Friday, May 29, 2015
If my Work Closes Because of An Emergency, Am I Still Owed Wages?
Not many people have the luxury of taking days off of work and giving up money. However, despite your willingness to work, you may not have a choice if your work shuts down. If your employer shuts down the...
Get A Free Donut At Dunkin' Donuts On Friday, June 5
National Donut Day is on Friday, June 5 and Dunkin' Donuts wants you to have FREE DONUTS to celebrate.
The offer applies to participating Dunkin' Donuts locations across the nation, the company said in a press release. Even better, lucky patrons will be able to pick out the free donut of their choosing -- about 70 options -- instead of being confined to limited options. Dunkin' cites Boston kreme, glazed, chocolate glazed cake and chocolate frosted as the most "beloved" varieties.
National Donut Day is coming. It sounds like "TGIF" just took on a whole new meaning.
The offer applies to participating Dunkin' Donuts locations across the nation, the company said in a press release. Even better, lucky patrons will be able to pick out the free donut of their choosing -- about 70 options -- instead of being confined to limited options. Dunkin' cites Boston kreme, glazed, chocolate glazed cake and chocolate frosted as the most "beloved" varieties.
National Donut Day is coming. It sounds like "TGIF" just took on a whole new meaning.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Financial Incompatibility Can Cost You
A recent MONEY survey revealed that 10 to 40% of all married and cohabiting couples are in the dark about each other's retirement plans. This is not a surprise. Disagreements over money are the leading cause of all break-ups. For many couples that I see, the path of least resistance becomes ignoring the subject of finances entirely. This, however, is a big mistake that can erode your financial security over the long term.
To foster a healthy discussion of finances in a non-confrontational manner, I recommend that couples consider creating a Love Contract. This document is a tool that can be used to remove the animus from financial discussions and develop a solid financial foundation for the future. Yes, the words "Love" and "Contract" appear to be an oxymoron when combined. The notion of entering into a contract with a romantic partner may seem like a big turn off. Before dismissing the concept, however, consider the fact that married couples already have a legal contract. The contract is in the form of state matrimonial laws that determine who is entitled to what in the event of a split. Over the course of the past 15 years, an increasing number of my clients have opted to make their own decisions in this regard by creating Pre-Nuptial, Post-Nuptial, and Cohabitation Agreements.
As a next step, I began encouraging couples to customize these documents to include provisions to address lifestyle issues, pet-peeves, shared goals as well as "deal-breakers". These lifestyle provisions form the basis of a Love Contract. Love Contracts can include infidelity penalties, vacation schedules, social media parameters, fitness goals. They are also particularly well suited to dealing with financial issues within a relationship. Applying the contract process to a couple's financial life requires each party to:
Putting our goals and agreements in writing heightens clarity, improves communication and insures against faulty recollections. Implementing the specific steps of the contract process reduces the possibility of the discussion degenerating into finger pointing and anger.
The Love Contract is both a relationship blueprint and mission statement for a couple. It is a dynamic process that encourages periodic introspection and goal review. Properly utilized, the Love Contract can produce powerful results in terms of strengthening a couple's financial foundation.
Ann-Margaret Carrozza is a New York Attorney and TV Legal Contributor who also served as a NYS Assemblywoman.
www.mylawyerann.com
To foster a healthy discussion of finances in a non-confrontational manner, I recommend that couples consider creating a Love Contract. This document is a tool that can be used to remove the animus from financial discussions and develop a solid financial foundation for the future. Yes, the words "Love" and "Contract" appear to be an oxymoron when combined. The notion of entering into a contract with a romantic partner may seem like a big turn off. Before dismissing the concept, however, consider the fact that married couples already have a legal contract. The contract is in the form of state matrimonial laws that determine who is entitled to what in the event of a split. Over the course of the past 15 years, an increasing number of my clients have opted to make their own decisions in this regard by creating Pre-Nuptial, Post-Nuptial, and Cohabitation Agreements.
As a next step, I began encouraging couples to customize these documents to include provisions to address lifestyle issues, pet-peeves, shared goals as well as "deal-breakers". These lifestyle provisions form the basis of a Love Contract. Love Contracts can include infidelity penalties, vacation schedules, social media parameters, fitness goals. They are also particularly well suited to dealing with financial issues within a relationship. Applying the contract process to a couple's financial life requires each party to:
- 1. First, become clear about one's goal. This may take the form of reducing debt, building up savings, investing in real estate etc.
- Each party is then asked to separately identify actions that they alone can take toward the goal. Can I, for example, buy fewer shoes, eat more meals at home, "loan" less money to adult children, or come up with a plan to rent out my dream vacation house during the weeks that we don't use it. By focusing on our own goals and money behavior first, we are taking the energy out of the tired "money scripts" all couples have: "You spend too much", "You don't make enough" "You can't say no to the kids"
- Only once we have taken a critical look at our own behavior, have we set the stage for Step three which is to sit with our partner and share our financial goals and action steps. Because we have refrained from finger pointing, we are much more likely to be met with enthusiasm and spontaneous offers of assistance. The actions and goals that both parties believe they can live with become incorporated into the contract.
Putting our goals and agreements in writing heightens clarity, improves communication and insures against faulty recollections. Implementing the specific steps of the contract process reduces the possibility of the discussion degenerating into finger pointing and anger.
The Love Contract is both a relationship blueprint and mission statement for a couple. It is a dynamic process that encourages periodic introspection and goal review. Properly utilized, the Love Contract can produce powerful results in terms of strengthening a couple's financial foundation.
Ann-Margaret Carrozza is a New York Attorney and TV Legal Contributor who also served as a NYS Assemblywoman.
www.mylawyerann.com
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
26 Stunning Photos Of Women's Tattoos -- And The Stories Behind Them
Tattoo artist Kat Von D once said, “I am a canvas of my experiences, my story is etched in lines and shading, and you can read it on my arms, my legs, my shoulders, and my stomach.”
Tattoos are stories -- marked in ink and blood -- quietly traveling around us all day on shoulder blades and wrists and across entire backs. These stories can be powerful, uplifting and even heart-wrenching. They can symbolize a life-changing event, they can be in memory of someone special, or they might exist simply because they're beautiful.
We spoke with 26 women who shared photographs of their tattoos and the varied reasons they got them. Some tattoos came out of heartbreak, others from moments of celebration.
Here are 26 gorgeous images of women's tattoos and the stories behind each of them:
These interviews have been edited and condensed.
Tattoos are stories -- marked in ink and blood -- quietly traveling around us all day on shoulder blades and wrists and across entire backs. These stories can be powerful, uplifting and even heart-wrenching. They can symbolize a life-changing event, they can be in memory of someone special, or they might exist simply because they're beautiful.
We spoke with 26 women who shared photographs of their tattoos and the varied reasons they got them. Some tattoos came out of heartbreak, others from moments of celebration.
Here are 26 gorgeous images of women's tattoos and the stories behind each of them:
These interviews have been edited and condensed.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
It Gets Better
"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness."
-Marianne Williamson
If someone had told me, even just a few years ago, that my ex husband and I would be able to sit down together in a restaurant and share a meal, ask each other questions, have a comfortable conversation, laugh about old times, take a selfie together to send to our daughter and then hug and say goodbye with love and compassion, I would have thought they were on some kind of hallucinogen.
It would have been completely impossible to imagine.
When we went to divorce court, he sat on a bench with his attorney and I sat on a bench with mine (and at least two of my closest friends, who accompanied me to the court each time I had to go... that is a good friend). He and I barely looked at each other. We had a horrible divorce, on a scale of 1 being easy and 10 being the worst, we were definitely an 8 ½. Divorce practically did me in. I had no idea going into it that it could be so painful. I had seen how hard it was for friends of mine over the years, and seen all the movies, but I honestly (and naively) thought we would be different. Neither of us had cheated on each other, or embezzled any money. We just grew apart and we both wanted the divorce and knew that it was time for us to go our separate ways. And still, somehow in my subconscious at least (he can speak for himself), I felt abandoned. Betrayed. Alone. It was not a fun time, those first two years. I also lost my mother and a few other important things like my job. It was a mess any direction you looked in my life. But losing the person who had, for over 23 years, been my ally, my close friend, my partner in everything -- raising our daughter, negotiating life, handling crises -- and then an abrupt separation and all of that gone, it was like someone had flipped a switch and I was suddenly completely in the dark. I cried probably more than I had in my entire life and that was incredibly painful (though finally it was good because it was healing).
Then a couple of years ago, one of our two beloved dogs, Lola, got ill and I wrote to tell him that she had cancer and wasn't going to make it. Though he lives 3,000 miles away and hadn't seen her in a few years, he was devastated. He called me and said, "You gave her the best life she could have had." I could hardly believe my ears -- but grateful for the kind words.
When Lola died, he was heartbroken, just as I was. Just as our daughter was.
It was the first crack in the iceberg, the beginning of a shift.
Before we could really connect though, I had a lot of work to do. Forgiveness. I did a lot of reading and meditating about forgiveness and though it felt impossible at first, I kept remembering the saying, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Who was I hurting with my anger? Only myself. I was poisoning my own life.
One day, almost exactly two years ago, I learned that my ex husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4. I was stunned. I can't even remember how I learned about it -- either from my daughter or from him, but I was heartbroken and I couldn't imagine my daughter losing her father or me losing someone who had played such a major role in my life, someone I still cared about. And yet, I knew it happens every day.
We spoke and as he went through his first round of chemo, which practically killed him, I tried to keep in touch and prayed for him to survive. I'm not that big on prayer, but in this case, it felt right. I can honestly admit that during the divorce, occasionally I prayed for some not very kind things to happen to him, but now I wanted him to live. We kept in touch and he ended up surviving what his doctor told him was the worst reaction to chemo he'd ever seen -- and the best results.
Two years later, a couple of lunches together, a brunch with our daughter, many texts and phone calls -- we are -- friendly. I do wish him a long life. He is doing well, thanks to a regimen of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, diet, exercise, on and off treatment, he is having a pretty good life and so am I. Our lives will forever be entwined because of our love for our daughter. We lost our second dog, Lucy, around the same time he was diagnosed and that was also devastating, but again, we connected with love and compassion for each other.
Isn't that what life is ultimately about? You marry someone and there is love and I know that sometimes it's impossible to get past the betrayal and the very deep hurt -- but sometimes it is possible.
And what a gift to our daughter, who doesn't have to choose between us, or be in the middle -- she can just say, "these are my parents and I love them both and they love me."
-Marianne Williamson
If someone had told me, even just a few years ago, that my ex husband and I would be able to sit down together in a restaurant and share a meal, ask each other questions, have a comfortable conversation, laugh about old times, take a selfie together to send to our daughter and then hug and say goodbye with love and compassion, I would have thought they were on some kind of hallucinogen.
It would have been completely impossible to imagine.
When we went to divorce court, he sat on a bench with his attorney and I sat on a bench with mine (and at least two of my closest friends, who accompanied me to the court each time I had to go... that is a good friend). He and I barely looked at each other. We had a horrible divorce, on a scale of 1 being easy and 10 being the worst, we were definitely an 8 ½. Divorce practically did me in. I had no idea going into it that it could be so painful. I had seen how hard it was for friends of mine over the years, and seen all the movies, but I honestly (and naively) thought we would be different. Neither of us had cheated on each other, or embezzled any money. We just grew apart and we both wanted the divorce and knew that it was time for us to go our separate ways. And still, somehow in my subconscious at least (he can speak for himself), I felt abandoned. Betrayed. Alone. It was not a fun time, those first two years. I also lost my mother and a few other important things like my job. It was a mess any direction you looked in my life. But losing the person who had, for over 23 years, been my ally, my close friend, my partner in everything -- raising our daughter, negotiating life, handling crises -- and then an abrupt separation and all of that gone, it was like someone had flipped a switch and I was suddenly completely in the dark. I cried probably more than I had in my entire life and that was incredibly painful (though finally it was good because it was healing).
Then a couple of years ago, one of our two beloved dogs, Lola, got ill and I wrote to tell him that she had cancer and wasn't going to make it. Though he lives 3,000 miles away and hadn't seen her in a few years, he was devastated. He called me and said, "You gave her the best life she could have had." I could hardly believe my ears -- but grateful for the kind words.
When Lola died, he was heartbroken, just as I was. Just as our daughter was.
It was the first crack in the iceberg, the beginning of a shift.
Before we could really connect though, I had a lot of work to do. Forgiveness. I did a lot of reading and meditating about forgiveness and though it felt impossible at first, I kept remembering the saying, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Who was I hurting with my anger? Only myself. I was poisoning my own life.
One day, almost exactly two years ago, I learned that my ex husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4. I was stunned. I can't even remember how I learned about it -- either from my daughter or from him, but I was heartbroken and I couldn't imagine my daughter losing her father or me losing someone who had played such a major role in my life, someone I still cared about. And yet, I knew it happens every day.
We spoke and as he went through his first round of chemo, which practically killed him, I tried to keep in touch and prayed for him to survive. I'm not that big on prayer, but in this case, it felt right. I can honestly admit that during the divorce, occasionally I prayed for some not very kind things to happen to him, but now I wanted him to live. We kept in touch and he ended up surviving what his doctor told him was the worst reaction to chemo he'd ever seen -- and the best results.
Two years later, a couple of lunches together, a brunch with our daughter, many texts and phone calls -- we are -- friendly. I do wish him a long life. He is doing well, thanks to a regimen of acupuncture, Chinese herbs, diet, exercise, on and off treatment, he is having a pretty good life and so am I. Our lives will forever be entwined because of our love for our daughter. We lost our second dog, Lucy, around the same time he was diagnosed and that was also devastating, but again, we connected with love and compassion for each other.
Isn't that what life is ultimately about? You marry someone and there is love and I know that sometimes it's impossible to get past the betrayal and the very deep hurt -- but sometimes it is possible.
And what a gift to our daughter, who doesn't have to choose between us, or be in the middle -- she can just say, "these are my parents and I love them both and they love me."
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
18 Women Share The First Time They Were Harassed
For many women the first time they were harassed is an experience that stays with them forever. A new hashtag is highlighting these stories.
On May 28 Twitter user Mikki Kendall created the hashtag #FirstHarassed and asked people to share their stories of the first time they can remember being harassed.
Harassment can range from catcalling to sexual harassment and rape. Women shared a range of experiences with harassment, from street harassment at a young age to sexual advances from people they knew as children.
The hashtag quickly gained momentum with more and more people sharing their stories. While some men and people of other genders weighed in on Twitter, the overwhelming number of narratives came from women.
Shockingly, many women who shared their stories experienced harassment long before they had even hit puberty. Sadly, new research shows that harassment at an early age is not limited to women sharing their stories on Twitter -- it's the norm for women and girls around the globe.
A study conducted by anti-street harassment organization Hollaback! in partnership with Cornell University, looked at the prevalence of harassment around the world. The research survey included over 16,000 participants from 21 countries and found that the majority of women around the world are first catcalled between the ages of 11 and 17.
Over 70 percent of respondents said they've been followed at some point and 50 percent said they've been groped in public.
These statistics are shocking until you read the #FirstHarassed stories, and they quickly become even more shocking as they're humanized. These are women who have experienced harassment at very young ages. And after reading through the #FirstHarassed thread, it's obvious these experiences are far too common.
Here are 18 troubling and frightening #FirstHarassed stories from women on Twitter:
There were many people who tweeted in support of the hashtag and the women telling their stories.
Head over to Twitter to read more of these important stories.
On May 28 Twitter user Mikki Kendall created the hashtag #FirstHarassed and asked people to share their stories of the first time they can remember being harassed.
I was 10 years old when I was #firstharassed & it was a much older man. How many of us were children preyed on by adults?
— Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) May 28, 2015We tend to frame street harassment as something teenagers & adults deal with, but a lot of us are under 12 when #firstharassed
— Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) May 28, 2015The man that #firstharassed me had gray hair. He was easily in his 50's. Old enough to be my grandfather. Ick.
— Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) May 28, 2015Harassment can range from catcalling to sexual harassment and rape. Women shared a range of experiences with harassment, from street harassment at a young age to sexual advances from people they knew as children.
The hashtag quickly gained momentum with more and more people sharing their stories. While some men and people of other genders weighed in on Twitter, the overwhelming number of narratives came from women.
Shockingly, many women who shared their stories experienced harassment long before they had even hit puberty. Sadly, new research shows that harassment at an early age is not limited to women sharing their stories on Twitter -- it's the norm for women and girls around the globe.
A study conducted by anti-street harassment organization Hollaback! in partnership with Cornell University, looked at the prevalence of harassment around the world. The research survey included over 16,000 participants from 21 countries and found that the majority of women around the world are first catcalled between the ages of 11 and 17.
Over 70 percent of respondents said they've been followed at some point and 50 percent said they've been groped in public.
These statistics are shocking until you read the #FirstHarassed stories, and they quickly become even more shocking as they're humanized. These are women who have experienced harassment at very young ages. And after reading through the #FirstHarassed thread, it's obvious these experiences are far too common.
Here are 18 troubling and frightening #FirstHarassed stories from women on Twitter:
I was 10, walking with my cousin in a sleepy beach town, and he was a middle-aged white guy who'd had a few too many. #firstharassed
— Nicole 수정 (@nicole_soojung) May 28, 2015@Karnythia slapped on butt by passing male bicyclist (30ish?) while walking home from the library, arms full of books. #firstharassed Age: 6
— Kimberly Kinchen (@SheRidesABike) May 28, 20159 years old, my teen cousin and I were in my grandmother's basement. He never touched his girlfriend so he used me. #firstharassed
— Queen.Enigma (@FoxyKnoxyyy) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed at age 11, in a movie theatre, with my mother present. Harasser was her age or older.
— L.B. (@Lucie_Witt) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed at age 9. Walking to the store for candy w/my cousin. Men honked and offered us rides b/c we were "too pretty to walk"
— Lauren M. (@AngryWriterGirl) May 28, 2015I was harassed so much I can't tell you when I was #firstharassed. That's how "normal" it was. I just know it started around age 9/10ish.
— Cirque du SoBae (@brownandbella) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed on a cruise ship by a middle-aged kitchen worker. He asked another child to lure me into his cabin. I was 10 yrs old.
— Kandake (@GoddessKandake) May 28, 2015Men used my height as an excuse and I guess I stood out to them. They would tell me how old I "looked" to them. Terrifying. #firstharassed
— tekline, gem queen (@alketrolyat) May 28, 201516 years old, an evening out with friends, a guy on the streets decides to "lift me up" by putting his hand between my legs #firstharassed
— Bianca (@oculisquaerunt) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed at 12 at a park. Guy told me I had a baby face but an adult body, grabbed my hand and tried to get me to leave with him
— trillary clinton (@iamtraceyc) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed at 11 by man talking about my ass (a cuss word!) and my hair. He followed me home from the convenience store.
— Frejya Fierce (@melissapierce) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed when a class mate would stalk me on my paper route; the principal said it was my fault I was delivering papers near him
— princess vi (@lavishwitch) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed at 11 by a group of firemen, who told my mother and I they couldn't decide which one of us they wanted more.
— Samantha (@samanthadjb) May 28, 2015In their home, his wife hired me. I was 11 and babysitting their kids #firstharassed. He had to be 30.
— Ash Ward⚢♊♚ (@BlkLightDisco) May 28, 2015#firstharassed my bus driver told me I was pretty and how he wanted to marry a "woman" like me. I was 11.
— Brittany Meché (@BrittanyMeche) May 28, 2015Being 10 & terrified to walk home from school because of the men who sat across the road who told me they'd "try me" #firstharassed
— glass minaj-erie (@melaninoverlord) May 29, 2015Does being ordered by adult male strangers to "Smile - you're so pretty when you smile" count? Weekly since early childhood. #FirstHarassed
— Only Human (@leahmcelrath) May 28, 2015I was #firstharassed when I was 5. I was left alone in a house with 4 teenage boys whose mother, my babysitter, went out to do something.
— née yasmine (@farahnadal_) May 28, 2015There were many people who tweeted in support of the hashtag and the women telling their stories.
#firstharassed is necessary for highlighting that for most women sexual harassment begins while we are children. We're socialised into fear
— Sunny Singh (@sunnysingh_nw3) May 28, 2015The fact that some men are discounting the stories on #firstharassed tells you everything you need to know.
— Jess Zimmerman (@j_zimms) May 28, 2015so many men ask about why women don't trust us? read #firstharassed - for women this has existed for as long as they can remember
— #JeSuisThibs (@OTSWST) May 28, 2015If y'all haven't seen the #FirstHarassed tweets...
Do so, especially as men. Look at our culture of fear, violence, & unwanted advances.
— Bacchus (@theonlybacchus) May 28, 2015Head over to Twitter to read more of these important stories.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Can I Get Into College With a Conviction on My Record?
It might be the scariest part about getting in trouble in high school: it could end up on your permanent record, and keep you from going to college. No one wants to jeopardize their future with some juvenile shenanigans....
Price Discrimination in Asymmetric Industries: Implications for Competition and Welfare
Hinnerk Gnutzmann (Universita Cattolica del Sacro Cuore) discusses Price Discrimination in Asymmetric Industries: Implications for Competition and Welfare. ABSTRACT: Price discrimination by consumer's purchase history is widely used in regulated industries, such as communication or utilities, both by incumbents and...
8 Things Kids Learn From Growing Up In A Blended Family
Each week on HuffPost Divorce, people in stepfamilies share their best advice on blending a family as part of our Blended Family Friday series. It's usually parents who impart their words of wisdom, but every once in a while, we hear from a stepkid on their unique experience.
Below, eight lessons stepkids learned from growing up "Brady Bunch"-style.
1. Your parents are people with wants and needs of their own.
"[Parents] are human and just want to be happy, too. That was always the hardest thing to remember. Divorce is not your fault. My sister, my brother and I didn't contribute to my parent's divorce: it was them being human, no longer feeling loved or appreciated and leaving to look for happiness and love from someone else. " -Rebecca Ryan
2. Family is what you make of it.
3. Divorce and second marriages may end up being more of a blessing than you realize.
"I never thought I would be so happy to have divorced parents...Yes, my parents were no longer together and that may be sad, but I realized my family had only expanded. Now I have two sets of amazing parents who are always supportive and loving. I also have some of the most beautiful, hilarious and downright amazing siblings I could have ever asked for. And the only reason these people are in my life now? Because my parents decided to divorce." -Mary Carpenter
4. Your parents' divorce and remarriages may be difficult to adjust to -- and that's totally OK.
"The first thing I'd suggest would be to remember that this is hard. Your parent is marrying someone new and your family just got bigger with some weird, new people! But I would also say that your parent chose this person to spend the rest of their life with and that's worth at least trying to make it work, as long as no one's being cruel to you or anyone else. " -Molly Walter
5. Your parents make mistakes. Learn from them.
6. It's worth giving your stepparent a chance.
"[Growing up], one of my chores was to go out with my stepdad and gather wood for the wood stove. We had to do this generally once a week and it was almost always just my stepdad and me. We would take an old truck and drive to a pile of wood which we gathered over the summer on the opposite end of the house. We would then fill up the truck and take it to the front of the house, under the porch where we would store it for immediate use. When he and I were out there, we would talk about everything from school and sports, to girls and manhood. He also let me drive the truck, which was one of my first experiences behind the wheel. At the time I hated going out in the cold and gathering wood, but looking back on it now, I would not have traded it for anything. I would not be where I am now without my stepdad." -Justin Satzman
7. Somewhere down the line, you just might be amazed at how well both sides of your family get along.
"What makes me the proudest of my family is how well we’ve all adapted. It’s not weird at all for my mom to have my dad over for dinner and vice versa, or for us all to be at a function for my nephew together. This past winter, we had some crazy snow and ice storms and my dad’s house lost power for a few days. I was talking to my mom and just casually mentioned how he didn’t have power, and unbeknownst to me, my mom text my dad telling him that he and Rich [his partner] were welcome to stay with her or at least come over for some wine. A few hours later, my mom and dad drunk dialed me asking me to be the maid of honor in their upcoming wedding." -Kara Sarvey
8. At the end of the day, remember that you're still just a kid.
If you'd like your own family to be featured on Blended Family Friday, please email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com. We're looking forward to hearing your story!
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.
Below, eight lessons stepkids learned from growing up "Brady Bunch"-style.
1. Your parents are people with wants and needs of their own.
"[Parents] are human and just want to be happy, too. That was always the hardest thing to remember. Divorce is not your fault. My sister, my brother and I didn't contribute to my parent's divorce: it was them being human, no longer feeling loved or appreciated and leaving to look for happiness and love from someone else. " -Rebecca Ryan
2. Family is what you make of it.
3. Divorce and second marriages may end up being more of a blessing than you realize.
"I never thought I would be so happy to have divorced parents...Yes, my parents were no longer together and that may be sad, but I realized my family had only expanded. Now I have two sets of amazing parents who are always supportive and loving. I also have some of the most beautiful, hilarious and downright amazing siblings I could have ever asked for. And the only reason these people are in my life now? Because my parents decided to divorce." -Mary Carpenter
4. Your parents' divorce and remarriages may be difficult to adjust to -- and that's totally OK.
"The first thing I'd suggest would be to remember that this is hard. Your parent is marrying someone new and your family just got bigger with some weird, new people! But I would also say that your parent chose this person to spend the rest of their life with and that's worth at least trying to make it work, as long as no one's being cruel to you or anyone else. " -Molly Walter
5. Your parents make mistakes. Learn from them.
6. It's worth giving your stepparent a chance.
"[Growing up], one of my chores was to go out with my stepdad and gather wood for the wood stove. We had to do this generally once a week and it was almost always just my stepdad and me. We would take an old truck and drive to a pile of wood which we gathered over the summer on the opposite end of the house. We would then fill up the truck and take it to the front of the house, under the porch where we would store it for immediate use. When he and I were out there, we would talk about everything from school and sports, to girls and manhood. He also let me drive the truck, which was one of my first experiences behind the wheel. At the time I hated going out in the cold and gathering wood, but looking back on it now, I would not have traded it for anything. I would not be where I am now without my stepdad." -Justin Satzman
7. Somewhere down the line, you just might be amazed at how well both sides of your family get along.
"What makes me the proudest of my family is how well we’ve all adapted. It’s not weird at all for my mom to have my dad over for dinner and vice versa, or for us all to be at a function for my nephew together. This past winter, we had some crazy snow and ice storms and my dad’s house lost power for a few days. I was talking to my mom and just casually mentioned how he didn’t have power, and unbeknownst to me, my mom text my dad telling him that he and Rich [his partner] were welcome to stay with her or at least come over for some wine. A few hours later, my mom and dad drunk dialed me asking me to be the maid of honor in their upcoming wedding." -Kara Sarvey
8. At the end of the day, remember that you're still just a kid.
If you'd like your own family to be featured on Blended Family Friday, please email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com. We're looking forward to hearing your story!
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
In Defense Of Being Alone
Recently, someone questioned my affinity for red wine. My answer, like most of my answers, was probably not at all what they expected.
"We bonded," I said, laughing and taking a sip from the glass that had inspired such a question.
"Well, I used to hate it. I was going through a difficult time when I started to drink the dry, red wine. It was just so strong and raw. It was powerful and bold. That's what I wanted to be. For the first time in my life, I just wanted to be those things, on my own. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be fearless and bold. I wanted to be a strong, powerful red wine."
Isn't it strange to realize you actually want to be alone? It was for me. It was weird. It was weird to genuinely not desire the things I used to need so desperately, and always had. It was weird to change into a woman I both admire and fear, because she can appear unrecognizable at times. But that's OK, because I think we all need to lose ourselves, to find ourselves. I think we all need to be left alone, to learn how to stand alone. I think we all need to choose to stand alone, to know we need no one else to be the strongest, most incredible versions of ourselves.
Why do we feel so pressured to need a counterpart? What's so wrong with taking some time? We don't give ourselves enough damn time. We need time to breathe. We need time to think and to learn. We need time to shake a couple hands, get lost in a few pairs of lovely eyes and share stories with strangers that make us laugh. We don't need to jump into the arms and beds of different people until one of them decides to stay for a little while longer than the rest. We don't need titles and commitment that's rushed, or done so for any reason influenced by others. Why love someone if you don't love yourself? Why settle in life to satisfy some ridiculous human-made complex of being inadequate as a single-status person? We don't need that. We need adventure. We need friendship. We need natural confidence and bravery. We need to make the choices that are best for us and for our own happiness. We need funny stories, big pizzas, long drives, bright stars, brilliant ideas and moments that make us feel infinite and proud. That's what I need, at least.
I just want to be alone for a while. I don't want to owe anyone anything. I don't want to have to explain why I'm guarded. I don't want to hurt anyone, because I'm not ready, and a person's heart is not something I would ever place into hands I don't trust. I don't want to have to make excuses. I don't want to worry about anyone. I don't want to be pressured. I don't want to make my decisions with or for anyone else. I don't want to be told what to do, where to go or who to be. I don't want to make promises I'm not ready to keep. I don't want to be concerned with what he wants or needs from me. I don't want to feel guilty for choosing myself for once.
It's OK to want those things. For god's sake, it's OK to be a little selfish sometimes. It's OK to want to fall in love with your career and passions. It's OK to want to stay out way too late with your friends and get a little lost sometimes. It's OK to laugh so hard that you cry and make a few mistakes. It's OK to pack up your bags and go on trips at a moment's notice. It's OK to take chances. It's OK to do and say things you may have been fearful to before. It's OK to want to spend a little time loving yourself.
There's nothing wrong with wanting that. There's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't make you heartless or cold. It doesn't make you undesirable or unwanted. It won't make you incapable of happiness or future relationships. You'll have those loves one day, and when you do, you'll be happy within yourself. You'll have that light in your heart, and fall in love with the way you see it shine in someone else. You'll want them, not need them. You'll know the difference. You deserve to.
"So, did it happen then? Did you become like the red wine?"
I smiled.
"We're getting there."
For more, check out my website at Serendipity and Creativity
Like Us On Facebook |
Follow Us On Twitter |
Contact HuffPost Women
"We bonded," I said, laughing and taking a sip from the glass that had inspired such a question.
"Well, I used to hate it. I was going through a difficult time when I started to drink the dry, red wine. It was just so strong and raw. It was powerful and bold. That's what I wanted to be. For the first time in my life, I just wanted to be those things, on my own. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to be fearless and bold. I wanted to be a strong, powerful red wine."
Isn't it strange to realize you actually want to be alone? It was for me. It was weird. It was weird to genuinely not desire the things I used to need so desperately, and always had. It was weird to change into a woman I both admire and fear, because she can appear unrecognizable at times. But that's OK, because I think we all need to lose ourselves, to find ourselves. I think we all need to be left alone, to learn how to stand alone. I think we all need to choose to stand alone, to know we need no one else to be the strongest, most incredible versions of ourselves.
Why do we feel so pressured to need a counterpart? What's so wrong with taking some time? We don't give ourselves enough damn time. We need time to breathe. We need time to think and to learn. We need time to shake a couple hands, get lost in a few pairs of lovely eyes and share stories with strangers that make us laugh. We don't need to jump into the arms and beds of different people until one of them decides to stay for a little while longer than the rest. We don't need titles and commitment that's rushed, or done so for any reason influenced by others. Why love someone if you don't love yourself? Why settle in life to satisfy some ridiculous human-made complex of being inadequate as a single-status person? We don't need that. We need adventure. We need friendship. We need natural confidence and bravery. We need to make the choices that are best for us and for our own happiness. We need funny stories, big pizzas, long drives, bright stars, brilliant ideas and moments that make us feel infinite and proud. That's what I need, at least.
I just want to be alone for a while. I don't want to owe anyone anything. I don't want to have to explain why I'm guarded. I don't want to hurt anyone, because I'm not ready, and a person's heart is not something I would ever place into hands I don't trust. I don't want to have to make excuses. I don't want to worry about anyone. I don't want to be pressured. I don't want to make my decisions with or for anyone else. I don't want to be told what to do, where to go or who to be. I don't want to make promises I'm not ready to keep. I don't want to be concerned with what he wants or needs from me. I don't want to feel guilty for choosing myself for once.
It's OK to want those things. For god's sake, it's OK to be a little selfish sometimes. It's OK to want to fall in love with your career and passions. It's OK to want to stay out way too late with your friends and get a little lost sometimes. It's OK to laugh so hard that you cry and make a few mistakes. It's OK to pack up your bags and go on trips at a moment's notice. It's OK to take chances. It's OK to do and say things you may have been fearful to before. It's OK to want to spend a little time loving yourself.
There's nothing wrong with wanting that. There's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't make you heartless or cold. It doesn't make you undesirable or unwanted. It won't make you incapable of happiness or future relationships. You'll have those loves one day, and when you do, you'll be happy within yourself. You'll have that light in your heart, and fall in love with the way you see it shine in someone else. You'll want them, not need them. You'll know the difference. You deserve to.
"So, did it happen then? Did you become like the red wine?"
I smiled.
"We're getting there."
For more, check out my website at Serendipity and Creativity
Like Us On Facebook | Follow Us On Twitter | Contact HuffPost Women-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Former US House Speaker Dennis Hastert indicted, resigns from Dickstein Shapiro
In a stunning development for the Illinois political establishment, a former speaker for the U.S. House of Representatives who had most recently been working at…
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Calif. Doctors Now Neutral on Physician-Assisted Suicide
A California bill that would legalize physician-assisted suicide for terminally ill patients got a large show of support last week -- or at least a large removal of opposition. The California Medical Association (CMA) dropped its long-standing opposition to...
How To Botch A Wedding Toast In 5 Words
Wedding season is upon us once again, folks. And yes, that means having to sit through some potentially awkward toasts at the reception.
In that spirit, @Midnight host Chris Hardwick and his team got the hashtag #5WordWeddingToast trending on Twitter earlier this week. We rounded up some of the best (worst?) responses below:
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Sign up for our newsletter here.
In that spirit, @Midnight host Chris Hardwick and his team got the hashtag #5WordWeddingToast trending on Twitter earlier this week. We rounded up some of the best (worst?) responses below:
Please Grandma, No More Twerking #5WordWeddingToast @midnight
— lancegould (@lancegould) May 27, 2015To the first of many. #5WordWeddingToast
— Jenni pulos (@Jennipulos) May 27, 2015#5WordWeddingToast "The Lannisters send their regards" pic.twitter.com/rFJWuvAOjN
— Batman (@Markkisonfire) May 27, 2015It looked better on Pinterest.
#5WordWeddingToast
— Tyrone Ping (@itsrobotface) May 27, 2015#5WordWeddingToast You've made a big mistake
— Malav Karkar (@MalavKarkar) May 27, 2015This bet went real far! #5WordWeddingToast @midnight
— Susan Burke (@ThatSusanBurke) May 27, 2015Thank you. AND NOW NICKELBACK!!!! #5WordWeddingToast @midnight
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) May 27, 2015Here's to rapidly dwindling sex! #5WordWeddingToast @midnight
— Eric West (@IAmEcw) May 27, 2015It was actually a dare
#5WordWeddingToast
— jaycie (@ifwucameron) May 28, 2015What's the wifi password again? #5WordWeddingToast @midnight
— *Horse Noises* (@BKaslewicz) May 27, 2015#5WordWeddingToast thanks for the back table
— emily :) (@Emily__Hirsch) May 28, 2015You were my last option #5WordWeddingToast
— zayra (@Permanentgrier) May 28, 2015Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Weddings on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Sign up for our newsletter here.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
My Experience as a Mistress
I never imagined myself as a mistress. About a year ago, I found myself divorced, with a wage decrease and a rent increase all in the same month. I no longer had enough money to pay my rent and keep food on the table. Thankfully, I was just one mouth to feed, but I did have to come up with another way to get cash, and fast.
A friend told me about SeekingArrangment.com. She met a man from the site that would come into her town frequently on business; they would meet at his hotel for drinks, conversation, and have sex. He would pay her generously for her time and out the door she went: no strings, no ties. She said she enjoyed herself and because of this, she didn't feel like an escort.
I wondered if I could do such a thing. One day, my curiosity (and outstanding PG&E bill) got the better of me and I posted my profile to the site. Within a few days, I had several coffee dates set up to make casual introductions and see if there might be a match.
All of the men I met were married and wanted to stay married. They said they loved their wives. Most said they were happy, but the sex at home had diminished--and that they were men, after all, and needed their desires fulfilled. Aside from that eye-rollingly common excuse for infidelity, I believed they were telling the truth about loving their wives. This troubled me, of course, but it also made it easier. No one was interested in having an emotional affair and leaving their marriage. It was about sex for them and money for me.
I made an arrangement with Eddie*. He was in his mid-50s, decent looking, and somewhat of a successful businessman. He was married with a few children and one on the way. He was an experienced sugar daddy: He had a separate phone for our communications and he paid me in cash. We would meet every other week, around lunchtime, in a hotel that was close to his work. We would smoke some weed, which helped calm my nerves, and have sex. It was easy, quick, and enjoyable. The money wasn't bad either--he paid my rent.
This went on for several months. Then, I began dating Paul*. I couldn't afford to not have Eddie in my life, and told myself that if things got serious with Paul, I would cut it off.
Shortly thereafter, I contracted an STD--I'm not sure which of them gave it to me. I told both Eddie and Paul about it immediately. Unfortunately, this did not stop Eddie from giving the STD to his wife. This discovery was devastating on levels I cannot fathom or imagine. Eddie's wife concluded he was cheating and it all came crashing down only weeks after bearing their newborn child. We stopped seeing each other immediately.
I wanted to share my story because these arrangements are happening more often than you think. Although they seem symbiotic, these arrangements can have real and dire consequences for not only the parties involved, but for the families that were not a part of the arrangement to begin with.
*Names have been changed.
This story first appeared at ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture women's website.
More from Ravishly:
Confession: I'm A Straight Woman Who Gets Off On Lesbian Porn
My Boyfriend Of Five Years Isn't My Type--And That's Okay
I Owe My Life To My Mother's Abortion
A friend told me about SeekingArrangment.com. She met a man from the site that would come into her town frequently on business; they would meet at his hotel for drinks, conversation, and have sex. He would pay her generously for her time and out the door she went: no strings, no ties. She said she enjoyed herself and because of this, she didn't feel like an escort.
I wondered if I could do such a thing. One day, my curiosity (and outstanding PG&E bill) got the better of me and I posted my profile to the site. Within a few days, I had several coffee dates set up to make casual introductions and see if there might be a match.
All of the men I met were married and wanted to stay married. They said they loved their wives. Most said they were happy, but the sex at home had diminished--and that they were men, after all, and needed their desires fulfilled. Aside from that eye-rollingly common excuse for infidelity, I believed they were telling the truth about loving their wives. This troubled me, of course, but it also made it easier. No one was interested in having an emotional affair and leaving their marriage. It was about sex for them and money for me.
I made an arrangement with Eddie*. He was in his mid-50s, decent looking, and somewhat of a successful businessman. He was married with a few children and one on the way. He was an experienced sugar daddy: He had a separate phone for our communications and he paid me in cash. We would meet every other week, around lunchtime, in a hotel that was close to his work. We would smoke some weed, which helped calm my nerves, and have sex. It was easy, quick, and enjoyable. The money wasn't bad either--he paid my rent.
This went on for several months. Then, I began dating Paul*. I couldn't afford to not have Eddie in my life, and told myself that if things got serious with Paul, I would cut it off.
Shortly thereafter, I contracted an STD--I'm not sure which of them gave it to me. I told both Eddie and Paul about it immediately. Unfortunately, this did not stop Eddie from giving the STD to his wife. This discovery was devastating on levels I cannot fathom or imagine. Eddie's wife concluded he was cheating and it all came crashing down only weeks after bearing their newborn child. We stopped seeing each other immediately.
I wanted to share my story because these arrangements are happening more often than you think. Although they seem symbiotic, these arrangements can have real and dire consequences for not only the parties involved, but for the families that were not a part of the arrangement to begin with.
*Names have been changed.
This story first appeared at ravishly.com, an alternative news+culture women's website.
More from Ravishly:
Confession: I'm A Straight Woman Who Gets Off On Lesbian Porn
My Boyfriend Of Five Years Isn't My Type--And That's Okay
I Owe My Life To My Mother's Abortion
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Bobby Flay Cheated With January Jones, Claims Estranged Wife In Court Docs
Bobby Flay and Stephanie March's divorce is not what you'd call amicable.
The couple split in early April after 10 years of marriage and March is challenging the prenup under which Flay is required to pay the actress $5,000 a month.
In Touch reports that March is challenging the prenup on the grounds that Flay allegedly cheated on her with three women, including actress January Jones.
A source familiar with the case told the magazine that the former "Law & Order: SVU" actress is claiming in court papers that the 50-year-old celebrity chef "committed adultery" with Jones several times in the in early 2010. The magazine also reports that March has accused Flay of cheating with a food stylist and his assistant.
Page Six previously reported that it's believed the couple's prenup had no infidelity clause, and if true, March's claims likely would not help her cause. However, TMZ reported that the actress also filed documents claiming that it's her "amazing palate" that is responsible for his success.
Reps for Flay and Jones have yet to respond to requests for comment.
The couple split in early April after 10 years of marriage and March is challenging the prenup under which Flay is required to pay the actress $5,000 a month.
In Touch reports that March is challenging the prenup on the grounds that Flay allegedly cheated on her with three women, including actress January Jones.
A source familiar with the case told the magazine that the former "Law & Order: SVU" actress is claiming in court papers that the 50-year-old celebrity chef "committed adultery" with Jones several times in the in early 2010. The magazine also reports that March has accused Flay of cheating with a food stylist and his assistant.
Page Six previously reported that it's believed the couple's prenup had no infidelity clause, and if true, March's claims likely would not help her cause. However, TMZ reported that the actress also filed documents claiming that it's her "amazing palate" that is responsible for his success.
Reps for Flay and Jones have yet to respond to requests for comment.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
2nd Circuit nixes Apple campaign to boot BigLaw partner as court-appointed monitor in e-book case
A federal appeals court has nixed a campaign by Apple Inc. to replace a monitor appointed by a federal judge to oversee the company’s compliance…
How to Win More Time with Your Kids This Summer
Children all over the U.S. are finishing school and making plans for the summer. For families going through a divorce, this normally relaxing time of year can be the most stressful. Maybe you're the parent facing a summer alone or with few memorable moments in the making. There is a way to make things better and add more time with your children.
Consider this scenario. Your ex-wife has your young daughters overnight at her house much more than you do. She has a new fiance who lives in another state who is so wealthy that your ex can marry him, quit her job, move up there and be with the children all of the time. She has asked the court to rewrite the child custody order to allow her to move out of state and change your time with the children to eight long weekends per year and four weeks in the summer.
Since splitting with your ex, you have not been very involved with your daughters' activities. You have spent your time working hard to support yourself and pay the child support, but you have not been the ideal Dad when it comes to quality time with your children. What do you do now?
After a parental time-sharing plan is established in a divorce or paternity case, it is subject to being rewritten if there has been a substantial change of circumstances since the original plan was established. The judge will determine if a new schedule is required based upon the best interests of the children.
Clearly this is substantial change of circumstance. It would be shame to deny this woman happiness with a new husband. But what about the best interests of the children? They are going to be way better off financially and instead of having both parents working full time, they will have Mom at their beck and call 24/7. How do you fight that?
These "relocation" cases, as the courts call them, are difficult. Unlike most things in divorce or paternity cases, there is going to be a clear winner and a clear loser when the judge rules. There are steps you can take to help your case by the time you get in front of the judge. You have to act fast, though.
Try these:
Start going to every doctor or dental appointment the girls have. Be the parent who leads the Brownie Troop they are in. Be the assistant coach of the girls' softball team. Be the homeroom Dad.
You get the idea. Do everything you can do to be the involved Dad that you have not been so far. By the time you get to the final hearing on the request to change the parenting plan to allow for relocation, the judge is going to have a hard time granting it. Even though you were not an involved Dad since the split with your ex, you have now proven that you are SuperDad. It will be very hard for a judge to move the children away from a parent like that.
Enjoy your time with the girls and think how proud they will be of your relationship when later on in life, you walk each one down the aisle.
Stann Givens has been practicing law in Florida for 41 years and is the founding partner of Givens Givens Sparks. He has been Board Certified by the Florida Bar as a Marital and Family Lawyer since 1991, on the list of "Best Lawyers in America" since 1998, and been named a "Super Lawyer" since 2006.
Consider this scenario. Your ex-wife has your young daughters overnight at her house much more than you do. She has a new fiance who lives in another state who is so wealthy that your ex can marry him, quit her job, move up there and be with the children all of the time. She has asked the court to rewrite the child custody order to allow her to move out of state and change your time with the children to eight long weekends per year and four weeks in the summer.
Since splitting with your ex, you have not been very involved with your daughters' activities. You have spent your time working hard to support yourself and pay the child support, but you have not been the ideal Dad when it comes to quality time with your children. What do you do now?
After a parental time-sharing plan is established in a divorce or paternity case, it is subject to being rewritten if there has been a substantial change of circumstances since the original plan was established. The judge will determine if a new schedule is required based upon the best interests of the children.
Clearly this is substantial change of circumstance. It would be shame to deny this woman happiness with a new husband. But what about the best interests of the children? They are going to be way better off financially and instead of having both parents working full time, they will have Mom at their beck and call 24/7. How do you fight that?
These "relocation" cases, as the courts call them, are difficult. Unlike most things in divorce or paternity cases, there is going to be a clear winner and a clear loser when the judge rules. There are steps you can take to help your case by the time you get in front of the judge. You have to act fast, though.
Try these:
Start going to every doctor or dental appointment the girls have. Be the parent who leads the Brownie Troop they are in. Be the assistant coach of the girls' softball team. Be the homeroom Dad.
You get the idea. Do everything you can do to be the involved Dad that you have not been so far. By the time you get to the final hearing on the request to change the parenting plan to allow for relocation, the judge is going to have a hard time granting it. Even though you were not an involved Dad since the split with your ex, you have now proven that you are SuperDad. It will be very hard for a judge to move the children away from a parent like that.
Enjoy your time with the girls and think how proud they will be of your relationship when later on in life, you walk each one down the aisle.
Stann Givens has been practicing law in Florida for 41 years and is the founding partner of Givens Givens Sparks. He has been Board Certified by the Florida Bar as a Marital and Family Lawyer since 1991, on the list of "Best Lawyers in America" since 1998, and been named a "Super Lawyer" since 2006.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
5 Ways to Help Your Kids Thrive After Divorce
Divorce is prevalent in American culture nowadays. All divorces are painful, but those between parents of small children can be particularly hard, since you worry about your children's emotional welfare on top of all of the other stressors involved in your divorce. Amidst all of the pain and chaos of your divorce, making sure the kids are okay is of paramount importance for most parents.
As a therapist in private practice, and the author of the upcoming book How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family
, parents ask me many questions about how to help their kids deal with divorce in the healthiest possible way. Here are five tips to help your kids cope and even thrive after divorce.
1. Be honest.
Make sure that your kids know that the divorce is final and that you won't be reconciling with your co-parent. Additionally, admit if you are sad about the divorce; your child will likely be upset and this will validate his or her emotions. If you are going to have to change your child's financial situation or your child may not be able to engage in certain valued activities, be open about this as well, and empathize with this situation.
2. Speak well of your co-parent.
No matter what circumstances led to your divorce, there is nothing positive to be gained from criticizing your co-parent in front of your kids. Remember, when you badmouth your child's other parent, it's like your badmouthing 50 percent of your child. Children need to love and respect both parents, even in the case when a parent is absent and the child can only have a parent-child relationship in the child's imagination.
3. Don't confide in your child about adult matters.
It is easy to let yourself slip, particularly around older or very empathic children, and allow a dynamic to develop where your child comforts you rather than the other way around. Even seemingly precocious children are greatly stressed by having to listen to adult thoughts and feelings, and kids begin to feel that their responsibility is to care for you, instead of feeling like a child themselves.
4. Keep routines stable.
Establish as predictable a routine as possible so that your child knows what's coming next. In the case where your co-parent acts unpredictably, focus your efforts on your child's experience when he or she is with you. Pick your child up at the same time, make playdates with the same friends, and, unless finances become too strained, keep your child in the same activities.
5. Give your child extra love.
Spend quality time with your child, check in to ask how he or she is feeling, do fun activities one-on-one, and tell your child openly how much you love him or her. There is no amount of affection that is too much; your child will feel insecure about your changing family structure and needs to know that your love and affection will never go away.
For more, pre-order Dr. Rodman's upcoming book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, visit her at Dr. Psych Mom, on Facebook, and on Twitter @DrPsychMom.
.
As a therapist in private practice, and the author of the upcoming book How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family
, parents ask me many questions about how to help their kids deal with divorce in the healthiest possible way. Here are five tips to help your kids cope and even thrive after divorce.1. Be honest.
Make sure that your kids know that the divorce is final and that you won't be reconciling with your co-parent. Additionally, admit if you are sad about the divorce; your child will likely be upset and this will validate his or her emotions. If you are going to have to change your child's financial situation or your child may not be able to engage in certain valued activities, be open about this as well, and empathize with this situation.
2. Speak well of your co-parent.
No matter what circumstances led to your divorce, there is nothing positive to be gained from criticizing your co-parent in front of your kids. Remember, when you badmouth your child's other parent, it's like your badmouthing 50 percent of your child. Children need to love and respect both parents, even in the case when a parent is absent and the child can only have a parent-child relationship in the child's imagination.
3. Don't confide in your child about adult matters.
It is easy to let yourself slip, particularly around older or very empathic children, and allow a dynamic to develop where your child comforts you rather than the other way around. Even seemingly precocious children are greatly stressed by having to listen to adult thoughts and feelings, and kids begin to feel that their responsibility is to care for you, instead of feeling like a child themselves.
4. Keep routines stable.
Establish as predictable a routine as possible so that your child knows what's coming next. In the case where your co-parent acts unpredictably, focus your efforts on your child's experience when he or she is with you. Pick your child up at the same time, make playdates with the same friends, and, unless finances become too strained, keep your child in the same activities.
5. Give your child extra love.
Spend quality time with your child, check in to ask how he or she is feeling, do fun activities one-on-one, and tell your child openly how much you love him or her. There is no amount of affection that is too much; your child will feel insecure about your changing family structure and needs to know that your love and affection will never go away.
For more, pre-order Dr. Rodman's upcoming book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family
, visit her at Dr. Psych Mom, on Facebook, and on Twitter @DrPsychMom..
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Woman gets time served in beach-sex case; state seeks 2.5 years for man
A 20-year-old Florida woman convicted of having sex on a beach with a 40-year-old man was released from jail Wednesday after agreeing to be sentenced…
'Bachelor' Star Chris Soules And Whitney Bischoff Split
Prince Farming has lost his princess.
"The Bachelor" creator Mike Fleiss took to Twitter on Thursday to share some sad news -- last season's star Chris Soules and his fiancée Whitney Bischoff have called off their engagement:
A rep for the couple confirmed the split to The Huffington Post in a statement:
The couple's breakup comes just two months after Soules proposed to Bischoff on the Season 19 finale of the reality dating series.
"The Bachelor" creator Mike Fleiss took to Twitter on Thursday to share some sad news -- last season's star Chris Soules and his fiancée Whitney Bischoff have called off their engagement:
Sad news to report: @souleschris and @whitbisch are no longer engaged...
— Mike Fleiss (@fleissmeister) May 28, 2015A rep for the couple confirmed the split to The Huffington Post in a statement:
Whitney Bischoff and Chris Soules have mutually and amicably decided to end their engagement. They part with nothing but respect and admiration for one another and will continue to be supportive friends. They wish to thank everyone who has supported them through this journey.
The couple's breakup comes just two months after Soules proposed to Bischoff on the Season 19 finale of the reality dating series.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Street band playing outside DC office windows is not sweet music to ears of Skadden lawyers
Skadden Arps Slate Meagher & Flom is globally known for its corporate deal-making expertise.
But the Wall Street powerhouse has so far been stymied in…
Out-Of-State Income: Do I Have To Pay Income Tax in my State?
Most people have one job and earn income in the state where they live. So they pay taxes in one state. That's simple. But, for people who earn income in states other than where they live, things get a...
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Thinks It's Bullsh*t That Young Women Have To Be ‘Likable'
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is here to remind young women that whoever likes you or doesn't like you should have no effect on your self worth.
On May 19, the Nigerian author was honored at the 2015 Girls Write Now Awards, where she gave a riveting speech directed at young women -- reminding them that their stories and their voices matter. "I think it’s important to tell your story truthfully and I think that’s a difficult thing to do -- to be truly truthful," Adichie told the crowd in New York City.
She said that it's hard for women to be truthful when telling their stories because we're conditioned to be concerned about offending people. Adichie told the young women in the crowd to forget about being liked. "If you start off thinking about being likable you’re not going to tell your story honestly because you’re going to be so concerned with not offending and that’s going to ruin your story. Forget about likability," she said.
"Forget about likability"
"I think that what our society teaches young girls and I think it’s also something that’s quite difficult for even older women, self-confessed feminists to shrug off is that idea that likability is an essential part of the space that you occupy in the world," she went on. "That you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes and make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to kind of hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy because you have to be likable. And I say that is bullshit." And that's what we call a crowd pleaser.
Thank you, Chimamanda for reminding all of us (even the self-confessed feminists) that being liked should never stand in the way of telling your story.
Watch her entire speech in the video above.
H/T Blavity
On May 19, the Nigerian author was honored at the 2015 Girls Write Now Awards, where she gave a riveting speech directed at young women -- reminding them that their stories and their voices matter. "I think it’s important to tell your story truthfully and I think that’s a difficult thing to do -- to be truly truthful," Adichie told the crowd in New York City.
She said that it's hard for women to be truthful when telling their stories because we're conditioned to be concerned about offending people. Adichie told the young women in the crowd to forget about being liked. "If you start off thinking about being likable you’re not going to tell your story honestly because you’re going to be so concerned with not offending and that’s going to ruin your story. Forget about likability," she said.
"I think that what our society teaches young girls and I think it’s also something that’s quite difficult for even older women, self-confessed feminists to shrug off is that idea that likability is an essential part of the space that you occupy in the world," she went on. "That you’re supposed to twist yourself into shapes and make yourself likable, that you’re supposed to kind of hold back sometimes, pull back, don’t quite say, don’t be too pushy because you have to be likable. And I say that is bullshit." And that's what we call a crowd pleaser.
Thank you, Chimamanda for reminding all of us (even the self-confessed feminists) that being liked should never stand in the way of telling your story.
Watch her entire speech in the video above.
H/T Blavity
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
20150527 - U.S. Border Questionnaire: Is Anyone in Your Family a “Martyr”?
U.S. Border Questionnaire: Is Anyone in Your Family a “Martyr”? May 27, 2015 by Murtaza Hussain, The Intercept 2015-05-27
Alec Baldwin's 'Love Ride' Surprises Young Couple With Hilarious Mobile Therapy
Maybe Jack Donaghy is exactly the person you'd want analyzing your relationship.
Alec Baldwin is back for more mobile relationship therapy, and this time, he's brought the "cone of silence." On this episode of "Love Ride," Baldwin and his sidekick Jemima Kirke are getting to know Jennie and Jimme. Jimme is a musician who wants his fans to believe he's younger than he is, and Baldwin wants to know when he's going to man up and get a real job.
We could watch Alec Baldwin read the phone book. Are there still phone books?
Alec Baldwin is back for more mobile relationship therapy, and this time, he's brought the "cone of silence." On this episode of "Love Ride," Baldwin and his sidekick Jemima Kirke are getting to know Jennie and Jimme. Jimme is a musician who wants his fans to believe he's younger than he is, and Baldwin wants to know when he's going to man up and get a real job.
We could watch Alec Baldwin read the phone book. Are there still phone books?
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Breaking News: California Judge Orders Immediate Return of Kelly Rutherford's Children
In 2009, actress Kelly Rutherford entered the Family Court system naively believing that the best interest of her two American children would be served by presiding Judge Teresa A. Beaudet. In an unprecedented move labeled by legal analyst Dan Abrams as "the worst custody decision ever," these young children, Hermes and Helena, were ordered to live with their father, Daniel Giersch in France. This six-year custody battle has left Kelly bankrupt on both an emotional and financial level.
Daniel Giersch recently filed for custody in Monaco asking the court to retain jurisdiction of the case and was successful in his quest when Monaco declared the children "habitual residents" and restricted Kelly's access to the children significantly. Daniel is currently denying Kelly's parenting time while refusing to acknowledge the California court order that reads, "The Court intends that each child's habitual residence will remain the United States and that any foreign travel or stays in other countries will be temporary in nature, and not result in a change of either child's habitual residence, or of jurisdiction to modify custody and visitation orders, or issue new custody and visitation orders."
In a riveting turn of events, Kelly's legal team consisting of Wendy Murphy, David Glass and Chelsea Storey, filed an ex parte hearing in Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday where Judge Mark Juhas ordered that Hermes and Helena are to be returned to the United States immediately. This ruling follows an overwhelming outpouring of celebrity support which came as a result of a petition targeting and appealing to President Barack Obama. The judge also ruled that the California order requiring the children to move to France in 2012 was meant to be temporary, and that it was improper for the children's father to establish residency for the children in Monaco.
Additionally, as the court documents state, the California court found that the father did not meet his obligation to seek a new visa despite the passage of over two years time. Yesterday's order was issued one day after Ms. Rutherford arrived in Monaco for a week-long visit with her children, but when she got to their school to pick them up, they were not there. The children's father told Kelly she could not see them unless she gave him or his associate the children's U.S. passports. The California judge's order forbids the release of the children's passports.
Kelly currently remains in Monaco awaiting a reversal in the order declaring the children as habitual residents and furthermore, enforcing the order from the California courts. Never before has a custody case garnered international media attention to this degree. I think it's safe to say that Americans will be on pins and needles awaiting the return of these two American children, Hermes and Helena.
Click here to read the Judge's ruling.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
2nd Circuit to hear contract lawyer’s appeal on overtime pay
A federal appeals court will hear arguments on Friday in a case contending contract lawyers are entitled to overtime pay.
Contract lawyer David Lola is…
8 Ways To Help Your Partner Become A Better Lover
We've all been there. Sex with a mate that is boring or, even worse, plain bad. Perfunctory foreplay, a hand or tongue that never seems to find the right place or the right rhythm, the thrust that starts too soon or is over too fast.
But we also know that sex can be tricky to talk about, even with a trusted partner. So here is the MiddleSexy Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover. Think of it as a translation service: it takes the thoughts in your head during bad sex and turns them into polite suggestions you can actually say out loud.
What you are really thinking: "Owww. You aren't polishing tarnished silver here. Take it easy before I am completely desensitized."
Say this instead: "I'm feeling extra sensitive today. A little less pressure would be great."
What you are really thinking: "My clitoris has more than one spot you know."
Say this instead: "That feels good, and it would feel even better if you moved your fingers around a bit."
What you are really thinking: "This guy is hopeless. He couldn't find my magic button with a miner's helmet and a map."
Say this instead: "Let me have your hand, it feels great when you touch me right there."
What you are really thinking: "These are nipples, not dials. Stop twisting them incessantly."
Say this instead: "I really love it when you rub my breasts all over."
What you are really thinking: "Why don't you ever go down on me? Are you lazy or just uninspired?"
Say this instead: "Want to try a 69? We can go down on each other at the same time."
What you are really thinking: "That's your idea of foreplay?"
Say this instead: "I'm not quite ready yet. Can we play around a little more?"
What you are really thinking: "Are you a jackrabbit?"
Say this instead: "Let's slow down a little and build up to a fast finish."
What you are really thinking: "Omigod, are you really rolling over? I'm not even close to coming."
Say this instead: "Hey, I haven't finished yet. Would love your hands/mouth/both on me."
Don't let bad sex put you out of the mood. Our Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover won't remake everyone as Casanova, but it should help you turn even the most clueless lover into a more satisfactory bedmate.
Want more MiddleSexy delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our weekly newsletter "The Quickie".
This post originally appeared on MiddleSexy.
But we also know that sex can be tricky to talk about, even with a trusted partner. So here is the MiddleSexy Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover. Think of it as a translation service: it takes the thoughts in your head during bad sex and turns them into polite suggestions you can actually say out loud.
What you are really thinking: "Owww. You aren't polishing tarnished silver here. Take it easy before I am completely desensitized."
Say this instead: "I'm feeling extra sensitive today. A little less pressure would be great."
What you are really thinking: "My clitoris has more than one spot you know."
Say this instead: "That feels good, and it would feel even better if you moved your fingers around a bit."
What you are really thinking: "This guy is hopeless. He couldn't find my magic button with a miner's helmet and a map."
Say this instead: "Let me have your hand, it feels great when you touch me right there."
What you are really thinking: "These are nipples, not dials. Stop twisting them incessantly."
Say this instead: "I really love it when you rub my breasts all over."
What you are really thinking: "Why don't you ever go down on me? Are you lazy or just uninspired?"
Say this instead: "Want to try a 69? We can go down on each other at the same time."
What you are really thinking: "That's your idea of foreplay?"
Say this instead: "I'm not quite ready yet. Can we play around a little more?"
What you are really thinking: "Are you a jackrabbit?"
Say this instead: "Let's slow down a little and build up to a fast finish."
What you are really thinking: "Omigod, are you really rolling over? I'm not even close to coming."
Say this instead: "Hey, I haven't finished yet. Would love your hands/mouth/both on me."
Don't let bad sex put you out of the mood. Our Guide to Making Your Partner a Better Lover won't remake everyone as Casanova, but it should help you turn even the most clueless lover into a more satisfactory bedmate.
Want more MiddleSexy delivered to your inbox? Sign up for our weekly newsletter "The Quickie".
This post originally appeared on MiddleSexy.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Nebraska lawmakers nix death penalty with exact number of votes required to override governor veto
Nebraska lawmakers abolished the death penalty on Wednesday, as the state’s unicameral legislature overrode a veto by the Republican governor in a 30-19 bipartisan vote.
…20 Powerful Pieces Of Advice For Those Going Through A Divorce
If you want solid, honest advice about the divorce process, go directly to the source. No, not your divorce attorney -- divorcés themselves. Who better to counsel you through the tough, sometimes crazy-making times than someone who's lived through all of it and come out stronger?
Below, HuffPost Divorce readers on Facebook and Twitter share the one piece of advice that meant the most to them during the divorce process.
1. "Take the high road. I took it every single time. Even when it was difficult, it was always so worth it."
2. "Never trash talk your ex in front of the kids. You may be exes now, but your kids just see you as their parents."
3. "Mourn. Mourn the death of your marriage like you would a loved one and mourn the husband you thought you knew."
4. "Focus fifty percent on kids and fifty percent on yourself. Don't forget that self-care is important, too."
5. "Conduct yourself in a way you can be proud of later on, when the divorce is over."
6. "Know that your decision to hang on to hurt, anger and bitterness adds no value to your life or your kids' lives."
7. "You need a good friend. One of my best friends told me, 'When you feel the urge to call him, call me instead.' She was my voice of reason during my divorce."
8. "My attorney sent me the 'Let it Go' music video from 'Frozen.' And that's exactly what you need to do. You need to let it go. I focused on my kids. I tried to be amicable and make sure I was honest and ignored the rumors."
9. "Find someone that offers real, honest advice. Someone I know told me, 'I'm sorry this happened to you. This is going to suck for a long time' and it was refreshing to hear. It lifted a huge weight off my chest. People had been telling me things like, 'You'll get through this and you're so strong!" when all I wanted to hear was the brutal honest truth."
10. "Love your children more than you hate your ex."
11. "Stay classy in court -- and rant all about it in the company of good friends later."
12. "Fight only for things that cannot be replaced, like the kids. The rest is just stuff, completely immaterial."
13. "Remember that you have to live with yourself after the divorce, so take pride in what you say and do."
14. "Know that you deserved better than what your ex gave you."
15. "Focus on the kids. Be a guard rail they can safely bump up against when the divorce process seems like it might derail them. Be the safe spot they can run to so they don't go over the edge."
16. "Let go and let your lawyer do their job."
17. "Listen to your gut. Take those baby steps toward learning to trust yourself again.
18. "Be in control of yourself and how you act during the process. Make sure you have boundaries, especially if there weren't any in the marriage."
19. "Don't expect anything you didn't receive during the marriage. If it didn't happen then, it won't happen during the divorce process."
20. "Pick your battles. Some things just aren't worth the fight."
Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Can an 'Artist' Sell Your Instagram Photos?
We've all come to learn (I hope) that nothing we post on the Internet is private. But it's a far cry from "not private" to "available for an artist to enlarge, display, and sell for $90k." That's what artist...
FIFA officials indicted by US in claimed $150M ‘World Cup of Fraud’ scheme
U.S. prosecutors on Wednesday announced a racketeering case against nine current or former FIFA officials, contending that they had operated international soccer’s governing body as…
20150527 - Nation’s Criminal Defense Bar Applauds Nebraska’s Courageous Legislature on its Successful Repeal of the Death Penalty
Nation’s Criminal Defense Bar Applauds Nebraska’s Courageous Legislature on its Successful Repeal of the Death Penalty May 27, 2015 NACDL News Release 2015-05-27
7 Tips for Successful Marriages After Divorce
Following my previous article about the reasons why failed first marriages spell doom for second or even third marriages; I received several emails asking me for tips to improve one's chances for success.
Based on my experience with clients and divorce specialists, I have come up with seven tips to help you improve your chances for a successful marriage after divorce. If you are hoping to marry again after a divorce I urge you to read these helpful suggestions carefully. Best of luck to you!
1. Time-out. Before you jump into a new marriage it is essential that you take some time to make sure that your previous relationship is completely finished. That means taking some time out to grieve, finish all financial settlements, conversations, including texts in the middle of the night to express your feelings about the situation. A new relationship can only start successfully once you have a clean slate.
2. Self reflect. Take the time to figure out how you really feel and what you really want. Where did your previous relationship go wrong? What was the primary source of conflict? Understanding these issues before you enter another relationship will improve your chances for success. If you understand what characteristics about your ex led to divorce, you can make sure that your new partner does not possess the same traits. Understanding failure sounds easy, but it is, in fact on of the most difficult challenges, that once achieved, becomes a key factor for success in future marriages.
3. Face forward. This ties into the idea of having a clean slate. It is important to start all new relationships facing forward, leaving your past behind you. Many people make the mistake of involving new partners in dramas of the past. Of course you should be able to speak about your ex with your new partner, especially when children are involved. But be careful to stay present in new relationships and not to drag the irritations of the past with you are you build your new future.
4. Share the nest. There is significant evidence that points to children as a primary factoring the breakup of second and third marriages. Children may hold a first marriage together for sometime, but they can create tension in second and third marriages. Sharing the nest and parenting responsibilities with your ex can improve your chances for success in new marriages. With a "nesting arrangement" children can benefit from the stability of both parents at different times, while each individual is given the space to rebuild their lives.
5. Money. Money makes the world go round, but it's also a leading cause of conflict in marriage. If you prefer to keep finances separate it's best to be open about it from the start, though I advise you to keep a joint account for shared expenses. Be honest and open about debts and strive to eliminate any grey areas. Discuss long-term financial plans and accept your differences.
6. Sex. Sex is important. Too many marriages fail because one or both partners neglect their sex life, which leads to cheating and affairs. Everyone gets into a rut from time to time, but making sex a priority in your relationship maintains the intimacy and connection that healthy marriages require. Be sure to prioritize and make time for sex.
7. Realism. Failed first marriages tend to make people increase their demands and expectations in new relationships. There is no such thing as the 'perfect relationship.' By the time you are at your second or third marriage, you will have more experience but also more 'baggage' as result of those experiences. Compromise and flexibility are key to maneuvering through all of this.
Remember that communication is the key to success for every type of relationship. Whether it is your first, second or third marriage be sure to make time for each other. Share your dreams and future expectations. Express yourself! Ask your partner to tell you what's important to him. Create more quality time with your partner, eat at the table, put away your cell phone and switch off the TV. Go on holiday together and ask about your partner's day-to-day experiences. Never forget the communication and listening are the essence of a good relationship; as a matter a fact they make or break one! Apply my tips and your marriage, whatever number it is, will be a huge success!
Based on my experience with clients and divorce specialists, I have come up with seven tips to help you improve your chances for a successful marriage after divorce. If you are hoping to marry again after a divorce I urge you to read these helpful suggestions carefully. Best of luck to you!
1. Time-out. Before you jump into a new marriage it is essential that you take some time to make sure that your previous relationship is completely finished. That means taking some time out to grieve, finish all financial settlements, conversations, including texts in the middle of the night to express your feelings about the situation. A new relationship can only start successfully once you have a clean slate.
2. Self reflect. Take the time to figure out how you really feel and what you really want. Where did your previous relationship go wrong? What was the primary source of conflict? Understanding these issues before you enter another relationship will improve your chances for success. If you understand what characteristics about your ex led to divorce, you can make sure that your new partner does not possess the same traits. Understanding failure sounds easy, but it is, in fact on of the most difficult challenges, that once achieved, becomes a key factor for success in future marriages.
3. Face forward. This ties into the idea of having a clean slate. It is important to start all new relationships facing forward, leaving your past behind you. Many people make the mistake of involving new partners in dramas of the past. Of course you should be able to speak about your ex with your new partner, especially when children are involved. But be careful to stay present in new relationships and not to drag the irritations of the past with you are you build your new future.
4. Share the nest. There is significant evidence that points to children as a primary factoring the breakup of second and third marriages. Children may hold a first marriage together for sometime, but they can create tension in second and third marriages. Sharing the nest and parenting responsibilities with your ex can improve your chances for success in new marriages. With a "nesting arrangement" children can benefit from the stability of both parents at different times, while each individual is given the space to rebuild their lives.
5. Money. Money makes the world go round, but it's also a leading cause of conflict in marriage. If you prefer to keep finances separate it's best to be open about it from the start, though I advise you to keep a joint account for shared expenses. Be honest and open about debts and strive to eliminate any grey areas. Discuss long-term financial plans and accept your differences.
6. Sex. Sex is important. Too many marriages fail because one or both partners neglect their sex life, which leads to cheating and affairs. Everyone gets into a rut from time to time, but making sex a priority in your relationship maintains the intimacy and connection that healthy marriages require. Be sure to prioritize and make time for sex.
7. Realism. Failed first marriages tend to make people increase their demands and expectations in new relationships. There is no such thing as the 'perfect relationship.' By the time you are at your second or third marriage, you will have more experience but also more 'baggage' as result of those experiences. Compromise and flexibility are key to maneuvering through all of this.
Remember that communication is the key to success for every type of relationship. Whether it is your first, second or third marriage be sure to make time for each other. Share your dreams and future expectations. Express yourself! Ask your partner to tell you what's important to him. Create more quality time with your partner, eat at the table, put away your cell phone and switch off the TV. Go on holiday together and ask about your partner's day-to-day experiences. Never forget the communication and listening are the essence of a good relationship; as a matter a fact they make or break one! Apply my tips and your marriage, whatever number it is, will be a huge success!
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Your 'Perfect Partner' Isn't Supposed to Be Perfect
My first husband and I divorced after 11 years. I believed that getting a divorce would end my problems with him. Big surprise! Divorce ended the marriage but not the problems. I took them with me and continued resolving them through other people.
Divorce did give me a temporary reprieve, though. I remember marveling at not being angry the first day after our split. A little space can be helpful -- as long as we remember that our problems aren't with the other person and that our stuff stays with us until we sort it out.
Is divorce sometimes the answer? Maybe. But we've set causes in motion, and we're experiencing the results -- so our problems are not originating outside of us. And to resolve them, we'll keep attracting people who can offer us the same challenges as the partners we're thinking of leaving.
Relating is like riding an elevator: If we don't do something different, such as select a new number, the doors will open and we'll just get out on the same floor.
I'm still resolving recurring patterns through my present husband. For example, when we play card games, Ron wins a lot and I don't lose well. Instead of losing politely and maybe even congratulating him, I tend to throw the cards at him. We can get the cards out and make a joke about whether I'll flip out this time - clearly naming the name of what I do - and it can still turn into a free-for-all!
To have healthy relationships, we need to deal with this stuff. And it won't work to think: "How can I get my partner to change for me?"
If I had it to do again with my first husband, I'd probably still get divorced. But I'd be smarter and kinder in leaving. Eventually, I got an opportunity to repair some of that.
Two decades after our divorce, he died from a brain tumor at age 56. One evening during his last weeks, Ron and I sat across the dinner table from each other in the Netherlands. I said to him, "I have to go." And he said, "I know, you have to go." So I flew back to America and moved into my ex's house. He was brave and peaceful to the end. And helping take care of him was the natural thing to do. The real hero was Ron, in giving me his blessing to go.
One thing that I did right following my divorce was to wait before jumping into another serious relationship. Seven years, I waited. I said to myself, "I only want one more romantic relationship in my life - one built on real love and shared purpose." I wouldn't settle for less, so I went years without a date!
And then along came Ron. We began as great friends. And eventually, I discovered that he'd seen my photo on the back cover of a book I'd coauthored, and he'd "known inside" that I was the one he would marry - and he'd traveled from Amsterdam to America to find me.
What do I make of it? I believe in the probability of magic - that we all have the power to draw to ourselves whatever and whomever we need to fulfill our purposes and to share real love.
An important question to ask ourselves is: "Would I want me as a partner?" If the answer is no, the next question is: "What would I want to be different about me?"
We can start living that change today. Or we can leave a years-long trail of messy interactions and failed partnerships.
Getting rid of our partners will not get rid of our problems because we form relationships over and over with the type of people who can help us resolve our particular issues. So right now, our present partners are uniquely qualified to be imperfect, and that's good news.
In other words, our "perfect partner" is an imperfect person!
We look for relationships that can give us what we need to become whole. But that doesn't mean that our wholeness is someone else's responsibility. In the area of relationships, two halves don't make a whole. Two wholes make a whole partnership.
This post was originally featured on The Good Men Project.
The photo is a student café, Eetcafé de Preuverij, in Maastricht, The Netherlands.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Judge resigns amid allegations she retaliated after rebuffed Facebook request, exhibited paranoia
A Florida judge has resigned before the resolution of ethics charges alleging she “repeatedly expressed paranoia” and exhibited “inexplicable” and “disruptive” behavior.
Judge Linda Schoonover…
20150526 - America cannot lock its poor in debtor's prisons to fund its police departments
America cannot lock its poor in debtor's prisons to fund its police departments May 26, 2015 by Corrina Regnier, The Guardian 2015-05-26
One Statue Perfectly Captures Mansplaining
Mansplaining and manspreading: Every woman's nightmare.
Twitter user Cathy de la Cruz tweeted an image of a statue on May 22 of a man standing with one foot on a bench speaking to a woman sitting down. Underneath the image, Cruz wrote: "#Mansplaining The Statue." But, actually.
The statue, named "New Friends," lives on the San Antonio, Texas campus of the University of the Incarnate Word, a private Catholic University. The bronze duo might be "new friends," or the dude might simply be explaining what a bench is and how to use it to this poor young lady (a.k.a. mansplaining). And he's manspreading -- what a gem.
Twitter users appreciated the joke, retweeting the image over 2,500 times after writer Ann Friedman gave a shout-out:
The Internet offered some hilarious and imaginative ideas about the topic of conversation between the two bronze models:
One woman even chimed in that the statue looked familiar to her, tweeting an image of a very similar duo at Purdue University:
So there you have it: Mansplaining is literally set in bronze.
H/T The Daily Dot
Twitter user Cathy de la Cruz tweeted an image of a statue on May 22 of a man standing with one foot on a bench speaking to a woman sitting down. Underneath the image, Cruz wrote: "#Mansplaining The Statue." But, actually.
A friend spotted this in Texas: #Mansplaining The Statue. pic.twitter.com/87RkAkuLcI
— Cathy de la Cruz (@SadDiego) May 22, 2015The statue, named "New Friends," lives on the San Antonio, Texas campus of the University of the Incarnate Word, a private Catholic University. The bronze duo might be "new friends," or the dude might simply be explaining what a bench is and how to use it to this poor young lady (a.k.a. mansplaining). And he's manspreading -- what a gem.
Twitter users appreciated the joke, retweeting the image over 2,500 times after writer Ann Friedman gave a shout-out:
Mansplaining: The Statue (via @SadDiego) pic.twitter.com/KKPLv1YV8F
— ann friedman (@annfriedman) May 22, 2015The Internet offered some hilarious and imaginative ideas about the topic of conversation between the two bronze models:
@SadDiego @1aprildaniels Bet you ten dollars he's telling her she'd be prettier if she smiled.
— Eileen Shyler (@EileenShyler) May 23, 2015@SadDiego @Oni_42 his body language: can I take you over? hers: I don't think so.
— Elisabeth Schubert (@cvtberlin) May 23, 2015@SadDiego @ohhoe I also didn't know it was possible to manspread in a standing position. He found a way.
— Paweł Szymczykowski (@makenai) May 23, 2015@SadDiego @cvincentdugas This is what he's mansplaining: "Now darlin'...I'm sure that's the good word you're reading. Or a cookbook."
— ScannerDrome (@ScannerDromeMag) May 23, 2015@SadDiego @badgrammer She must be learning so many important things about how good he did at golf today.
— Ruckus Jones (@RuckusJones) May 26, 2015One woman even chimed in that the statue looked familiar to her, tweeting an image of a very similar duo at Purdue University:
Official Statue of Mansplaining. Class of 1950 Lecture Hall, Purdue. pic.twitter.com/I4PTwXzGsn
— Emily Skaja (@emily_skaja) August 22, 2014So there you have it: Mansplaining is literally set in bronze.
H/T The Daily Dot
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
You Can't Stay Married For The Kids | Babble
Confession: sometimes I look over at one of my sons rolling in the grass, or over at my daughter eating her Popsicle in the evening twilight, and something heavier than the sky slams into my chest like a cannonball.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
The 10 Worst States to Be a Bad Driver
You get a ticket; your insurance goes up. You get in an accident; your insurance goes up even more. You get a DUI conviction, and you'll be eating dollar menu McDonald's everyday to afford your insurance premiums. Insurance rate...
Nebraska governor vetoes bill abolishing death penalty; are there enough votes for an override?
Nebraska Gov. Pete Ricketts on Tuesday vetoed a bill abolishing the death penalty in the state, saying capital punishment “is a matter of public safety.”
…When Parents Part
Over the last fifty years, America's policy makers and commentators have pointed to the failure of people to marry or stay married to explain many of society's dysfunctions. During that fifty-year period, the numbers of Americans marrying have sharply decreased and about half of those who do marry get divorced. The social organization of the United States (and of most societies in the West) is still seen as being based on families interlinked through marriage, so concern is understandable. But what truly holds contemporary communities and societies together is not the institution of marriage but the family relationships it used to support--above all, relationships between parents and children. So should shoring up marriage still be our priority? And is it even possible?
The decrease in the number of couples who marry is due in large part to a changed mind-set; to changes in attitudes toward sexual relationships and having children, supported by increasingly efficient and available contraception and by the rise in women's education and income. Even as late as the 1960s and 70s, getting married was integral to being recognized as an adult and to being able to have sex; to leave home to live with a partner, and to have or not have children by choice. Like it or not-and many Americans do not-people now do all these things without marriage. In 2008 more than 40 per cent of babies born in the United States had cohabiting or single mothers rather than married parents, and the figure is predicted to top 50 per cent next year.
Meanwhile fewer than 50 per cent of students leaving high school live with biological parents who are married to each other. Although almost all adults seek close long-term relationships, often regarding such relationships as the sine qua non of personal happiness, it is clear that a dwindling number choose to make marriage vows. If we could accept that a majority of contemporary couples are not going to marry before setting up house or having babies together, however much they are encouraged by faith communities or tax authorities, and that those who do marry as well as those who do not will part when the relationship is irretrievably broken, we could focus on what is wrong with this trend and who it matters to. To many Americans, cohabiting as an alternative to marriage and divorcing to end marriage are wrong because they are wrong: these are moral and religious issues. But to those of us of a more pragmatic mind-set, the concern is less about individual adult relationships with each other than about parents' relationships with their children.
Lifelong partnership is an ideal, but now that many Americans live into their eighties, that can mean sixty years of monogamous togetherness, and a lot of people cannot manage that; there has to be a socially acceptable means of escape. There is a kind of loving that is usually lifelong, though, and that's the love that crosses the generation gap between parents and their children. Sadly, the separations and divorces that act as safety valves when the pressure of couple relationships become too great are deeply destructive to parent-child relationships.
A pragmatic definition of a social problem is useful only if it suggests achievable solutions, and we can do a great deal to cushion the impact of separation and divorce on children. Parents divorce each other. They do not and cannot divorce their children--except in extreme cases. The best way to protect children from the worst of family breakdown is to separate the marriage or partnership (which is broken) from the parenting (which is not). The breakup of a family is almost always full of hurt and anger, but while it threatens to overwhelm everything, it must not, at all costs, be allowed to overwhelm the relationships of each child with each parent. If the man who last night admitted to an affair and his plans to leave the family was a good and loving father yesterday, he still is. Whether this disclosure came out of the blue or was the final straw in an already-shaky relationship, the conversation hasn't changed that. Both spouses are going to be single parents, but that need not mean that their children are destined to become fatherless or motherless.
When a family breaks down what matters most to children of all ages is not their physical separation but their enmity. If mothers and fathers can hang on to their respect and trust in each other as parents, even though they may come to loathe and distrust each other as partners, the damage done to children by divorce can be minimized. "Mutual parenting" (perhaps what Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin meant by "conscious uncoupling") means mothers and fathers talking, texting, and even meeting to support each other in matters concerned with their children's well-being and happiness. Above all, it means exes encouraging children to go on loving and depending on both of them. It isn't easy, but it's the best way forward that can possibly be offered to children when parents part. (When Parents Part, Knopf May 13, 2015)
The decrease in the number of couples who marry is due in large part to a changed mind-set; to changes in attitudes toward sexual relationships and having children, supported by increasingly efficient and available contraception and by the rise in women's education and income. Even as late as the 1960s and 70s, getting married was integral to being recognized as an adult and to being able to have sex; to leave home to live with a partner, and to have or not have children by choice. Like it or not-and many Americans do not-people now do all these things without marriage. In 2008 more than 40 per cent of babies born in the United States had cohabiting or single mothers rather than married parents, and the figure is predicted to top 50 per cent next year.
Meanwhile fewer than 50 per cent of students leaving high school live with biological parents who are married to each other. Although almost all adults seek close long-term relationships, often regarding such relationships as the sine qua non of personal happiness, it is clear that a dwindling number choose to make marriage vows. If we could accept that a majority of contemporary couples are not going to marry before setting up house or having babies together, however much they are encouraged by faith communities or tax authorities, and that those who do marry as well as those who do not will part when the relationship is irretrievably broken, we could focus on what is wrong with this trend and who it matters to. To many Americans, cohabiting as an alternative to marriage and divorcing to end marriage are wrong because they are wrong: these are moral and religious issues. But to those of us of a more pragmatic mind-set, the concern is less about individual adult relationships with each other than about parents' relationships with their children.
Lifelong partnership is an ideal, but now that many Americans live into their eighties, that can mean sixty years of monogamous togetherness, and a lot of people cannot manage that; there has to be a socially acceptable means of escape. There is a kind of loving that is usually lifelong, though, and that's the love that crosses the generation gap between parents and their children. Sadly, the separations and divorces that act as safety valves when the pressure of couple relationships become too great are deeply destructive to parent-child relationships.
A pragmatic definition of a social problem is useful only if it suggests achievable solutions, and we can do a great deal to cushion the impact of separation and divorce on children. Parents divorce each other. They do not and cannot divorce their children--except in extreme cases. The best way to protect children from the worst of family breakdown is to separate the marriage or partnership (which is broken) from the parenting (which is not). The breakup of a family is almost always full of hurt and anger, but while it threatens to overwhelm everything, it must not, at all costs, be allowed to overwhelm the relationships of each child with each parent. If the man who last night admitted to an affair and his plans to leave the family was a good and loving father yesterday, he still is. Whether this disclosure came out of the blue or was the final straw in an already-shaky relationship, the conversation hasn't changed that. Both spouses are going to be single parents, but that need not mean that their children are destined to become fatherless or motherless.
When a family breaks down what matters most to children of all ages is not their physical separation but their enmity. If mothers and fathers can hang on to their respect and trust in each other as parents, even though they may come to loathe and distrust each other as partners, the damage done to children by divorce can be minimized. "Mutual parenting" (perhaps what Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin meant by "conscious uncoupling") means mothers and fathers talking, texting, and even meeting to support each other in matters concerned with their children's well-being and happiness. Above all, it means exes encouraging children to go on loving and depending on both of them. It isn't easy, but it's the best way forward that can possibly be offered to children when parents part. (When Parents Part, Knopf May 13, 2015)
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)