You'll Never Meet Anyone Sitting On Your Couch!

"You'll never meet anyone sitting on your couch," is my answer when people ask me how to meet single men and women. "How do I meet someone?" is probably the question I get asked most often on Divorced Girl Smiling.

I'm not surprised. I think it's human nature that we crave love and companionship. Even after broken heart (after broken heart after broken heart), we keep coming back for more. It's a thought that makes me smile because it's proof of people's hopeful spirit, romantic tendencies and passion to give and receive love.


So, where can you meet single men and women? I'm actually going to take bars out of this post, A. because the latest reader who asked me where to meet someone said "I'm not a fan of meeting men in bars," and B. Because I'm not either.


Here are 26 places and ways to meet single men and women:



1. Through volunteer work.
2. Through your dog: walks, doggie parks, pet stores
3. At the Apple Store
4. At fundraising events.
5. Through your married friends.
6. Through your single friends.
7. On a blind date. (You must ask people you know to set you up)
8. At a live music venue (this doesn't count as a bar in my opinion)
9. At professional sporting events.
10. On-line dating sites.
11. Social media outlets: LinkedIn, facebook, twitter, Cyber Dust
12. At the gym.
13. Jogging trails
14. Car wash places
15. Business functions
16. Through work (some say that's a no-no but I disagree.)
17. Golfing
18. Playing tennis
19. Through business networking groups.
20. Meetup groups
21. Matchmaking services
22. Running errands.
23. Hate to say it, but it's true: Starbucks
24. Outdoor street festivals.
25. Through your kids (other parents.)
26. Through your divorce attorney or other professionals (dentist, doctor, accountant, etc.) but you have to ask!

Here are three rules I live by that I think will increase your chances to meet single men and women:



1. Stop saying "no" to set ups and social events. Just say yes to everything. Your odds of meeting someone go way up when you actually leave your house!

2. Network: Ask friends and family and acquaintances to introduce you to people. Treat meeting someone like a job.

3. Having platonic friendships can lead to love. I can't stand when two people go out on a date and just because there was no spark, they say good-bye forever. They are both missing out on having just another friend in life. Platonic friends can only enrich your life, and lead to a better social life which will offer you more fun and the possibility of meeting the man or woman of your dreams.


In closing, I want to say one more thing. I'm not saying don't go to bars. Bars are fun and talking to people is harmless and can actually lead to friendships, as well. But, the red flag associated with bars is possible excessive drinking, which can lead to bad decisions and judgment.

Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially" for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she's divorced.

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Is He Right For You? Here's How To Know For Sure.

When it comes to choosing men, especially online, are you looking for men who are "your type"?

Do you wink at them or favor them, hoping they will notice you and write you back? Are you so disappointed if they don't?

Who does contact you? Is it the men you don't want?

Who really is that quality man you imagine yourself being with?

Is he a good looking profile picture? Or is he a total package, a sum of everything he has to offer to your relationship?

Have you ever thought about questions like these when considering a man to date? This is a smart strategy anytime, but especially effective when you're in a dating rut, which is where it feels like you're dating the same guy over and over again in different clothes.

• Will he bring you soup when you're sick?


• Will he stop at the store and get you what you need, even if it is a bit out of the way?


• Will he bring you flowers and say, "I love you," even when it's not your birthday?


• Will he rearrange his schedule to drive you to the airport so you don't have to hoist that suitcase out of your car or worry about parking before your trip?


• When you've had a hard day, will he rub your back or bring you a glass of wine and give you a much-needed hug?


• Will he take your trash out to the curb so you don't have to?


• Will he get up and do the dishes after dinner?


• Most importantly, will he look in your eyes like you are the best thing that ever happened to him?

As we age, we are going to want more in a partner than just his looks and we will more than likely need more, especially in our golden years.


I watched my father take care of my mom as she was dying. He wiped her brow, took her to her chemo treatments, made her soup, and held her hand when she was scared.

My father is adorable -- just ask my friends -- but he would never have been the most handsome man on the block.

If he had been single and dating in the digital age, he probably would have been passed over by lots of women on dating sites.

Yet it's his kindness and the love he radiates from within that women of all ages adore about him once they get to know him.

I can't deny that looks are nice. They are.

But next time you are reading those online profiles and you are thinking, "Hmm, not so cute," before you move on to the next guy, dig a little deeper and pay attention to what that man is saying.

If he writes that he's kind, nice, loves his animals and his kids, he's worth checking out -- even if he's not the most handsome guy on the page. He's probably a man with a wonderful heart.

More importantly, his looks could very well grow on you. After getting to know him, he may be like my father is; adorable, loving and there for you through thick and thin.

That, ladies, is the true mark a quality man.

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. Her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your free report, "5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man," visit www.findaqualityman.com.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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My 6 Pet Peeves About Middle-Aged Men's Online Dating Profiles

I have been a member of a popular online dating service for a little over a year now, and I have to say that, overall, I'm pleasantly surprised by the quality of men I've met online. While I haven't yet met "the one," I remain hopeful that eventually, I will. Yet despite my generally positive experiences, I have come across a few (hundred) profiles that completely baffle me in a these-men-clearly-were-not-raised-with-sisters-and-can't-possibly-have-any-female-friends sort of way. Like the man who thought that selecting the username "Undertaker" was a good idea, or the guy who shot his photos in a room that clearly screamed "locked residential facility." Or, the childless man who expressed his deep desire to meet a woman with young children (preferably boys). One of my all-time favorites though was the man who spent half his profile narrative writing about how he was still deeply in love with his ex-wife, but since she wouldn't take him back, he was forced to find love online (yay us!).

Some of these profiles represent random oddities, the one-in-a-hundred profile with an eyebrow-raising narrative or a few gasp-worthy photographs. These profiles can actually be a wonderful source of entertainment, particularly if wine is involved. But what I find somewhat troubling are some rather disturbing trends I've noted in many men's profiles who seem to be quite normal otherwise. I do empathize, really. Many of us are dating novices, jumping back into the dating pool after years (sometimes decades) of marriage and child-rearing. We're all winging it to a certain extent, unsure of what the other sex is looking for, or how to get their attention. But these gaffes are so obvious that I think it's time someone opens a dialogue and asks the important question: Why? No really, why?

I'm not the only one noticing these trends. Often, when I get together with my single girlfriends the subject of some men's online dating profiles is raised with a collective "what in the world were they thinking??" From time to time I've looked past these profile peculiarities and gone out with some of these men because I sensed they were really nice guys. And let's just say that I wasn't surprised when they shared their frustrations with online dating - of rarely receiving emails from women, of their emails often going unanswered. I wanted to grab these men by their shoulders, and give them a robust (albeit friendly) shake, while sharing my suspicions about their errant marketing techniques. But I have always resisted the temptation to do so out of a fear of appearing rude and ill-mannered.

So instead, I've decided to blog about it! And without further adieu, here is some friendly advice for all of my middle-aged brothers who are trying to find love online and not having much success. This advice should be placed under the broad umbrella of Know Your Audience:

1. Please remove all of the fishing photos from your profile, now. The number of men's profiles with fishing photos truly baffles me. I mean, nothing says love and romance like a sweaty man holding a 16" writhing and bleeding smallmouth bass, right? Wrong! Think of it this way: if you're trying to impress your fellow fishing buddies, keep the fishing photos, but if you want your profile to appeal to women, my advice is, scrap 'em. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't make it right.


2. Avoid the temptation to use sports-themed usernames, sports-themed narratives, or sports-themed photos. Of course, a brief mention of your love of sports is fine. There are many women out there who love sports as well, and I'm certain they would love to watch your favorite team with you. But remember, you are attempting to appeal to the female demographic, not your buddies, thus boasting about how you spend every single night and all weekend watching sports sends the wrong message, plain and simple.


3. I can't say it any clearer than this: Do not post any selfies of yourself looking into your bathroom mirror, period. Seeing a man standing next to an open toilet, or even a toilet paper dispenser, is an immediate turn off. Take a selfie the way everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as though you're doing something fun (like fishing or watching football). Or, if you don't have a selfie stick, take your profile photo the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your car. Worst comes to worst, have a friend take an action shot of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. If you don't have a single friend who can take your photo, or you don't own a smartphone, then you probably shouldn't be dating in the first place.


4. Do everyone a favor (including yourself) and select an appropriate dating age range. Just because most online dating services allow you to select a wide dating age range doesn't mean you should. If you're 50, your lower age limit really shouldn't be under 38, regardless of how much money you earn or how much hair you have (okay, 35 tops, but only if you're super hot).


5. Stop telling us that you don't want a woman with drama. We get it. You don't like drama. But unless you're willing to go the extra mile and define exactly what you mean by "drama" it just sounds like you want a woman without a past or emotions. So be specific, please. Also, I'd like to point out that there is such a thing good drama too (so there!).


6. Right now, before doing anything else, delete all of the naked upper torso shots. This includes the ones that seem spontaneous (as if you were unaware of the camera), including you lifting weights shirtless, you pulling yourself out of the pool shirtless, you casually frolicking in the waves shirtless, and yes, even you posing with your kids at the pool or beach or gym, shirtless. Shirtless photos make you seem narcissistic and insecure, so unless that's the message you're trying to send us, delete them.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope you find these helpful hints useful. Next week I'll post my advice for women. Here's a hint: Avoid usernames with the words sexy, vixen, pouty, kisser, or kitten in them, unless you're trying to attract men who want to bang you in their mother's basement and never call you again.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

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'I Got A Divorce For My 30th Birthday'

"This Is Divorce At..." is a HuffPost Divorce series delving into divorce at every stage of life. Want to share your experience of divorcing at a certain age? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com or tweet @HuffPost Divorce.

At 27, Rebecca Neville agreed to marry her boyfriend after eight years of dating. Just a few short years later, she was 30 -- and divorced.

Splitting up at 30 was devastating, but today, Neville says she's stronger than ever.

"I put up with the heartache and eventually, the pain got smaller each day," she told The Huffington Post. "I learned to trust myself and take advantage of this second chance."

Below, Neville tells us more about her life after divorce.

I didn’t think I’d be divorced at any age. It certainly wasn’t the way I wanted to celebrate the big 3-0. But that’s what I got for my birthday: a divorce.

I was in between youth and middle age: settling into life with another person and settling into my job. I was just beginning to feel like an adult but could still justify late nights out and the occasional Pop-Tart for dinner. Sure, marriage was challenging but I felt we had just hit our stride, comfortably falling into our roles. And then, everything changed. Overnight, my ex wanted a divorce.

At the time, it was painful. Sundays were the worst. During the week, I could distract myself at work. My friends were there to offer support and whisk me out of the house. But Sundays were family days. Those were the days we’d go to breakfast or run errands to the hardware or grocery store or do absolutely nothing but be together. Overnight, Sundays were lonely and boring.

Sure, I expected the loneliness, but boredom? How could I be bored? I had so many new responsibilities at home now that I was separated: I had to cut the lawn, do all the cleaning myself and pay all the bills on my measly salary. The worry alone should have occupied me. But somehow, it didn’t. Life after divorce was downright boring.

I came to realize my boredom was the result of no longer thinking and feeling for two. I had spent so many years aiding my husband: helping him write college papers, dealing with his family drama, making his life comfortable. Free of those responsibilities, I had leisurely time to think about me. I had been helping to fulfill my husband’s dreams for so long I had forgotten that I had dreams, too.


(Photo courtesy of Rebecca Neville)

It had been years since I had asked myself, "What do I want to do today?" So I began asking myself this question and doors opened where I had previously seen only walls. The boredom I felt was a catalyst for new adventures. I began traveling, enrolled in a master’s program and met new friends through activities I enjoyed. I became myself again. Or, more precisely, I became the person I hid to sustain a relationship destined to fail the minute we stopped pretending to be what the other wanted.

Becoming suddenly single at 30 couldn’t have happened at a better time. My thirties ushered in a freedom of expression and a confidence I hadn’t expected. Paired with the freedom in my personal life, I felt invincible. Of course there were the occasional setbacks -- the surprise moments when you’re reminded of the sad times and you mourn just a little more. You can't escape those moments but you have to remind yourself: No matter how much it hurts, it gets better; being in a relationship that isn't healthy never feels better. The death of my relationship brought about my rebirth. I can truly say divorce at 30 was both awful and fantastic.

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