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In the '90s, Suze Orman was a relatively unknown author and financial advisor based in Emeryville, California. Then, in 1998, she got a phone call that had the power to change everything.

"We get a call from a producer by the name of Katy Davis wanting me to go onto 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' -- a moment every single author wants to have happen -- to talk about the spiritual side of divorce," Orman recalls.

The only problem was that Orman wasn't keen on the topic.

"I said, 'You know, Katy, there's nothing spiritual about divorce," Orman says.

She turned down the offer to appear on the show. But, the producer was persistent. "It took her one month to convince me to go on the show," Orman says. "I really didn't want to do it because I wasn't an expert in divorce."

On the day of the show, technical difficulties caused some delays, and for a moment, Orman was hopeful that time would run out and she wouldn't be able to film her segment.

No such luck.

"All of a sudden, Katy comes in and says, 'Suze, we have a minute and a half. Go on,'"Orman says.

The financial expert was visibly nervous.

"I'm shaking... I'm sweating. [Oprah] takes my hand to calm me down, but I'm thinking, 'I'm sweating in Oprah Winfrey's hand,'" Orman says. "I move my hand away and she grabs my hand. With that, she says, 'Sit down.'"

Orman sat.

"She looks at me and she says, 'Suze, what is the key to life?'" 

Orman managed to collect herself and, on her minute-long segment, articulated a moving answer.

I grew up, and I started to have money -- and I realized I was still empty. I knew I was in big trouble. So, I started a spiritual quest, and, really, what I found out was that when you can be as happy in your sadness as you are in your happiness, then you know the key to life. Then you have true freedom, and freedom comes in many forms. One way it comes, Oprah, is in money as well. What you can do with it, what it can do for others. But I got news: Money alone is not going to set you free.

That answer sparked quite the intrigue in Oprah. "She said … 'We're going to have to do an hour show on you.' And with that, she gets up and walks off," Orman says. "That was it."

The moment may have only lasted 60 seconds, but it was monumental.

"That one minute in time obviously changed my life forever," says Orman, who appeared on countless "Oprah Show" episodes after that point. "She could see something in me that I couldn't even see in myself."

Another moment from an "Oprah Show" expert:

The unlikely beginning to Oprah and Dr. Oz's friendship (hint: it centered on flatulence)

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7 Signs You're The Real Problem In Your Relationship

When things start to go south in a relationship, it's easy to place the blame squarely on your partner's shoulders. But chances are, you're not completely blameless.

Below, experts share seven signs you're the problem in your relationship -- and how to change your ways ASAP. 

1. You're letting your spouse do all the work. 

A good relationship is a partnership of equals. Accordingly, responsibilities should be divided up equally. If you're allowing your S.O. to do all the heavy lifting (making social plans, initiating sex and taking care of the bills, for example), resentment is bound to build up, said Megan Fleming, a New York City-based psychologist and sex therapist. 

"So often, people want their partners to lean in first, but then they don't show up to the relationships themselves," she said.

If you think you're guilty of putting your partner on the back burner, Fleming suggests "giving, sharing, appreciating and learning your partner's love language" to prove you're still invested in the relationship.  

2. You're unhappy with yourself.  

Cliche as it sounds, you really do need to love yourself before you can offer quality love to someone else, said Seth Meyers, a psychologist and the author of Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. If you're unhappy about the rest of your life -- or feeling uneasy in your skin -- it's bound to impact your relationship. 

"Everything is related; being depressed or angry about other parts of your life will impact your relationship in negative ways," he said.

Practice self-care and make efforts to improve your life, Meyers said. And if you're just the pessimistic type, try to "be aware of how you come across on a daily basis to your partner," he said. 

3. You stonewall your S.O. 

It's emotionally exhausting to be with someone who stonewalls you after an argument. The next time you and your boo get int a drawn-out argument about who does the most laundry or whatever else, call a timeout. Once you've calmed down, come up with a solution that makes sense to both of you. Don't resort to the silent treatment, Fleming said. 

"Too often I see couples freeze their partner out in silence for hours, even days, all because of a fight," she said. "Slow down and figure out what happened the moment before your emotions hijacked your rational thinking."

4. You assume the worst about your partner. 

When you and your S.O. are working through a problem, give her the benefit of the doubt. She's probably not trying to draw the argument out and she's not trying to hurt you. More likely than not, she, too, wants to move past the issue as quickly as possible, said Laurel Steinberg, a New York-based relationship expert and an adjunct professor of psychology at Columbia University.

"Before reacting to something your partner has done or said that rubbed you the wrong way, try to first consider her intentions," she said. "Did she intend to hurt your feelings or be inconsiderate? Most likely, the answer is no and the problem was simply the result of carelessness or not understanding your expectations." 

And if she really was trying to hurt you on purpose, give some deep consideration to staying in the relationship. "There is no room for intentional cruelty in a loving relationship," she said.  

5. You can't admit when you're wrong. 

You're an adult, and you presumably want your relationship to last. To make that happen, stop pointing fingers and take accountability for the mistakes you make with your partner, said Meyers. 

"It's a bad sign if you tend to blame instead of taking ownership for your own issues," he said. "Men and women who blame always believe that the problem lies with the other person."

Instead of focusing on who's in the wrong, focus on how you can resolve the problem and get back to being the happy couple you usually are.  

"You have to take the word 'fault' out of the equation when you're looking at problems in your relationship," he explained. 

6. You don't stay on topic when you argue.

It's the ultimate argument no-no: You're having a heated conversation about one thing, and suddenly you go rogue and bring up something that upset you years and years ago. If that sounds familiar, you may be the reason you and your S.O. can't seem to resolve anything, Steinberg said. 

"Stay focused!" she said. "Your concerns will be received better when organized and concise." 

7. You assume you're not part of the problem. 

If you don't think you're partly to blame for the less-than-ideal state of your relationship, we have news for you: you are the problem. No one is completely guiltless in a relationship. Be honest about your faults and relationship blind spots and it will do your marriage a world of good, said Michele Weiner-Davis, the author of Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again.

"If things are rocky in your relationship, the only sign you need to know that you're the problem is if you are one of the partners," she said. "Relationship problems don't happen in a vacuum. When the relationship is going well, it takes two people to make that happen. When things are going poorly, it's both people's responsibility to work on it." 

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Make Choices Based on What You Need, and Not What You Think You Want

There is a difference between wants, needs, and choices. Many times in life we get what we want, but not what we need. Meaning, what we want, and what we actually need, may not be the same things. We may be convinced that what we want is exactly what we need, until we have it, then we realize that it was not truly what we needed at all. If we were able to stop and think whether things are wants or needs, and were really honest with ourselves about it, we would be in a much better place. If we would stop and do this, our choices would truly show who we are, and not simply what we want. That would be a very different presentation, and likely one that others and ourselves could have a great deal of respect for.



If we met two people, and one always made decisions based upon what they wanted, and the other made choices solely on their needs, I would tend to believe that the second person would be the one that we would have greater admiration for, and want to be around. I think this is most true in relationships, especially when we resume dating. It is taking that hard look back and deciding what we need, not what we think we want in a relationship. Here are some wise words from unusual sources that might make you think:



1) "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets



2) "I fell in love with him. But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me."

― Veronica Roth, Allegiant



3) "But until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise."

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change



4) "In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn't matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did."

― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass



5) "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

'I don't much care where -' said Alice.

'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.

'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough."

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland



6) "As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them."



― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

7) "Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can't change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free."

― Shannon L. Alder



8) "Choose your love. Love your choice."

― Thomas S. Monson



9) "Sometimes you have to choose between a bunch of wrong choices and no right ones. You just have to choose which wrong choices feels the least wrong."

― Colleen Hoover, Hopeless



10) "How would your life be different if...You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day...You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others"

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free



11) "Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room."

― Bill Gates



12) "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing."



[The Information Technology Management Reform Act of 1995:Hearing before the Subcommittee on Oversight of Government Management and the District of Columbia of the Committee on Governmental Affairs (1996)]"

― Theodore Roosevelt

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