Thursday, December 31, 2015
Why Is January Divorce Season?
A new year is an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. There is something satisfying about the notion of a clean slate, even if January 1 is just a date. This is the time when we resolve to...
Interlocking Directorates in the European Union: An Argument for Their Restriction
Vidir Petersen, University of Iceland identifies Interlocking Directorates in the European Union: An Argument for Their Restriction. ABSTRACT: The EU Commission has recently undertaken a review of the EU Merger Regulation. In this process it has published a White Paper...
Ladies: Three Red Flags the Relationship Is Doomed (and Why You Should Run!)
Over the years as a divorce attorney I've seen hundreds of relationships falling to pieces in a variety of creative ways. Time and again people come up with new ways to screw up their marriages. But too often my clients knew they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place! Rather than walk down the aisle, they should have run the other direction. Here are three serious red flags that you shouldn't stay in the relationship (or heed my warning: your story will end the same way!)
1. He doesn't see his child.
He's got a thousand reasons why he won't spend time with his kid: his ex "poisoned" the child's mind against him; the court would only give him "bogus" time when he has to work instead; the kid prioritizes cheerleading or any other activity over her dad. I'm calling his bluff: active dads will fight to the bitter end to spend time with their kids. They are every bit as Momma Bear as, well, a momma bear when it comes to being a good parent. You may not believe good dads are out there but I know them and they are real! Good dads will not buckle under the pressure and work that having a child requires. He will change diapers, do midnight feedings and dishes, take her to the doctor, fold her baby clothing and fiercely protect her when needed. If your guy has accepted that he just won't see his child, ask yourself how much he'll prioritize a child he has with you. And then run, don't walk, the other way.
2. He's hiding assets from his ex-wife.
Just because he's divorced isn't a strike against him. But the danger zone: He hid money during the divorce to keep it out of his ex-wife's hands -- girl, you better run! He blames his behavior on his ex-wife of course, because she was so terrible and "money grubbing," he had to funnel money to family members. He just had to put assets in his sister's name and make withdrawals from accounts so as to move cash to another bank or another country. Really. Whether he confided in you that he hid the marital money, or worse, you met him during the divorce and watched him hiding his money, the odds are strong that he'll do the same in your own divorce! Not running yet? Consider that the odds are high you will be getting a divorce: Statistically he's at an increased risk for a second divorce (65 percent or more of second marriages fail), AND he prioritizes money over honesty and people, AND he does not take responsibility for his actions. Get out your running shoes!
3. You were the one he cheated with.
The logic follows that if you were the one he cheated with, later you'll be the one he cheats on. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Maybe not. But I have to tell you that I've had more cases of women who told me they "should have known" he would cheat on them, because they were the affairs that broke up his first marriage! They never seem that surprised when they discover he's been cheating. "The signs were there," said one client, I'll call her Sasha. "The late nights at the office and sudden trips canceled or re-routed. Unexplained expenses including cheap jewelry. This is what he did with me to end his first marriage!" At the time, Sasha said her affair seemed wildly romantic so she didn't listen to that nagging feeling -- it seemed like fate but he was just married to the wrong person. Or maybe he just has huge commitment and honesty problems! Lesson 1: Listen to your gut. Lesson 2: Karma is a b*tch ladies, so watch your back (or better yet, run from this one).
Did you know the relationship was doomed from the start? Discuss in the comments.
Blog originally found on The Divorce Artist.
1. He doesn't see his child.
He's got a thousand reasons why he won't spend time with his kid: his ex "poisoned" the child's mind against him; the court would only give him "bogus" time when he has to work instead; the kid prioritizes cheerleading or any other activity over her dad. I'm calling his bluff: active dads will fight to the bitter end to spend time with their kids. They are every bit as Momma Bear as, well, a momma bear when it comes to being a good parent. You may not believe good dads are out there but I know them and they are real! Good dads will not buckle under the pressure and work that having a child requires. He will change diapers, do midnight feedings and dishes, take her to the doctor, fold her baby clothing and fiercely protect her when needed. If your guy has accepted that he just won't see his child, ask yourself how much he'll prioritize a child he has with you. And then run, don't walk, the other way.
2. He's hiding assets from his ex-wife.
Just because he's divorced isn't a strike against him. But the danger zone: He hid money during the divorce to keep it out of his ex-wife's hands -- girl, you better run! He blames his behavior on his ex-wife of course, because she was so terrible and "money grubbing," he had to funnel money to family members. He just had to put assets in his sister's name and make withdrawals from accounts so as to move cash to another bank or another country. Really. Whether he confided in you that he hid the marital money, or worse, you met him during the divorce and watched him hiding his money, the odds are strong that he'll do the same in your own divorce! Not running yet? Consider that the odds are high you will be getting a divorce: Statistically he's at an increased risk for a second divorce (65 percent or more of second marriages fail), AND he prioritizes money over honesty and people, AND he does not take responsibility for his actions. Get out your running shoes!
3. You were the one he cheated with.
The logic follows that if you were the one he cheated with, later you'll be the one he cheats on. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Maybe not. But I have to tell you that I've had more cases of women who told me they "should have known" he would cheat on them, because they were the affairs that broke up his first marriage! They never seem that surprised when they discover he's been cheating. "The signs were there," said one client, I'll call her Sasha. "The late nights at the office and sudden trips canceled or re-routed. Unexplained expenses including cheap jewelry. This is what he did with me to end his first marriage!" At the time, Sasha said her affair seemed wildly romantic so she didn't listen to that nagging feeling -- it seemed like fate but he was just married to the wrong person. Or maybe he just has huge commitment and honesty problems! Lesson 1: Listen to your gut. Lesson 2: Karma is a b*tch ladies, so watch your back (or better yet, run from this one).
Did you know the relationship was doomed from the start? Discuss in the comments.
Blog originally found on The Divorce Artist.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
5 Tips to Lower Divorce Costs
Winter is the season of divorce, and January is especially popular for marital splits. Maybe you too are resolved to start the new year by becoming single again. If so, be prepared for a lot of additional expenses and...
What Structural Presumption? Reuniting Evidence and Economics on the Role of Market Concentration in Horizontal Merger Analysis
Sean Patrick Sullivan, Bureau of Competition, Federal Trade Commission; University of Virginia - Department of Economics asks What Structural Presumption? Reuniting Evidence and Economics on the Role of Market Concentration in Horizontal Merger Analysis. ABSTRACT: In horizontal merger analysis, the...
8 New Year’s Resolutions For When You're Single And Not Dating
We have finally reached that time of year when many people decide to makeNew Year’s resolutions. With one year behind us and a brand new one to conquer, resolving to make the most of the upcoming year and somehow make ourselves better, is a natural instinct to have. It’s like you have a clean slate, so you might as well give yourself the goal of keeping that slate as clean as possible, before mucking it all up.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Cartoon: Tell us why this space alien is delivering a cease-and-desist order
Submit your proposed caption for a chance to win our January contest and see your caption and credit printed in an upcoming issue of the…
Does Domestic Violence Affect Child Custody?
Families are very complicated, especially today. Parents may find themselves raising a partner's children but separated from their own kids based on child custody arrangements. And some parents may learn that their children are being raised in an unsafe setting....
Free from What? Competition, Regulation and Antitrust During the Gilded Age
Nicola Giocoli, University of Pisa asks Free from What? Competition, Regulation and Antitrust During the Gilded Age. ABSTRACT: As the embodiment of classical competition, freedom of contract was still a fundamental notion for the American economists of the Gilded Age....
Change Traditions to Enjoy the Holidays While Divorced
I picked up my eight-year-old son after school on a Friday in December and headed to the Montana Avenue Holiday Walk, an annual tradition in the part of Santa Monica where we live. The little boutiques lining the avenue stay open late and serve hot chocolate or cider, platters of cookies or cream puffs. Locals come to shop the sales, listen to the carolers on one corner, the violinist on the next.
We got a half block from our apartment when we saw a neighborhood friend, a young rabbi named Chaim Teleshevsky, serving chicken-and-matzo-ball soup to passersby under a tent outside Whole Foods. He had one helper, two huge vats of chicken stock, and an ever-growing line of people hunched up in their shawls against the cool Pacific air, craving soup. I wanted to do the holiday walk with everyone else, but he clearly needed help.
I stepped up and started ladling. My son, perhaps remembering the weeknights when we used to volunteer at the soup kitchen back in Hoboken, started handing over plastic spoons. My little boy is usually shy around strangers, and not -- how shall I say it? -- eager to follow every single rule he's ever heard. But he enjoyed having a job that required concentration and doing a task with his mommy. He didn't see it as "behaving" well, despite the thanks he got.
After about thirty minutes of this, I was ready to stop helping and start shopping. But my son, feeling useful, productive, helpful, wanted to stay.
I took a step back and watched him. This break from our planned holiday indulgence reminded me of one of my Principles of Parting: Create Positive Moments. I'd been somewhat nervous about this neighborhood shop-along -- just my son and me; his dad, my ex, home doing his own thing. I worried that I'd feel lonely, or that he'd feel awkward, one of the only kids with a solo mom, surrounded by happy families with both parents along.
It's easy to feel less-than during the holidays, which could also be called the "Season of Pressure to Have the Perfect Family." All the music in the stores is romantic; the commercials on TV are filled with happy, intact families snuggling by the fire. The whole mistletoe at New Year's tradition can feel like one big ball of lights shining in your face, illuminating the fact that you have no one to kiss. For those of us newly single, it can be hard to take.
But as University of North Carolina psychologist Barbara Fredrickson writes, even small positive moments can spark an "upward spiral of positivity." As she's shown in studies, and in her uplifting book, Positivity, positive emotions broaden our awareness of the world around us and our ability to think creatively and productively. Simple actions, such as serving soup, can initiate what she calls an "upward spiral of positivity," of increasing well-being. While the holidays look different after divorce, they remain ripe with opportunities to enjoy small positive breaks in our routine.
We did finally leave the soup-serving behind and head down the street, toward the ocean. I sampled chocolate truffles at John Kelly, chatted with a neighbor, posed for a photo with my son in a purple jester's hat. But the highlight of the evening for both of us was serving steaming soup in the cool night air.
As we approach New Year's Eve, here are three more tips for surviving, and thriving, during this last week of the holiday season and into the new year:
This month, which some might label the "Season of Seeing How Your Life is Falling Short," also brings abundant reminders of all that we have.
For more ideas about managing your divorce and thriving, check out my blog at wendyparis.com. And my forthcoming book, Splitopia, is also available for preorder.
Do you have a post-marriage holiday routine? Write me and tell me about it at wendy@wendyparis.com.
We got a half block from our apartment when we saw a neighborhood friend, a young rabbi named Chaim Teleshevsky, serving chicken-and-matzo-ball soup to passersby under a tent outside Whole Foods. He had one helper, two huge vats of chicken stock, and an ever-growing line of people hunched up in their shawls against the cool Pacific air, craving soup. I wanted to do the holiday walk with everyone else, but he clearly needed help.
I stepped up and started ladling. My son, perhaps remembering the weeknights when we used to volunteer at the soup kitchen back in Hoboken, started handing over plastic spoons. My little boy is usually shy around strangers, and not -- how shall I say it? -- eager to follow every single rule he's ever heard. But he enjoyed having a job that required concentration and doing a task with his mommy. He didn't see it as "behaving" well, despite the thanks he got.
After about thirty minutes of this, I was ready to stop helping and start shopping. But my son, feeling useful, productive, helpful, wanted to stay.
I took a step back and watched him. This break from our planned holiday indulgence reminded me of one of my Principles of Parting: Create Positive Moments. I'd been somewhat nervous about this neighborhood shop-along -- just my son and me; his dad, my ex, home doing his own thing. I worried that I'd feel lonely, or that he'd feel awkward, one of the only kids with a solo mom, surrounded by happy families with both parents along.
It's easy to feel less-than during the holidays, which could also be called the "Season of Pressure to Have the Perfect Family." All the music in the stores is romantic; the commercials on TV are filled with happy, intact families snuggling by the fire. The whole mistletoe at New Year's tradition can feel like one big ball of lights shining in your face, illuminating the fact that you have no one to kiss. For those of us newly single, it can be hard to take.
But as University of North Carolina psychologist Barbara Fredrickson writes, even small positive moments can spark an "upward spiral of positivity." As she's shown in studies, and in her uplifting book, Positivity, positive emotions broaden our awareness of the world around us and our ability to think creatively and productively. Simple actions, such as serving soup, can initiate what she calls an "upward spiral of positivity," of increasing well-being. While the holidays look different after divorce, they remain ripe with opportunities to enjoy small positive breaks in our routine.
We did finally leave the soup-serving behind and head down the street, toward the ocean. I sampled chocolate truffles at John Kelly, chatted with a neighbor, posed for a photo with my son in a purple jester's hat. But the highlight of the evening for both of us was serving steaming soup in the cool night air.
As we approach New Year's Eve, here are three more tips for surviving, and thriving, during this last week of the holiday season and into the new year:
- Skip the Old Traditions: The holidays are prime time for what researchers call "episodic loneliness," that chafing sense of wrongness that arises when doing something alone that formerly involved someone else--such as taking an annual holiday walk. Or watching the Times Square New Year's Eve extravaganza with your children, without their other parent also on the couch. Or taking a winter vacation to the Bahamas, if that's what you did while married. One of the easiest ways to minimize episodic loneliness is to avoid those situations the trigger it, at least in the beginning, rather than forcing yourself to "tough it out."
- Create a New Routine: We can not only skip old traditions that feel haunting without our spouse, but also actively create new ones. We often feel like our holiday joy is rooted in one specific family tradition, but there are hundreds of ways to celebrate this season. Yes, one of the benefits of traditions is that they link us to our past, but divorce is a time when we want to shift our focus to the future. And the fact is, even new traditions have power. We create new traditions in our lives all the time. As I wrote in an earlier post, this is a great opportunity to rethink what you do, and come up with a way to celebrate that is more meaningful, and more appropriate to where you are in your life now.
- Bring Holiday Cheer to Someone Else: We may feel lonely at various points during the next few weeks, but we're not alone in being by ourselves, or in being uncomfortable with that state. One of the best ways to combat a feeling of gloomy isolation is to actively do something celebratory for someone else. Invite friends over for a cookie decorating night, and then bring those cookies to someone you know who could use cheering up--an elderly neighbor, a single friend living far from family, perhaps a new mother who's feeling overwhelmed by the excessive fullness of her own life. Host an open house at your place on New Year's day, arrange a movie binge-watching afternoon with other single friends, or do a craft project with your children, and invite over a few of their pals.
The tradition of giving at this time of year means there are also many pre-arranged opportunities to easily jump in and join. If you don't have a regular routine of volunteering, the novelty of it can make it that moment stand out far stronger, for you and for your children.
One of my favorite New Year's Eves was celebrating my grandmother's 70th birthday in Cleveland. I was in my early 30s, and rather than feeling bad to miss another round of parties in Manhattan, I felt generous, and soulful, somehow, to be spending time with my aging grandmother, and to bring a little youthful energy to the septuagenarian set. Fox-trotting with my grandfather felt more like a harbinger of an excellent, meaningful year than did my usual routine of going to parties inappropriately dressed for the weather, and hoping something meaningful would arise.
This month, which some might label the "Season of Seeing How Your Life is Falling Short," also brings abundant reminders of all that we have.
For more ideas about managing your divorce and thriving, check out my blog at wendyparis.com. And my forthcoming book, Splitopia, is also available for preorder.
Do you have a post-marriage holiday routine? Write me and tell me about it at wendy@wendyparis.com.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Can Parents Take Their Kids' Money?
Christmas was costly and now there is no money for the mortgage. Can you dip into your kids' financial gifts to pay? Yes you can, and apparently you will be one of many parents who indulge in the practice....
Officers won’t be charged in death of Tamir Rice; prosecutor sees ‘perfect storm of errors’
A grand jury in Cleveland has declined to indict police officers in the shooting death of 12-year-old Tamir Rice, who was killed in November 2014…
2016 Next Generation of Antitrust Scholars Conference
Back for the fourth time - 2016 Next Generation of Antitrust Scholars Conference. Register here (so that we know how much food to order). 2016 Next Generation of Antitrust Scholars Conference Friday, January 22, 2016 NYU School of Law 108...
Comedian Writes About Abusive Relationship In Moving Instagram Post
On Monday afternoon, comedian Beth Stelling posted a jarring image on Instagram. In it, there are four photos: three of them show her bruised legs and arms, and in the fourth she's smiling, performing onstage.
"Same girl in all of these photos (me)," wrote Stelling under the image. "I've had an amazing year and you've seen the highlights here, so these photos are an uncommon thing to share but not an uncommon issue."
Stelling, who has appeared on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" and has a special on Comedy Central, went on to describe the abusive relationship she got out of last summer, and the shame and fear that surrounds opening up about the realities of such a relationship -- especially when your ex is a part of your professional community.
"It's embarrassing," she wrote. "I feel stupid. After being verbally, physically abused and raped, I dated him for two more months. It's not simple." (Read the full, powerful post below.)
Stelling also wrote about why she finally chose to speak about her abusive relationship publicly:
I don't want revenge or to hurt him now, but it's unhealthy to keep this inside because my stand-up is pulled directly from my life. It's how I make my living. My personal is my professional...
Already since talking about this onstage, many women have come to me after shows asking me to keep doing it. Men have shown their solidarity.
Since Stelling posted her story on Instagram, she has received an outpouring of public love and support.
Words matter. Stories matter. Thank you for sharing yours, Beth Stelling.
Also on HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Most SSRN downloaded full time antitrust law professors of 2015
These are the most SSRN downloaded antitrust law full time faculty based on the posting of an antitrust paper from 2011 to the present.Not all of the faculty write exclusively in antitrust and in some cases, they predominantly write in...
Why Kate Hudson And Her Ex Are The Model For Post-Split Parenting
The holidays can be a double-edged sword. It's the time of year to spend time with family, but you then actually have to spend time with your family. See the dilemma?
For those whose parents have split up, the season is especially difficult to navigate, but Kate Hudson and her ex-fiancé Matt Bellamy are showing modern families everywhere how it's done.
The Golden Globe-winning actress shared a Christmas snap last week of herself and Bellamy, with whom she co-parents 4-year-old son Bingham Hawn Bellamy.
" From our #ModernFamily to your #WhateverKindaFamilyIsYourKindaFamily we send you much love and blessings on this Christmas Eve ❤️ #ExMas #HolidayFun#SantasComing," she captioned the photo.
Hudson, 36, documented her holiday in all its glory with posts over the past week that put our celebrations to shame. Shot in the dark: Christmas is her favorite holiday.
Also, this happened.
Hudson and Bellamy split in 2014. The actress revealed to Allure earlier this year how she reached the decision to separate.
"Relationships ending are painful, and you can choose to carry that or you can choose to reframe it," the actress explained. "If Matt and I had a great relationship, we would still be together, but we chose to move on because we had different visions of how we wanted to live our lives."
"That doesn't mean, though, that we can't rebuild something that would be the best thing for the kids," she continued. "We said, 'We need to try to create something for the kids where they feel like they're gaining something rather than losing something.'"
From where we're standing, it looks like they're doing an excellent job.
Also on HuffPost:
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Learning to Talk to Men as a Single Woman Post-Divorce
About a year or so after my divorce, my kids decided that I had better start dating, or I would turn into a cat lady (which would never have happened because, no offence, I don't like cats). I realized that perhaps dating wasn't the worst idea, but I didn't know where to start. After a quarter century of marriage, how would I talk to men as a single woman, let alone date them? I decided that I needed some training in this area, and maybe online dating was the way to start. My thinking was that I would give myself six months of talking to men who lived on the other end of the world; men who I would never meet, and then slowly move back across the pond. I would then talk to and eventually meet people much closer to home.
It was by accident that I found an obscure singles' website (well, I hadn't heard of it) and decided that it would be a perfect way to dip my toe into the vortex of online dating. I created a profile so bizarre that anyone reading it would know that I had made it up. Just to give you an idea, I didn't use a photo, I made up a name for myself and I said that I had 49 children and my idol was my midwife. With the knowledge that I would be completely anonymous and therefore safe, I clicked the submit button.
Reading profiles proved to be educating and completely fascinating. Coming from the world of pencils and typewriters, I had no patience for men who couldn't or wouldn't take the time to use proper spelling and grammar in their profile blurbs. To me, it was like arriving at a date without showering. I couldn't understand men WHO HAD TO WRITE EVERYTHING IN THEIR PROFILE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Why, I wondered, were they shouting at me? Of course, there were the men who thought that I would actually be interested in them if they described themselves as 'stubborn' or 'argumentative'. Um, no thank you.
On the plus side, I met a number of wonderful men online and had lovely conversations with them. All along I was completely honest with these non-potential dates; they knew that I was on a learning curve and they were fine with it. We never spoke on the phone; we never met; we just chatted as two strangers.
This method, by the way was by no means foolproof. Half a year or more after abandoning the site, a guy from London with whom I had chatted a number of times emailed me that he was coming to town and invited me out for lunch. The evasive emails that had bugged me months earlier were all pieced together as I stared at his pilling argyle sweater from across the restaurant table. Why, I wondered, would a business man wear an old, cozy sweater on a first date? Something wasn't quite adding up. As he prattled on about his extensive travels, I surmised that he was probably married. When this business man on a business trip paid by cash, all I could do was nod my head in silence. At least my Spidey senses were still intact!
After my six month self-imposed trial period ended and as I promised myself, I did move on to a very well known website and started speaking to local men. I decided not to delete my profile from the other website, but instead created a very different one for this second website; something much more like me.
I finally managed to get up the courage to go on my first date. Truth be told, it was a complete dud of an hour; we both knew it, but that was okay. I had survived my first meeting and went home happy that I had succeeded in accepting a coffee date.
When I got home, I checked my inbox from my obscure website. Lo and behold, there was a message from the guy I had just had coffee with. I knew it was him, because he had posted his photo. He, of course, had no idea who I was because I had no photo posted and claimed to have 49 children.
"We just have to go out together", he gushed. "You sound just like Sarah Silverman. Let's go to a comedy club together!"
I couldn't contain myself. Crying from laughter I wrote back, "Er...um...I believe that you and I just had coffee together...".
It was a wonderful end of a post divorce first date. There were other funny stories, and some pitiful ones, too, but this little lesson I gave myself proved to be very helpful as I entered the dating world anew.
It was by accident that I found an obscure singles' website (well, I hadn't heard of it) and decided that it would be a perfect way to dip my toe into the vortex of online dating. I created a profile so bizarre that anyone reading it would know that I had made it up. Just to give you an idea, I didn't use a photo, I made up a name for myself and I said that I had 49 children and my idol was my midwife. With the knowledge that I would be completely anonymous and therefore safe, I clicked the submit button.
Reading profiles proved to be educating and completely fascinating. Coming from the world of pencils and typewriters, I had no patience for men who couldn't or wouldn't take the time to use proper spelling and grammar in their profile blurbs. To me, it was like arriving at a date without showering. I couldn't understand men WHO HAD TO WRITE EVERYTHING IN THEIR PROFILE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Why, I wondered, were they shouting at me? Of course, there were the men who thought that I would actually be interested in them if they described themselves as 'stubborn' or 'argumentative'. Um, no thank you.
On the plus side, I met a number of wonderful men online and had lovely conversations with them. All along I was completely honest with these non-potential dates; they knew that I was on a learning curve and they were fine with it. We never spoke on the phone; we never met; we just chatted as two strangers.
This method, by the way was by no means foolproof. Half a year or more after abandoning the site, a guy from London with whom I had chatted a number of times emailed me that he was coming to town and invited me out for lunch. The evasive emails that had bugged me months earlier were all pieced together as I stared at his pilling argyle sweater from across the restaurant table. Why, I wondered, would a business man wear an old, cozy sweater on a first date? Something wasn't quite adding up. As he prattled on about his extensive travels, I surmised that he was probably married. When this business man on a business trip paid by cash, all I could do was nod my head in silence. At least my Spidey senses were still intact!
After my six month self-imposed trial period ended and as I promised myself, I did move on to a very well known website and started speaking to local men. I decided not to delete my profile from the other website, but instead created a very different one for this second website; something much more like me.
I finally managed to get up the courage to go on my first date. Truth be told, it was a complete dud of an hour; we both knew it, but that was okay. I had survived my first meeting and went home happy that I had succeeded in accepting a coffee date.
When I got home, I checked my inbox from my obscure website. Lo and behold, there was a message from the guy I had just had coffee with. I knew it was him, because he had posted his photo. He, of course, had no idea who I was because I had no photo posted and claimed to have 49 children.
"We just have to go out together", he gushed. "You sound just like Sarah Silverman. Let's go to a comedy club together!"
I couldn't contain myself. Crying from laughter I wrote back, "Er...um...I believe that you and I just had coffee together...".
It was a wonderful end of a post divorce first date. There were other funny stories, and some pitiful ones, too, but this little lesson I gave myself proved to be very helpful as I entered the dating world anew.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Effective European Antitrust: Does EC Merger Policy Generate Deterrence?
Joseph A. Clougherty, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign; Centre for Economic Policy Research (CEPR), Tomaso Duso, German Institute for Economic Research (DIW Berlin); Duesseldorf Institute for Competition Economics (DICE), Miyu Lee, Humboldt University of Berlin - School of Business and...
When Christmas Isn't Merry
The final countdown to Christmas is on -- the sandwich board outside Walmart says only four shopping days left, so it must be true. Yet even as many people are looking forward to a magical day filled with family, food and fun, many others are dreading it. Holidays, especially ones that put the spotlight on family togetherness as Christmas does, can be almost unbearable for those who are mourning the loss of loved ones. There is, unfortunately, never a shortage of grieving hearts in the world, and this year I am among them as I try to come to grips with the recent death of my sister.
There may be no other emotion as personal as grief, and each of us deals with it differently. I think the best advice I could offer is to do what feels right to you, whatever comforts, soothes or at least allows you to best cope with the inevitable sadness, emptiness and even anger that will likely bubble up during the holidays.
Here are a few ideas that both friends and mental health professionals have suggested to me, based on their experience.
1. Acknowledge your loss and understand that it is perfectly normal to feel sad, no matter the loss, no matter whether it was recent or long ago. Do not feel obligated to "put on a happy face." If you feel like crying, cry. If you need support, ask for it. If you need alone time, take it. Honor your feelings as best you can. You don't owe anyone an apology or explanation for your feelings.
2. Some people prefer to carry on with their usual holiday routine as it keeps their focus on the plus column, on all of the good that remains. Family, friends and long-held traditions can be very comforting and can provide a reassuring sense of stability in the midst of a changing personal landscape.
3. Conversely, some people find that following their established holiday traditions is too painful to bear without their loved ones, especially if the loss is fresh or was a particularly tragic one. Some people find it easier to go somewhere new or do something completely different so that they are not overwhelmed by their memories.
4. Find a way to incorporate your loved one's memory into the holiday. This can be as simple as sitting around the table and reliving favorite memories and sharing anecdotes. You could create a more formal tribute to your loved one's life by planting a tree in their memory or making a donation in their name.
5. Bear in mind that grief is a process, not a one-time event. Your feelings of sadness and loss will ebb and flow, and in time will diminish, but may never completely go away. Certain events, certain times--such as holidays, anniversaries, birthdays--will likely trigger those same feelings of sadness in you.
6. If your grief is debilitating and more than you feel you can bear alone, seek help. There are support groups as well as grief counselors and therapists who are highly skilled in helping the bereaved navigate through the black hole of grief. Don't suffer in silence. You are not alone.
Despite how deeply we miss my sister, my family is looking forward to Christmas, to honoring old memories and creating new ones. We know that's what she would have wanted and that knowledge makes it easier for us to go on, carrying her spirit with us as we do.
Photo: Tallula via depositphotos
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let's talk about living with loss. If you have a story you'd like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
What to Do If Falsely Accused of Elder Abuse
No good deed goes unpunished and that can certainly apply to efforts to help your elders. Sometimes when we try to assist others, things go awry, or our efforts are misunderstood. Good people are accused of abuse. It happens...
To Anyone Grieving This Holiday Season
To anyone grieving this Holiday Season:
This December marks seven years since my dear friend and lover passed away. Nothing about that winter felt merry, and I certainly didn't feel in the "holiday spirit." My heart was breaking while the rest of the world carried on singing carols and exchanging gifts, putting on their best holiday game face. That whole season was a blur. The mentor at the local grief group suggested "this Christmas will be different and the most important thing is to let it be." She guided us to do what felt right for each of us in the group. Some felt up for participating in their traditional holiday rounds, while others ordered take-out and stayed in. I've learned that both are completely okay.
That year I participated in the family Christmas shindig in a zombie-like state, simply going through the motions. It was simply too much, too soon.
I want to offer anyone who may be grieving the loss of a loved one, the opportunity to take the Holidays off -- if that is what feels right. People around you may not understand, but I support you 100 percent in your decision. There is simply no right or wrong way to get through this time of year. The most important thing is that you attend to your own needs and emotions first. Instead of gifts, I suggest wrapping yourself in love and compassion.
Truth is, there's no quick-fix to getting through the season pain-free, but freeing yourself from the season's hustle and bustle may bring you tremendous peace.
On Christmas Eve I will be at the movies, sipping a glass of wine and snacking on extra buttery popcorn. It may seem unconventional to some, but that's my Christmas Eve plan. It's taken me seven years fast forwarded to embrace that I can spend Christmas however I want.
Christmas isn't the glowing string of lights or baking the cookies "just right." It's a feeling of the heart, a sense of magic and connectedness. Grief may turn our whole world upside down, but it also brings moments of grace. In-between the painstaking ache and the joyous memory of a loved one's smile, lives an indescribable amount of love that can only be felt with the heart. Love is the most beautiful thing we humans have to offer. If you are grieving, this means you have loved someone until their last breath, and that my friend is the biggest gift you could give all lifetime.
You are the gift -- a Christmas miracle.
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let's talk about living with loss. If you have a story you'd like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.
This December marks seven years since my dear friend and lover passed away. Nothing about that winter felt merry, and I certainly didn't feel in the "holiday spirit." My heart was breaking while the rest of the world carried on singing carols and exchanging gifts, putting on their best holiday game face. That whole season was a blur. The mentor at the local grief group suggested "this Christmas will be different and the most important thing is to let it be." She guided us to do what felt right for each of us in the group. Some felt up for participating in their traditional holiday rounds, while others ordered take-out and stayed in. I've learned that both are completely okay.
That year I participated in the family Christmas shindig in a zombie-like state, simply going through the motions. It was simply too much, too soon.
I want to offer anyone who may be grieving the loss of a loved one, the opportunity to take the Holidays off -- if that is what feels right. People around you may not understand, but I support you 100 percent in your decision. There is simply no right or wrong way to get through this time of year. The most important thing is that you attend to your own needs and emotions first. Instead of gifts, I suggest wrapping yourself in love and compassion.
Truth is, there's no quick-fix to getting through the season pain-free, but freeing yourself from the season's hustle and bustle may bring you tremendous peace.
On Christmas Eve I will be at the movies, sipping a glass of wine and snacking on extra buttery popcorn. It may seem unconventional to some, but that's my Christmas Eve plan. It's taken me seven years fast forwarded to embrace that I can spend Christmas however I want.
Christmas isn't the glowing string of lights or baking the cookies "just right." It's a feeling of the heart, a sense of magic and connectedness. Grief may turn our whole world upside down, but it also brings moments of grace. In-between the painstaking ache and the joyous memory of a loved one's smile, lives an indescribable amount of love that can only be felt with the heart. Love is the most beautiful thing we humans have to offer. If you are grieving, this means you have loved someone until their last breath, and that my friend is the biggest gift you could give all lifetime.
You are the gift -- a Christmas miracle.
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let's talk about living with loss. If you have a story you'd like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
Can Entry or Exit Event Studies Inform Horizontal Merger Analysis? Evidence from Grocery Retailing
Daniel S. Hosken, Government of the United States of America - Federal Trade Commission Luke Olson, Federal Trade Commission, and Loren K. Smith, Compass Lexecon ask Can Entry or Exit Event Studies Inform Horizontal Merger Analysis? Evidence from Grocery Retailing....
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Kansas supremes strike down law on chief judge appointments; is court funding in danger?
The Kansas Supreme Court on Wednesday struck down a section of state law that took away the court’s authority to appoint chief judges in the…
CADE launches English version of the draft FAQ on the Leniency Program
CADE launches English version of the draft FAQ on the Leniency Program 18/12/2015 The Administrative Council for Economic Defense – CADE launched, on December 18th 2015, the English version of the draft Frequently Asked Questions on the agency’s Antitrust Leniency...
5 Things I'm Doing Differently in 2016 After My Divorce
Believe it or not, I might actually have my divorce finalized in 2016! It's a fairly simple divorce, yet it's all been the most drawn-out divorce that I know of. We have been separated for 20 months now. It's time.
The truth is, it took awhile for us to cut the cord and call the final shots. And once the trigger was pulled, it seemed it took forever to get the paperwork in. Either way, the light is nearing the tunnel, and I can safely say that throughout this divorce, I have done a solid job in getting my life together for myself and for my kid. I feel proud of how I have handled this at times, gut-wrenching experience, but there are mistakes I have made along the way that if I were to have to do it again, (EGADS!) I would do a few things differently. Live and learn, and try as I might, I have made my mistakes but overall, I have tried my best to move forward and I will be damned if I make the same mistakes in love again.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I am learning and growing. The life I have now is a much happier life than I had during the last two years of my marriage, and I am proud to say -- "this is me and this is my life." For the next man in my life, you are getting a stronger, sexier, more confident and more independent woman by far.
Still, I can't grow if I can't look back and see changes that need to be made and so for 2016, here are some things I will be doing differently in 2016 in my official divorced life:
1-Caring Less
I can't control everything. My ex and I will parent differently. I need to let stuff go as most of the times, it's not worth the trouble and even if it is worth the trouble, nothing good is accomplished. It's not worth it. And if something is said to push my buttons, I've got to let it fly.
Caring less is the way to go sometimes because most of the times, the person seeking the reaction gets off on your unhappiness. Why give the person the satisfaction?
2- Doing Things Separately
It's nice to do things together when mandatory for the kids' sake, but it's called divorce for a reason and I realized that for us, doing things separately is better for all involved unless mandatory. Would it be nice if it weren't this way? Sure, and in time it will be better but for now, it's better to have some space and focus on our kid and keep things as low-stress as possible. I am okay with this. Having space is good for both parties to move forward.
3- Going Out More -- Online Dating Less
Online dating is not fun for me. I prefer going out and talking to people face-to-face. I am very social. Why not show off my "outgoingness" and make friends and potential dates by going out with friends or joining MeetUp groups rather than aimlessly Tindering and Bumbling through online murkiness?
4- It's Okay
Realizing it's okay I am divorced. Sh*t happens. There are worst things to happen in this lifetime.
5- Cope
When my daughter is with my ex, it is still so hard. I have to find a way to sit with these feelings and if need be, make something magical come out of those emotions whether it's meeting a new friend or working on my book.
Life is never going to be clean. It will always be messy, but if we understand how to polish it up after the party or war is over, we will always come out sparkling and this blonde is ready to shine!
Happy New Year!
The truth is, it took awhile for us to cut the cord and call the final shots. And once the trigger was pulled, it seemed it took forever to get the paperwork in. Either way, the light is nearing the tunnel, and I can safely say that throughout this divorce, I have done a solid job in getting my life together for myself and for my kid. I feel proud of how I have handled this at times, gut-wrenching experience, but there are mistakes I have made along the way that if I were to have to do it again, (EGADS!) I would do a few things differently. Live and learn, and try as I might, I have made my mistakes but overall, I have tried my best to move forward and I will be damned if I make the same mistakes in love again.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I am learning and growing. The life I have now is a much happier life than I had during the last two years of my marriage, and I am proud to say -- "this is me and this is my life." For the next man in my life, you are getting a stronger, sexier, more confident and more independent woman by far.
Still, I can't grow if I can't look back and see changes that need to be made and so for 2016, here are some things I will be doing differently in 2016 in my official divorced life:
1-Caring Less
I can't control everything. My ex and I will parent differently. I need to let stuff go as most of the times, it's not worth the trouble and even if it is worth the trouble, nothing good is accomplished. It's not worth it. And if something is said to push my buttons, I've got to let it fly.
Caring less is the way to go sometimes because most of the times, the person seeking the reaction gets off on your unhappiness. Why give the person the satisfaction?
2- Doing Things Separately
It's nice to do things together when mandatory for the kids' sake, but it's called divorce for a reason and I realized that for us, doing things separately is better for all involved unless mandatory. Would it be nice if it weren't this way? Sure, and in time it will be better but for now, it's better to have some space and focus on our kid and keep things as low-stress as possible. I am okay with this. Having space is good for both parties to move forward.
3- Going Out More -- Online Dating Less
Online dating is not fun for me. I prefer going out and talking to people face-to-face. I am very social. Why not show off my "outgoingness" and make friends and potential dates by going out with friends or joining MeetUp groups rather than aimlessly Tindering and Bumbling through online murkiness?
4- It's Okay
Realizing it's okay I am divorced. Sh*t happens. There are worst things to happen in this lifetime.
5- Cope
When my daughter is with my ex, it is still so hard. I have to find a way to sit with these feelings and if need be, make something magical come out of those emotions whether it's meeting a new friend or working on my book.
Life is never going to be clean. It will always be messy, but if we understand how to polish it up after the party or war is over, we will always come out sparkling and this blonde is ready to shine!
Happy New Year!
-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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