought it was when I got married. It isn't something only seen on date night with twelve red roses. It isn't something that can be confined to a ring, a white dress and a cake. Language, race, political views, gender and even species don't matter to love. The truest, realest love I have ever known comes from someone who can't even utter the words, "I love you." She tells me with good-morning kisses and good-night snuggles. She saw me at my worst, broken and alone, literally lying on the floor of my bathroom and she still loved me. She loves me so much that she brought me her favorite toy and laid beside me on the cold floor. This gesture, among many others, gave me the strength to love and trust again. She uncovers daily the beautiful pieces of me that I had lost in my marriage and she sets them free.

Even as I'm writing this she has made her way over to rest her head on my knee to remind me that I'm never alone. She is the most beautiful gift and I vow to always cherish her -- down to the very last chewed up shoe.



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'Real Housewives Of New York' Star Bethenny Frankel Is Dating Again, But Not Online

Bethenny Frankel may be single, but you won't be seeing the "Real Housewives of New York" star on Tinder anytime soon.

"I'm not interested in ... online dating right now," she told HuffPost Live's Caitlyn Becker on Wednesday. "It's something that's not appealing to me. I meet a lot of people and maybe I would meet someone through someone else, or not, but who knows? You never know."

The Skinnygirl mogul said she's actively dating but "taking it slow."

"I talk about this in my book [I Suck at Relationships So You Don't Have To] that being a mom is a great way to set a pace -- and being a businesswoman," she explained. "I'm with my daughter, and that time that I have left over from when I'm not working and with my daughter, that's the time I could go on a date, and that's not that much time, so it makes it more precious and more paced. If you don't have a job or you don't have kids, you have all the time in the world to focus on some guy, and it's good to have your own life and independence [so you're] not always focusing on some guy."

Frankel is still finalizing her divorce from Jason Hoppy, with whom she split in December of 2012 after two and a half years of marriage. The contentious process has led the reality star to swear off marriage in the future.

"I will never get legally married again. I will never, ever be legally married again," she told Andy Cohen in a recent "Watch What Happens Live" interview. "Marriage is the 'Hotel California': You can check out anytime, but you can never leave."

Watch more from Bethenny Frankel's conversation with HuffPost Live here.

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live’s morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before!

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If Only We Had Dating Translators, Going Out Would Be A Far More Honest Experience

What does it all mean???

Dating is stressful enough worrying about your own problems, so when you drop a second person and their problems into the picture, it's just a mixing bowl of hormonal chaos. If only we all had personal dating translators, someone to cut through the defenses and smokescreens we all put up when we first meet someone.

Comedy duo Vana Dabney and Deirdre Devlin of Honest Monster have created a sketch where just such a thing exists.

Sigh, oh well, back to jumping blindly into relationships!

Follow Huffington Post's board LOL onPinterest.

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My Parents Didn't Support My Divorce, Here's What I Said

When I was unhappily married, I kept my feelings secret for many years, hoping that I would snap out of it.

On the inside, I was suffering with my torment, but to everyone else, I appeared happily married. And of course, my parents they had absolutely no clue that I was unhappy. So, the day I told them I wanted a divorce, I think they would have handled the news better if I told them I was gay.

When they tried talking me out of it on multiple phone calls, each time I felt like I was a lawyer presenting my case for judgment, hoping I would be granted amnesty.

But it was a complete waste of my time.

They were just as much a victim in my marriage as I was -- they drank the "narcissistic Kool-Aid," and fell for all of it. But while I had broken free from my husband's spell, they were still in a trance by his false charm and grandeur.

I made a critical decision -- I couldn't wait around for their approval -- it was my life, and I had to do what was right for me. Soon enough, I had hoped, they would understand the truth (which they did, although it took them three years).

However, every time I would tell them my divorce plans or even mention the D-word, their plea efforts pressed on: "Oh Lindsey, are you sure you want to do this? Can't you do counseling? What about the kids? You know, marriage isn't always a bed of roses; it takes work and commitment..." Blah, blah, blah.

Their "support" was becoming my greatest road block. Every week I built the courage and strength to move ahead, but even their slightest negative comment would set me back a few weeks. I had to build a boundary, perhaps my biggest boundary yet.

There's a funny thing about our parents -- no matter our age, we still feel like a child when we are around them. We can't always articulate our feelings, perhaps because we are afraid of what they will think.

But when it comes to taking a massive risk in life, you need not their approval, but their willingness to adhere to what you require of them. And if they are unwilling, you walk away, hopefully only temporarily.

You do not have to listen to advice from those who have never witnessed rage, insults or lack of empathy. You cannot make decisions based on their opinion of a person who is charming only in public.

Only seek guidance and validation from those who truly understand your situation. Anything less than that, you set a boundary. Here's how:

1. Write down your trigger issues -- what do people say that get you upset, uncomfortable, sad, fearful, etc.? Let's say it's the question, "Are you sure you want to do this?" Then ask yourself, how does this make you feel? If it makes you retreat into insecurity, then this is your boundary, and it's not up for questioning by anyone.

2. Then you write this down, practice it, and then verbally state your boundary:

"Mom, I can see why this is confusing you, but I can't have you ask that question anymore. It makes me feel scared and insecure, and all I need is support right now. Are you able to refrain from asking me that?"

And the last question is key -- get them to answer, so that they truly acknowledge your boundary. If they can't, then tell them the consequence:

"Okay, then I'm going to need space from you right now. When you are ready to be supportive, then I am here to accept it."

See how easy and refreshing that is? Now you no longer have to deal with their grief and confusion, on top of yours!

When a woman gives birth to a child -- you don't hear the nurse saying, "Wow, are you sure you want to rip your vagina to 13 centimeters? It's gonna be pretty rough down there!"

Or what about the climbers on Mt. Everest -- you don't see Sherpas saying, "It's pretty cold and horrible up there --- you might even die -- are you sure you wanna do this?"

I'm pretty sure that a birthing mother or a mountain climber would tell anyone to shut the hell up should it interfere with their mission.

You must do the same.

Except don't tell your parents to shut the hell up. Use the examples above, please... I don't want them to yell at me.

Lindsey Ellison is founder of Start Over. Find Happiness., a coaching practice that helps women navigate their divorce or breakups. She specializes in helping women with narcissistic abuse, and coaches them on how to break free from their narcissistic partners. For a free video series on breaking free, click here.

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Survive Your Way to Stellar

"You can only do the best you can do. Sometimes that is survival and sometimes that is stellar. And that's okay."

This has been a mantra of mine for years. Until my twenties, I had always marveled at how charmed I felt my life was. Things generally went well if I worked hard. When they weren't as great, I knew that it was temporary and soon I would feel back on top. I was lucky. I had a good family, good friends, a good education. And then, really for the first time, life got in the way.

When I was 24, my first husband and I decided to have a baby. We went through almost 4 years of infertility and 2 miscarriages before I finally had a successful pregnancy. My husband was deployed for about half of that time, so I was left to cope on my own. This was my first real survival mode. I got up every day, went to work and went out with friends. But emotionally, I was just trying to get through the day. I was grieving the miscarriages every moment of every day, and all I wanted to do was to get to the end of the day so that I could go to sleep and not think about it. I did what needed to be done and only what needed to be done. And that was okay.

Over the next few years, we had a baby, he got out of the Navy and went to law school, we had two more children and moved back to my hometown. When the boys were 2, 4 and 6, my marriage fell apart. He moved out on Halloween and confessed his infidelity on Christmas. I filed for divorce the first week of January and by early February, my youngest son began to have seizures on the hour every hour for two weeks. This was real survival mode. If my children were clean and fed, that was successful day. And that was okay.

The process of the divorce and getting my son healthy both took about a year. Once we got a good diagnosis (epilepsy) and the right medication, his seizures slowed to once each month for a year and then were well controlled for nine years. He is now seizure free and has been released from his neurologist.

There is nothing wrong with survival mode. When life gets tough, we need it to kick in so that we can get out of bed each day and do the things we need to do. We need to survive. We need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. But we also need to be aware when it is time to move out of survival mode so that we can get back to life.

My son was diagnosed with epilepsy for ten years. I also had two other boys who went through the normal ups and downs of childhood. And I was a single mother for eight of those years. But there is a point at which you realize that you are through the worst or at least managing it, and survival is not enough. For me, it took some time after the seizures were controlled to get out of survival mode. I still had to grieve the loss of my marriage and accept my own situation and new reality. I probably spend most of 4 years in survival mode. This is not to say I didn't have stellar days or experiences, but mostly I was getting through. When I began to realize I needed more, I started dating and started writing. I started putting myself out there to market my writing and eventually wrote my book. I got married. I blended a family with my new husband. And I am still going.

What I learned is that survival mode is a necessary part of life. I learned that the more you survive, the less you feel set back by life getting in the way. I learned that when you decide it is time to get on with it and live your life, make plans, set goals and then go after them, you start to achieve stellar. Stellar is defined by knowing it is time to step up and take charge and then doing it.

I tend to be a perfectionist. This quality is both productive and destructive. When you are in survival mode and you are beating yourself up for not excelling every day, you are destroying your own self-esteem, and it becomes self-defeating. You have to be able to accept that survival, when that is all you can do, when life gets in the way, is an accomplishment. But when you are headed into a stellar period, that same perfectionism acts as drive to do more, learn more and keep pushing forward. The key is to recognize when it is time for these shifts. You know when survival is all you can do...but you also know when it is time to do more than just survive. So do it!

Please visit sweetenthedeal.com to learn more about by new book "Sweeten the Deal: How to Spot and Avoid the Big Red Flags in Online Dating"

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Amy Schumer's 'Girl You Don't Need Makeup' Parodies Pop Songs -- And Starts A Movement

Amy Schumer strikes again -- making us laugh while also reminding us how ridiculous our beauty standards are.

On an April 28 episode of the show on Comedy Central, Schumer parodied the (rather obnoxious) trend of men assuring women of their beauty -- notably the idea that men commonly tell women they don't need to wear makeup.

In the sketch, styled as a music video for a song called "Girl, You Don't Need Makeup," Schumer is surrounded by a boy band singing in high-pitched tones about how she's so beautiful that she doesn't need to wear makeup. That is, until she takes her makeup off... at which point, they beg her to put it back on.

“Girl you don’t need makeup, you’re perfect when you wake up. Just walk around like that all day,” the boys sing while caressing Schumer's face. As commanded, Schumer takes off her makeup -- and the guys quickly backtrack: “Hold up girl we spoke too soon with this whole new makeup tune. We kinda changed our mind on the makeup… thing.”




To prove that women do look beautiful without makeup, Schumer tweeted out a picture of her and a friend wearing no makeup before the episode aired. She asked users to tweet images of them without makeup with the hashtag #GirlYouDontNeedMakeup:

In 30 mins #InsideAmy airs. Post your #girlyoudontneedmakeup photos (no makeup and tag me and #InsideAmy and I'll RT! pic.twitter.com/7d5zWWIWwm

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) April 29, 2015

The responses started pouring in:

#girlyoudontneedmakeup but you need adventures! @amyschumer #Gorillatrekking pic.twitter.com/xFyl6UOFCo

— Dr. Emily M Church (@emilymusilchrch) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup yaaaay pic.twitter.com/wYhkmzPHdC

— Whiskey River (@laddernaut) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup in PV! pic.twitter.com/hheQPENgaF

— Laurie Vega S. (@lorenamvs) April 29, 2015

my 92yr old grandmother & i in rural Vietnam <3 fuq Western beauty standards
#girlyoudontneedmakeup @amyschumer pic.twitter.com/WpiV30SjoZ

— Thanh Mai (@hithanhmai) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup #insideamy pic.twitter.com/8j2rZbeu0B

— alyssia (@alyssssia) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer you are the wind beneath my wings #girlyoudontneedmakeup pic.twitter.com/JAe0BMXKvT

— styrovor (@styrovor) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer Me and my 92 yrs young Grandma, out on the town. #girlyoudontneedmakeup pic.twitter.com/mB3jBdQovF

— Jen Britton (@jenniferbritton) April 29, 2015

❤️ my Sis. Breast Cancer survivor, wife & Mom. My hero #girlyoudontneedmakeup
@alyssav1979 @Shera_P_rox @amyschumer pic.twitter.com/B2HIXGn6ou

— Tessa Martinez (@TessaM74) April 29, 2015

@amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup pic.twitter.com/XY0wHlAXyf

— Dani (@DaniKrameroni) April 29, 2015

This mumma might be tired but she is in love and happy @amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup pic.twitter.com/lolinVOZkq

— Ali Parker (@Slayer_Gal_Al) April 29, 2015

Schumer later responded to everyone who participated, tweeting about how amazed she was by the overwhelming support she received:

I have been brought to tears with all the strong, badass, incredible women tonight. In jungles, jumping out of planes, holding their babies

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) April 29, 2015

and mothers hands. All the strong lovely men who tweeted too. We are all different and beautiful. Let's waste no time stressin bout looks.

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) April 29, 2015

We are sisters and fighters and laughers and happy strong women. Smile at yourself in the mirror girl. #girlyoudontneedmakeup much love!

— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) April 29, 2015

Indeed, a few men also showed their support by tweeting images of their fresh faces:

@amyschumer am I doin it right?? #freshfacedbeauties #girlyoudontneedmakeup #InsideAmy pic.twitter.com/669JdLQJdc

— dabe. (@BlkCookie) April 29, 2015

Here you go @amyschumer #girlyoudontneedmakeup #InsideAmy pic.twitter.com/BZH5xkAsjo

— matt (@mcfargle) April 29, 2015

#weloveourfaces #girlyoudontneedmakeup #InsideAmy @amyschumer #freshfacedbeauties pic.twitter.com/xKZ7YlDPjh

— Jake (@JakeZSachs) April 29, 2015

So no, ladies -- you don't have to look like this to attract a significant other.

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20150425 - Pa. Supreme Court drops proposal to ban tweeting in courtrooms

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A Thank You to the Ex-Mother-in-Law Who Didn't Like Me

My ex-mother-in-law and I had a terrible relationship. It was the cause of many fights between my ex-husband and I and created great stress. I'm not here to write about those old stressors or air any dirty laundry. It was difficult to go through and hurt me that my MIL did not like me, but I made my mistakes too, and that time is over.

When my ex and I separated, and he went back to his parents to stay for a while, I worried that my relationship with her would be worse than it was before. I fretted about how much his parents must hate me since we were splitting up. I figured there would be comments left and right about me, the terrible mother and person. "My daughter would end up not liking me," I thought, letting the worst thoughts run through my head. How could this go well?

Guess what... It did.

Sure, there were a few rough moments in the beginning and we don't always agree on stuff, but what happened after that was beyond what I could have hoped for. They say that who shows up during the roughest times in your life are the ones you can truly count on. I thought it would be other people in my life coming to my side to cheer me on, but those people haven't showed up yet. I never imagined in a million years that one of the people who would step up to the plate would be my ex-MIL.

When my ex and I divided our daughter's life practically in half, I wondered who would take her to school on "my days" and pick her up? I could do before care and after care, but that would add up, and since I'm a mom who has just returned to the workforce, it would be a tough expense.

My ex-in laws stepped up to help me. It was for the greater good -- for our child's good they said. Never once do I hear a complaint. Never once am I told this is an inconvenience.

When we decided to put our daughter in play therapy -- but I realized that my job is incredibly far from her therapist and her school -- my ex-in laws agreed to meet me and my daughter at her therapist after the sessions are over so they can bring her back south to school and I can head north to work.

Never once did they say, "Figure it out," or "So what? So you're already coming into work late at 10:35. Make it 11:30. Too bad, lady."

Never once did they say, "Why do we have to help so much?"

The other day my ex told me that in order to avoid ruining his credit completely, he would have to sign over the deed on the marital house -- where I'm living -- to the bank. I understood. First, I'm not on the mortgage and don't feel the pain of a foreclosure or missed mortgage payments. Secondly, while this isn't optimal for him, a foreclosure would be worse and I believe in the school of thought that says both parties in a divorce need to move on and thrive. I want both of us to be okay. I do not wish for my ex's demise. I want him to be happy -- that's my daughter's father!

But when I heard I had 73 days to leave the house, I cried. I just started a job eight months ago. I started a second job seven months ago. I am not financially on my feet and this puts me in a very bad position, but unfortunately, even if we aren't ready for life, life is always ready for us.

One evening I asked my in-laws to watch my daughter after school instead of aftercare so I could look for homes. Did they complain? No. When I came to pick up my daughter, my ex-MIL could see the stress on my face. Just one day before this, I had sent my ex-in laws a card and in it I said how much I appreciated them, their efforts as grandparents and that their support makes all of our lives, especially our daughter's, easier. I hadn't heard yet if they had received the card and so I was anxious. Not to mention I was overwhelmed. The house hunt was awful. I told myself it was day one but in my head all I could think was, "Just 70 more days."

"I got the card," she said to me, while my ex-FIL played with my daughter.

"I really appreciate everything you guys have done for us -- for her. Thank you."

As she asked me about the house hunt, I started to cry. That's when the woman who hated me reached in for a hug. And as she hugged me she said to me in my ear, "You will always be her mother. That will never change. I will never do anything to hurt that. And I'm sorry for everything. I know we are different, but that's behind us."

I told her I was sorry too and that I hoped the past could stay where it belongs -- in the past.

When I went home that night, something changed between me and my ex-husband. His mother and I had finally given him the gift he had wanted for so long -- a truce, but more than a truce. It is a mutual understanding that even though we are completely different and may not always walk to the same beat, we both have the same goal: a happy child and grandchild. Two happy co-parents. Yes, my ex lacked in helping his mother and I get along when we were together, but that doesn't matter anymore. The old injuries are not to be tallied.

Instead I count all the blessings my ex-in laws have given me.

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20150429 - April 2015 E-News

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The 10 Best U.S. Cities To Relocate To

Relocation is recommended for many reasons. You'll get to know yourself better, meet new people and explore exciting places. It also presents the perfect chance to declutter and simplify your life. Now, thanks to Lincoln Property Company, looking for a change of scenery just got a little easier.

Lincoln Property shared an infographic outlining the "Top 10 Cities For Relocation," which considers a city's nightlife, culture, food, weather and rent costs. If you're looking to move to a vibrant, young city, the company recommends Cincinnati, Ohio -- a place where sports and social life collide. For those more concerned about moving to a pet-friendly area, try Austin, Texas, where you'll also get live music every night.

Scroll down to learn more about the 10 best places to relocate to right now. Happy moving!

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Divorce and Fear: How to Cope

As mediation day approaches, my anxiety rises. This, of course helps no one, least of all me. So, I work on that; daily, hourly. I breathe a lot. Not just your average in-and-out breathing. A lot of deep cleansing breaths, time outs where I lay on my bed, close my eyes, and wait for my cat to sit on me. I let his breathing and weight calm me. I take 10 minutes to slow my heart rate, to be in the present.
I have been paralyzed by the fear; but I can't stay in paralysis. I have to function as an adult, be a mom, and keep my panic quiet to protect my kids.

I have been paralyzed by the fear; but I can't stay in paralysis. I have to function as an adult, be a mom, and keep my panic quiet to protect my kids. I have to trust that I will persevere and even flourish as I have with every previous life challenge, daunting or not.

Life can be hard. The tough times make us stronger even if, while in them we'd rather crawl under the covers, watch bad TV, and eat ice cream. You can do that for a day here or there (and I have), but that won't get you through and past the hard times.

What am I afraid of? Everything. How much child support will I get? I am the primary caregiver of my children. Will I get spousal support? I am unable to work consistently due to a chronic illness. Will I be forced to sell the house and move my kids five months into the biggest trauma of their lives? If we do move, will I be able to stay in this neighborhood, where they go to school, have their life?

Looking at these questions, a reasonable person, an objective person, would say what needs to happen is what's in the best interest of the kids. And a reasonable person would agree, they should not have to move, they need financial support, as do I. Let's make sure they get through this as unscathed as possible. This is about them.

Unfortunately, things are so contentious with my ex that I cannot simply say: It's in the boys' best interest to put off selling the house a year. I know you want to sell now; it would be a cleaner break for us. It would be better financially. But, let's do what the boys need. Next year isn't that far away. We aren't even speaking. Every communication is run by my attorney. That's fear. And I'm sick of it. I'm ready to soar again.

I am still reeling from the change; so are the kids. It's been so fast--moving them out of their home seems like a blatant not in the best interest of the child violation that would get struck down by any reasonable mediator or parent. But it's all unknown. And that is where the fear comes in, the unknown.

When I was a kid, everything felt unknown. My parents had a messy divorce and we moved often--both parents combined, 10 times just through high school, the unknown. I changed schools six times, the unknown.

I am terrified, and the only way I can deal with the fear is by step-by-step, day-by-day following these four simple guidelines. I don't always succeed, but I'm doing my best.

Take it one day at a time. There is no other way to get through a tremendous life change than one day at a time. Anything else is overwhelming. The practical me is thinking ahead; I'm thinking of what-if scenarios, but nothing has been decided and I am not powerless. I have a say in what happens, I also like control and to know what to expect. And, although I can't dictate an outcome, I can plan, I can be ready, and I can stay calm.

I have to do this for myself and my kids so their world, our world, feels as secure as possible. I can only control my actions. I don't know what's coming next. Will it be a nasty email about finances or custody? Will one of my sons succumb to the stress or get sick, scared, depressed, cry for hours and need to be held? These have been regular occurrences, at least once a week for one or the other child since their dad left. And when this happens, I drop everything and nurture, and reassure, even when I'm exhausted, empty, and scared. One day at a time. Eventually, it's bedtime, and a new day comes.

Have faith that things will be OK. I am not a religious person, but I have found that through hardship comes strength, and with faith and trust, I will have good things, I will get what I need. Given that which I have lived through, physical abuse, verbal abuse, an unstable childhood, an eating disorder, financial stress, medical issues, I'd say I'm doing well. I have worked through my issues and learned how to parent in a healthy way. I do work that I love, when I can. I manage my physical illness, and I have forgiven and moved on from the past. So far, despite hurdles, this latest one an unexpected divorce, I am a survivor. I don't feel strong right now, but I know I am. I have history to back that up. I have a support system to remind me. And I have children to love and care for. I have to be strong. And have faith.

Lose it sometimes and give in to the fear. There are times when just curling up into a ball and crying or raging or zoning out helps. It just does. You can't stay that way. I can't. I have responsibilities. But if I let myself go there and really feel the fear, then I can come out of it. I can set it aside. Trying to keep my shit together all day every day is not realistic, even without a divorce. So, I allow myself to lose it. I just make sure I don't scare my kids. I cry, nap, write, rant to friends in my divorce support group, and let it out. And then, I have to be done. I have people helping me, and I have myself. Being afraid is OK; it doesn't mean things are doomed. Feeling the fear when I need to allows me to move forward; I have no other choice.

Finally, treat yourself as you would an ailing friend or child. You are in a shitstorm, there is just no other way to put it. But, it won't last. In the meantime, what would you do if a friend, or your child, was so distraught that they cried at the drop of a hat, felt like they couldn't function, or feared for their future? You would baby them. You would nurture them with whatever kindness and care works for them. For me, enough sleep is my top priority, emotionally and physically. Then, limiting stress; reaching out only to those who support me and avoiding all others; making sure I have my favorite foods to enjoy without overindulging and otherwise eating healthy fuel so I feel good; getting fresh air and sunshine and resting in a quiet, dark room when I need to. I exercise when I can and take breaks when I'm not up for it; now is not the time to sign up for a marathon. I'm already doing one. And it's taking an emotional and physical toll.

When my kids are sick or overwhelmed emotionally, I let them take a mental health day. I buy their favorite ice cream. I let them watch a little extra TV. I cuddle more, I read stories. I nurture. So, nurture yourself. That's what I'm trying to do, because I'm hurting, I'm struggling, and my reserves are low. It won't always be this way, but one day at a time, with faith and self-care I will come out on the other end, better, stronger, and happier. And, so will you.

This post originally appeared on The Good Men project as Coping With Fear During Divorce.

For more from this author, visit her blog at In Other Words.

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10 Key Things I Learned While Dating After Divorce

When we said our wedding vows or made our commitments to our partners we never imagined that one day we'd be facing separation and divorce. We never imagined having to date again. That was my experience anyway. Yet, after the ending of a 20-year marriage, I picked up the pieces again, licked my wounds and decided that I did want to date again however weird and uncomfortable it might feel to do so in the beginning.

I've experienced the highs and the lows, the laugher and the tears and I'm glad I did because I met someone new and we're very happy together thank you very much! How different my life now feels.

So what did I learn and what words of wisdom can I share with you if you're feeling awkward, unsure, or frankly terrified? Here are a handful of things I came to realize whilst dating after my divorce.

• Decide what you want to get out of online dating. If you're looking for a partner, be honest with yourself and make that clear in your profile. If you're looking for friendship and a bit of fun, say that too. There is no point in falling for someone who's looking for different things than you. It's just not going to work and you'll end up hurt and disillusioned.



• Know your values, even before you've completed your first online dating profile. What's important to you? What do you look for in life and in a relationship. This isn't about a list of requirements expected of a potential date by the way! This is about you and what you hold dear.



• Enjoy yourself, have fun! Some people treat their dating as another career! Lighten up, enjoy the process. Don't take it or yourself too seriously and you'll meet some great people along the way.



• Take nothing personally. This is really important. You can read all the horror stories online ... remember good stories tend not to sell as well as bad ones! You'll be approached by people who've not really read your profile, you'll be contacted by people who are rude, you'll be liked and winked at all the time. Take nothing personally. You get to choose who you'd like to respond to or approach. Remember too that many you contact won't respond (if good manners are one of your core values this will be a challenge!) Simply move on!



• Have the right positive attitude before spending your time on dating websites. If you go into it with a heavy, bruised heart with negative inner dialogue you're going to struggle. At the same time don't go into it naively imagining that you'll meet your ideal match immediately. These things take time.



• Write a compelling and irresistible profile. So many profiles are bland and boring so it's actually easy to stand out from the crowd and it'll make all the difference to your experience. (I'm here to help too, it's what I love doing.)



• Be truthful at all times. If you're 50 don't say you're 40. If you smoke and get no exercise don't say that you're into healthy living. It might seem obvious but you'd be amazed! Honesty is one of my core values and the foundation for a good relationship.



• If you're nervous about meeting up, spend time emailing and letter writing. It's what my partner and I did and it was wonderful to see our relationship develop as we asked questions of each other ranging from the lighthearted to the more penetrating.



• Be open minded. You never know what you might learn about yourself and life by dating someone you'd not have looked at in your past relationships! There is a richness added to life when we step out of our comfort zones.



• Invest in some excellent photographs of you looking relaxed, happy and at ease. It will make all the difference ... NO selfies.

What positive things have you learned from online dating in midlife?

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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Competing for the Kids

Most of the divorced with kids crowd will have played the "competition game" before. Some play competitive all the time. Experts will tell you it's not good for the kids. I've been collecting stories from children of divorce for years, and the kids will tell you it's not good.

Even with all the data pointing to the fact that using your kids as pawns and competing for your kids is not good for them, people continue to do it. If you are one of those that are stuck with an ex that just can't stop competing, I've got a trick for you. Follow my advice and you can compete and WIN! Bonus effect, your kids win when you compete to win my way.

Here's how to compete to win with an ex that can't stop competing.

Compete for Time - You can't control what your kids do when they aren't with you, but you can control some things when they are with you. So compete to spend the most quality time you can with your kids when they are with you. Single parents don't often have much time, but you can carve out special time devoted to your kids each day that you have them. Choose a book you all can enjoy and take turns reading for 30 minutes each night. Cook dinner together, play a board game, take turns making up stories and sharing them -- there are tons of things you can do inside of 30 minutes to spend quality time with your children and develop a good relationship with them. Only one rule, you can't talk about your ex or anything that goes on over at the other house.

Compete to Be The Kindest - Again, you can only control you, so why not compete to be the nicest one? If you have a nasty ex, you are most likely guaranteed to win, but the real winners will be your children. You will be setting a fine example of how to treat others and how to rise above in situations beyond your control. You can demonstrate the fine art of taking the high road. Double bonus, the less time you spend playing competition with the ex, the more time you have for better things.

Compete to Be the Best Parent You Can Be - Parenting is hard work and it takes time. It's even harder after divorce. Did you know it's the little day to day things that build great relationships? Each day you have a chance to be the best parent you can be. You only have to compete with yourself and the kids always win! Slow down, the earth won't stop spinning. Practice patience, practice kindness, practice listening and practice forgiveness. Each time you pay attention to these things, you will find that your life flows smoother, you get along with your children better and you might even find that your ex lets up on harassing you when he/she figures out you won't fight back anymore. The days are long, but the years fly by -- you don't want to spend the short few (half time) years with your children complaining about your ex or competing with your ex.

You can start today. Be creative, you can do it!

Here are three scenarios: (1) Kids go with one parent on a private jet to a private island, nothing but water sports, chefs and nannies. Kids do tons of things, but parents are mostly busy by themselves. Kids come back and tell the other parent all about the fancy trip. Other parent gets sad. (2) Kids go with one parent on a road trip to the beach. All three kids pile in the car and they stay at average hotels. They play car games, sleep together in one room and tell bedtime stories and build sandcastles on the beach together. (3) Single parent takes the two kids and they have a picnic under the kitchen table and build a fort in the bedroom and camp out and eat cold smores.

Here's a little secret - my kids and your kids could really care less how fancy things are (despite what they might say to you) but they really care that you spend time with time, listen to them, really listen to them, and get to know them. So while scenario number one might sound like the winner, the kids in scenario two and three will remember these things for over 20 years. The kids in scenario one let this trip blend in with all the others, the ones where the kids are left with the nannies and in camps.

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That being said, if any exes are reading this PLEASE TAKE ME BACK I MISS YOU WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER.

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Garcelle Beauvais Recalls The Devastating Moment She Knew Her 9-Near Marriage Was Over

Garcelle Beauvais' big break in the television industry occurred nearly 20 years ago, when she starred opposite award-winning actor Jamie Foxx on the sitcom "The Jamie Foxx Show." From 1996 to 2001, Beauvais played Foxx's love interest, Fancy. Their onscreen chemistry may have flourished in part because the two friends just seemed to truly understand each other from the show's very beginning, as Beauvais tells "Oprah: Where Are They Now?" in the above video.

"I think the reason why I got the job was because I wasn't really competing to be funnier than he was," she says. "The show was about him, and I had to just support him."

Though her career was taking off, Beauvais' personal life -- in particular, her relationship -- was in a downward spiral. In the middle of her show's five-season run, the actress divorced her first husband, producer Daniel Saunders, with whom she has a son. For her child's sake, Beauvais says she vowed to be very selective in whom she would date from that point on.

"I really wanted to be careful and choose wisely on the man that I would bring home to my son," she says.

So, when Beauvais met talent agent Mike Nilon, she thought she had finally found the perfect mate. They two married in 2001, and welcomed twin boys six years later.

"I thought that I had won the lotto in husbands," Beauvais says.

However, after almost nine years of marriage, Beauvais' world was turned upside down. That's when she says she discovered that Nilon had been cheating on her. The moment Beauvais made this discovery, she adds, is when she stumbled upon a text message on her husband's phone.

"I forgot my phone at home. I said, 'Hey, can I use your phone to call your mom?' So, I went to go make the call and I saw, 'I love you' [on the phone]," Beauvais says. "I looked again, and I said, 'What's this?' That's pretty much how everything changed."

That night, an angry and hurt Beauvais sent an email to her husband's coworkers, accusing him of having a five-year affair. The email was leaked to The New York Post, where it was printed word for word. For Beauvais, the accusation being made public added another painful layer to the experience.

"When I actually looked and realized it had been leaked, I was sobbing, sobbing," she says. "It's embarrassing. At the same time, you're in pain. It was another part of the devastation, honestly."

In an effort to heal, Beauvais began going to therapy and seeing a life coach.

"I did all the things that they say you should do, because I didn't want my adult drama to affect my kids," she says tearfully. "I couldn't have moved on and been a good parent and co-parent with him if I didn't do those things. We're doing the best we can for those boys. They deserve it."

"Oprah: Where Are They Now?" airs Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET on OWN.



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A Year Post-Divorce: A Positive Perspective

Last Friday night found me at one of my favorite places: the ballpark. I wasn't watching the major leaguers, though; I was watching the cutest group of preschoolers chase a little white ball while they rolled around in the dirt and incessantly asked when it was their turn to bat. While I sat on the sidelines talking to my sister and brother-in-law trying to keep the two-year-old princess from storming the mound, I observed my son practicing fielding grounders with his dad on the field. It was a beautiful sight.

I began to reflect. If you had asked me a year ago when my divorce was being finalized if I would be able to fondly watch on as my son and ex-husband made memories on the baseball diamond, I would have looked at you bewildered as if you were speaking a foreign language. But a year can change a lot, and I can happily tell you that it can change a lot for the better. Don't get me wrong, divorce is not the path that I would have chosen, and it is difficult for everyone involved, but I've learned that, once it becomes your reality, you might as well find the good in it.

And here is all the good that I've found in this year:

A Civil Relationship With My Ex

Honestly, a year ago, I couldn't stand the sight of my ex. I dreaded the weekly pickup and drop-off of our small children, and those usually lasted less than two minutes without words being exchanged. Now, we are at the ballpark twice a week together. For some reason, going to the dentist has become a joint venture, too (maybe because we know how traumatic it can be). Not only can we be in the same room without wanting to harm each other, we can even talk and laugh about the latest antics of the kids. We will also send the occasional text message or picture to each other detailing a noteworthy event in the kids' lives. While I never expect (or desire) to be best friends with my ex, I think we're doing right by our kids and one another by getting along. He may not have been a good husband to me, as he will readily admit, but he can still be a good father to our children.

Success in My Career

I've known I wanted to teach since I was in high school. I loved to read and write and help others, so it just made sense. Over a decade has passed, and it still makes sense. There was a time in my life, though, that I thought stepping away from teaching (at least temporarily) was the right choice. Not long after our first anniversary, my son made his debut into the world changing our lives with his redheaded mohawk and mischievous grin. Twenty-two months later, we welcomed a redheaded, strong-willed princess into the brood. I wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom, so my ex and I decided we would start working toward that goal. I was an adjunct then, so I only accepted as many classes as I wanted. I started out teaching four a semester (pretty much a full-time load), but I steadily decreased my load until I was only teaching two classes a semester by the time we separated. Since being a stay-at-home mom was clearly out of the question at that point, I figured I would continue on my path as an adjunct and just pick up as many classes as possible, but that would have left me without health insurance or benefits of any kind. Fortunately for me, a full-time position opened up at my alma mater. Had it not been for the divorce, I would have never pursued this opportunity. I am happy to say that I love my full-time job that allows me to do what I love three days a week and be with those I love the other four.

A Rekindled Passion

Writing has always been an enjoyable activity for me. When I was a kid, I stapled pages of construction paper together, drew some stick figures, and scribbled some words underneath. Then I hit those awkward preteen years, and I tried my hand at poetry (let's all be thankful I gave that up). The college years arrived, and I started throwing myself into researched arguments and literary analyses, locking myself in a room with a pen and paper and pages of notes and not coming out until I had produced something I deemed worthy enough to hand in. After grad school, though, I married, and the babies started coming. And when I wasn't at home with them, I was trying to teach others how to write. There simply wasn't a free space on the agenda for my own hobbies. The divorce changed that in a couple ways. First, it created a need -- I needed a way to process everything that I was going through. Second, it bestowed on me the gift of time -- when the kids would go to their dad's and I had caught up on the laundry and the house was (too) quiet, I could finally sit down long enough to jot down a few thoughts. And you know what? I found that I actually have something worthwhile to say and that I feel better after I've said it.

I realize that no divorce is equal, but if you're in the midst of a divorce and can't see a silver lining, be encouraged. I've been there, and I'm happy to report that that phase does not last forever. You will come through it. And you won't just survive--you'll thrive!

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