Plan For A Successful Divorce Before Your Wedding Day!

A couple of years ago I wrote an article for Huffington Post questioning why it's so easy to marry, but so difficult to get divorced. The global divorce industry is thriving with some benefiting from the complicated process.



It's easy to blame the entire divorce industry, but that leaves us where we started: frustrated and broke! Finding solutions to messy divorce is much more challenging -- but it is a challenge that I live for. In my article "It's So Easy to Marry" I mentioned the value of premarital counseling. Youngsters sometimes decide to marry quickly based solely on their emotions and impulses, not taking into account the full extent of a legally binding commitment. Pre-marital counseling allows couples to fully consider the financial and personal stakes, revealing possible incompatibilities that are better learned before walking down the aisle. But even the most carefully laid plans sometimes fall apart and that's why I believe that people should be able to settle a divorce in a relatively uncomplicated way. That's is one of the reasons why I started with Divorce Hotel -- to spare people unnecessarily messy separations. Even thought my reasons are logical, the process can still be complicated.



The good news is that there is a solution. The bad news is that you have to start thinking about divorce before you marry -- I am talking about a prenuptial agreements or premarital agreements, more commonly known as a prenup.



A prenup is a contract that is drafted before marriage, basically outlining the terms for separation. Many people recoil at the mere mention of the word, as it blows romance out the window in a split second. Let's face it: nobody who has met the love of her life wants to start thinking about divorce! But with the rates as high as they are, it's important to face the facts and protect ourselves. Frankly, I believe that making prenups obligatory before marriage would save a lot of time stuck in really painful process.



I have prepared the most FAQs to help you better understand prenups:



Why a prenuptial agreement?

I can give you dozens of reasons why you should have a prenuptial agreement before marriage, but one of the most important reasons is that it forces a couple to think a bit further about all consequences of marriage. Too often couples only think about the emotional relationship, but marriage is also the start of a business relationship.

For example community property does not just refer to a couples shared property, but also debts. With a prenuptial agreement you can assess these areas and assert some terms and conditions beforehand, which saves a lot of headaches, should the marriage not work.



Is a prenup only for celebrity couples?

Not at all -- in fact I firmly believe that prenups should be for everyone. We often see them with celebrities because there are more assets at stake. Prenups are of great value for people whose partners might huge debts, or in situations where one partner earns much more than the other. Bottom line -- it is important to at least consider a prenup before marriage!



Can you list anything you want in a prenup?

Yes, you can list nearly everything what you want. For example adding a clause that states that you will try mediation if you decide to divorce, where you indicate that both spouses will commit to attending at least 3 sessions. Even a settlement about the dog can be included! But of course there are also limits. Legally you cannot excluded things like child support or predetermine child custody arrangements.

It's worth hiring a good legal professional to help you list your terms and conditions so that you have a good prenup that satisfies both spouses.



Does a prenup need to be updated?

Yes definitely! From the beginning you should aim to make your prenup as clear as possible. After 20 years it still needs to be crystal clear and contain no nuances. We all know that life situations such as wealth, jobs, houses and feelings can suddenly change. For that reason alone, it's wise to update a prenup every five years.



For a successful divorce, think carefully before the marriage. Prenups allow both partners to exercise control over their futures and help to make divorces much less painful. It's important to remember that when everything goes well in a relationship, partners are willing to share and give each other everything, often overlooking obvious areas of conflict. However, when facing a divorce that good spirit disappears quickly, often brining defense and meanness. That's why it's better of to arrange the terms divorce while love is still in the air and you are both able to think logically and reasonably.



I sincerely hope that you never have to go through a divorce, but if you do, it's better to be prepared!

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What To Do When You're Bored With Your Sex Life, According To Sexperts

When you've been in a relationship for years, it's all too easy to grow comfortable and slip into a sexual rut. The problem with comfortable is it oftentimes leads to boring ― and no couple should settle for boring sex. 

To help you bring excitement back to your sex life, we asked sex experts to share their best tips for couples in long-term relationships. See what they had to say below. 

1. Take the lead. 

Be honest with yourself: Who tends to initiate sex more often, you or your partner? If you're the less sexually assertive partner, flip the script and take the lead on getting things started tonight, advised Jenny Block, a sex expert and the author of The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex. 

“Change things up: Don't allow yourself to dance the familiar and instead choose the steps you have yet to take for a spin,” she said. “Do you always do things in a certain order, in a certain way? Well, forget all of that. Let go, let loose and let yourselves be free, new and unfettered again.” 

2. Make a sex date once a week. 

You never thought you and your partner would become one of those couples that has to schedule in sex. But the reality is, hot, spontaneous sex doesn't always happen on the regular for long-term couples, said Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist and the author of The New Monogamy. If you're more inclined to get busy Saturday afternoon, when you're well-rested and relaxed, more power to you for acknowledging it. 

“With a sex date on the calendar, you are more likely to plan out what you can do to make it fun, different and exciting,” she said. “You can be as spontaneous and impulsive as you want ― but sometimes you have to plan it.” 

3. Talk about what turns you on now.

At this point, you know how to turn your partner on ― or at least you think you do. Chances are, the sex script you've been using to get your partner off for years needs some updating, said Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist and the co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple's Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. 

“The best way to put an end to boring sex is to have a really honest, detailed conversation about what turns you on with instructions, examples and a PowerPoint ― just kidding about the PowerPoint,” she joked. 

Approach the conversation without judgement and be very explicit about what you want. Show don't tell, Hirschman said.

“Don't just say, 'I need you to be more passionate,' show your S.O. exactly what being more passionate would look like by doing it to them,” she explained.

As Hirschman notes, this approach means you'll have to get over the idea that your partner should “just know” what you want.  

“That's a horrible myth that gets in the way of steamy, hot sex,” she said.  

4. Take intercourse off the menu for a while. 

Sex is about more than just intercourse, said Chris Rose, a sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. To revive your sex life, take a one- or two-month break from intercourse. 

“In the interim, commit to getting naked and touching one another more frequently. Explore full body contact, your hands and mouths, erotic talk and all the other ways you can pleasure one another,” she said. “You may just discover a new favorite path to arousal.” 

5. Have vacation sex ― or staycation sex. 

There's nothing better than a vacation ― except maybe vacation sex. If you can't financially swing a weekend getaway, turn your bedroom into a little escape by sprucing it up a bit, Block said. 

“Create something new that will inspire you to play just like when your surroundings are fresh and foreign,” she said. “Clear the clutter. Splurge on new sheets. Pick up some fresh flowers. Drown out the outside world with music that puts you both in the mood. Switch out your bulbs to create a more inviting lighting design ― whatever it takes.” 

6. Go ahead: Press send on that sexy mid-day text.

Sex is all about the buildup. Sending a sexually charged text to your partner will get the message across that you're in the mood and create what Nelson likes to call “erotic anticipation.” (Let no eggplant or peach emoji go unused!) 

“The more provocative the better ― but try not to be too blatantly sexual,” she said. “Texting is like teasing: you can use it to connect and give just a taste of what is to come.” 

7. Discuss your sexual highlight reel. 

When you think back on your sexual encounters as a couple, what really got you going? Mull that over, then share your thoughts with your S.O., sparing no detail, Rose said. 

“Talk about your best sexual encounters together and explore the details. Where were you? What happened? What were you both feeling?” she advised. “Dig deep into your best shared sexual memories and you'll likely open up your erotic future.” 

8. Make your S.O. feel wanted. 

Don't idly assume that your partner knows how much you appreciate them, said Danielle Harel, a sex therapist and the co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple's Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. Tell them. Ultimately, feeling emotionally connected is what keeps partners feeling safe and turned on, she explained. 

“This means talking about how beautiful, handsome or sexy you still are to each other and how much you appreciate each other,” Harel said. “It also means empathetically listening to each other.”  

She added: “It might be scary, but having deep conversations can make you see each other as new, exciting and sexy again.” 

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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